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So I sprained my ankle...

11/29/2011

22 Comments

 
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For those that haven’t heard, I sprained my ankle on Black Friday. I’ve been on the couch for five days straight. It hasn’t been much fun, but I did learn a few  things that I thought I might share with you now:

 1. If I stay completely still and don’t utter a sound, I can actually hear my butt spreading. Seriously.

2. There IS a limit to the amount of HGTV a middle-aged mom can watch in one sitting. Who knew?

3. While we’re on the topic of television, The Kardashians have absolutely no business being on the air. The insanity that is their lives is like “I Love Lucy” without laughter or lovable characters. And, yes, Kris Humphries is a bit of a dick, but I would have run out of that New York apartment faster than an oil-soaked Slip n’ Slide if I had to deal with the kind of crap he did. 

4. If you have to crawl on your knees in the kitchen, avoid suicidal Froot Loops that jump from the box onto the floor without provocation. They leave a goofy, though pleasantly colorful, stain on your knees when crushed.

5. Ever hear of the classic romance movie, ‘Love Story’? Well, I finally saw it and was surprised to discover that Ali McGraw’s character is quite the wicked witch. That didn’t stop me from bawling like a baby at the end, though. 
 
6. Returning to my butt situation, I forgot how much fun it is to slide down the stairs on my keester. You get a nice massage out of it, too. 

7. Shopping on the internet ain’t so bad and, contrary to popular belief, during the holiday season Amazon does NOT change the pricing of individual items three times a day. They only do it twice. 

8. UPDATE 8/5/2012: The original content of item # 8 has been replaced with a photo of a poster I found in the window of a hair salon in Kirkland, Washington. Is it just me, or does the male model look suspiciously like Taylor Lautner? It's totally freaking me out.

taylor lautner?
Is that you, Taylor?
9. There are a lot of funny videos on the web. Here is a hilarious bit with Anderson Cooper and his mother, Gloria Vanderbilt. If you ever think you’re too old or too accomplished to be embarrassed by your mother, think again!
Anyway, that's it for now. Think of me when you use your legs!

-------------
Photo credit for arm fat photo: http://funstoo.blogspot.com/2011/08/awkward-moment-when-your-friends-arm.html
22 Comments
K Fields link
11/29/2011 02:30:08 am

Too Funny! Not your sprained ankle.. hope it heals quickly... here's an idea for the dreaded spread.. trying going up the stairs on your tush.. lol.. Feel better soon!

Reply
Mom link
11/29/2011 02:37:16 am

K,
Thanks for the well wishes, and I DO go up the stairs on my tush. Another reason for the ass spread!

Reply
XK link
11/29/2011 02:50:02 am

Aww, very sorry to hear about your ankle. Glad to hear you are keeping yourself entertained. =P

Reply
Mom link
11/29/2011 03:00:34 am

XK,
I don't know if I'd qualified watching the Kardashians as entertainment... ;)

Reply
AJ link
11/29/2011 03:06:42 am

Aww, get well soon, e-mommy...even though you're clearly not doing too bad with your limited mobility.

Oh, and I defy your HGTV theory...even when my mom ain't watching it, she's living it, so TECHNICALLY it's on at all times!





Are you well yet? I said soon!

Reply
Mom link
11/29/2011 03:10:47 am

You got me there, AJ. If only I could be picking out a second home in Italy right now as part of House Hunters International. A simple dream, but it's mine. And I'll try to speed up the recovery for you!

Reply
IYAAYAS Moderator link
11/29/2011 03:18:52 am

I hope your ankle heals quickly. I was always told a break was better, less pain. Seems like you are in pretty good spirits. Good luck.

Reply
Jen and Tonic link
11/29/2011 04:03:14 am

Have you seen Pinterest? My god, I could get lost for YEARS on that site.

You sprained your ankle on black fridaty? This is how those crazy shoppers start. Pretty soon you’ll be pepper-spraying people, and throwing elbows for a $2 waffle iron.

Reply
jayme link
11/29/2011 04:10:00 am

Sorry about your ankle!
I know how much that hurts. Hope it heals soon. At least you still have your awesome sense of humor. :]

Reply
Mom link
11/29/2011 04:35:49 am

IYAAYS,
I heard that, too. Gotta say, it's been painful but I've been through much worse before. Thanks for the luck!

