For those that haven’t heard, I sprained my ankle on Black Friday. I’ve been on the couch for five days straight. It hasn’t been much fun, but I did learn a few things that I thought I might share with you now:
1. If I stay completely still and don’t utter a sound, I can actually hear my butt spreading. Seriously.
2. There IS a limit to the amount of HGTV a middle-aged mom can watch in one sitting. Who knew?
3. While we’re on the topic of television, The Kardashians have absolutely no business being on the air. The insanity that is their lives is like “I Love Lucy” without laughter or lovable characters. And, yes, Kris Humphries is a bit of a dick, but I would have run out of that New York apartment faster than an oil-soaked Slip n’ Slide if I had to deal with the kind of crap he did.
4. If you have to crawl on your knees in the kitchen, avoid suicidal Froot Loops that jump from the box onto the floor without provocation. They leave a goofy, though pleasantly colorful, stain on your knees when crushed.
5. Ever hear of the classic romance movie, ‘Love Story’? Well, I finally saw it and was surprised to discover that Ali McGraw’s character is quite the wicked witch. That didn’t stop me from bawling like a baby at the end, though.
6. Returning to my butt situation, I forgot how much fun it is to slide down the stairs on my keester. You get a nice massage out of it, too.
7. Shopping on the internet ain’t so bad and, contrary to popular belief, during the holiday season Amazon does NOT change the pricing of individual items three times a day. They only do it twice.
8. UPDATE 8/5/2012: The original content of item # 8 has been replaced with a photo of a poster I found in the window of a hair salon in Kirkland, Washington. Is it just me, or does the male model look suspiciously like Taylor Lautner? It's totally freaking me out.
1. If I stay completely still and don’t utter a sound, I can actually hear my butt spreading. Seriously.
2. There IS a limit to the amount of HGTV a middle-aged mom can watch in one sitting. Who knew?
3. While we’re on the topic of television, The Kardashians have absolutely no business being on the air. The insanity that is their lives is like “I Love Lucy” without laughter or lovable characters. And, yes, Kris Humphries is a bit of a dick, but I would have run out of that New York apartment faster than an oil-soaked Slip n’ Slide if I had to deal with the kind of crap he did.
4. If you have to crawl on your knees in the kitchen, avoid suicidal Froot Loops that jump from the box onto the floor without provocation. They leave a goofy, though pleasantly colorful, stain on your knees when crushed.
5. Ever hear of the classic romance movie, ‘Love Story’? Well, I finally saw it and was surprised to discover that Ali McGraw’s character is quite the wicked witch. That didn’t stop me from bawling like a baby at the end, though.
6. Returning to my butt situation, I forgot how much fun it is to slide down the stairs on my keester. You get a nice massage out of it, too.
7. Shopping on the internet ain’t so bad and, contrary to popular belief, during the holiday season Amazon does NOT change the pricing of individual items three times a day. They only do it twice.
8. UPDATE 8/5/2012: The original content of item # 8 has been replaced with a photo of a poster I found in the window of a hair salon in Kirkland, Washington. Is it just me, or does the male model look suspiciously like Taylor Lautner? It's totally freaking me out.
Is that you, Taylor?
9. There are a lot of funny videos on the web. Here is a hilarious bit with Anderson Cooper and his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt. If you ever think you’re too old or too accomplished to be embarrassed by your mother, think again!
Anyway, that's it for now. Think of me when you use your legs!
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Photo credit for arm fat photo: http://funstoo.blogspot.com/2011/08/awkward-moment-when-your-friends-arm.html
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Photo credit for arm fat photo: http://funstoo.blogspot.com/2011/08/awkward-moment-when-your-friends-arm.html
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