Jen,
Oooh. I'll have to try that site out. I've got a lot of time on my hands. And the sad thing about Black Friday is I fell leaving the house at 5 a.m. that morning. Never fear, I went anyway. I stayed in the backseat armed with advertisements and had minions run into stores and do my bidding! ;)

jayme,
Aw, so sweet. It's important to keep one's humor. Without it, life could really suck!

Reply
nothingprofound link
11/29/2011 06:30:44 am

Janene, you do find the humor in every situation and it's wonderful. Ankle sprains can hurt like hell, I had a doozie a few years ago, when I was coaching gymnastics. My foot literally swelled to three times its size. However,(if you don't mind me being pedantic)the recommended treatment is to put on an aircast and get back on that foot as soon as possible. That might be better, or maybe not, than crawling around on your keester. Hope it heals soon.

Reply
Mom link
11/29/2011 06:34:24 am

NP,
It sounds like you had the doozies of all doozies! Plus, as a gymnastic coach, I bet you saw a lot, too. You'll be happy to know I'm being a good patient. I've got my air cast on and I'm actually starting to hobble around. Can't say I look too pretty, though!

Reply
TJ Lubrano link
11/29/2011 09:56:49 pm

Hello hello! Just checking to see if all is going well with the ankle!! May it be healed soon, so you can skip around again ^_^. Yes, skipping and no strolling. Oh maybe you need to wear a flowery dress for this as well? Hmm...I shall have a ponder! hehe.

Ciao ciao!

Reply
Mom link
11/29/2011 10:48:22 pm

TJ,
Ha ha! Shall I make a crown of meadow flowers to wear as well? Hopefully, I'll be skipping soon. This 'on your butt' stuff is wearing thin.

Reply
Theresa H Hall link
11/29/2011 11:23:23 pm

I am so sorry you sprained your ankle. You didn't say how you did it. Were you shopping at WalMart?

I know what you mean about HGTV because I do marathons with the TIVO, especially with the House Hunters International and the Property Brothers.

Loved the sliding down the stairs and the Froot-Loops. Be well!

Reply
Mom link
11/29/2011 11:38:21 pm

Theresa,
I actually sprained leaving the house! Still went anyway, though I only made it into one store. The rest of the crew shopped while I stayed in the car. :(

As for HGTV, I LOVE HHI. So fun to see exotic places. And the Property Brothers have an awesome show. The only thing I don't like about it is the blond streaks in Jonathan's hair. Does the HGTV brass force him to do that, thinking viewers couldn't tell them apart otherwise? But I digress. The show is cool!

Reply
TJLubrano link
11/30/2011 01:42:52 am

How could I forget about the crown?!
Yes, totally wear one as well. The clothing for your butt is wearing thin :| You need a butt cover STAT!

Reply
zobop republic link
11/30/2011 03:38:10 am

When I was a kid the neighborhood kids played rough. I once got hit in the nose by a 'dirt bomb'! It's a clump of mud/dirt that we threw at each other. It was kind of like a war game. I believe it messed up my nasal passage but not too bad of course. I lived. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger! :-)

Reply
Mom link
11/30/2011 03:50:22 am

TJ,
LOL! Getting a butt cover now!

zobop,
Ugh. That stinks...or doesn't depending on how screwed up your nasal passages are. Seriously, that sucks. But you're last quote is so right. In fact, it's one of my mantras!

Reply
Brooke Williams
12/5/2011 04:43:07 am

You have a great blog!

I have a blog as well, but I’m only able to update it when big events occur so I can remember them later in my daughter’s life. ☺

I am a freelance writer and I was wondering if you’d be interested in a writing opportunity I have for moms.

Email me for details: djforjesus@hotmail.com

Reply
PBScott link
12/14/2011 12:57:49 pm

Ouch sorry to hear about your ankle, you will have to be careful with that for the rest of your life now, as they don't really tend to ever get their strength back. I know I have sprained one of mine about 7 times now.

Funny post, always good to visit here and get a laugh.

Reply
Mom link
12/14/2011 08:45:28 pm

PBScott,
Noooooo! I've been surprised by how long the recovery is taking. I've been up on my feet and walking for awhile now, but it still hurts and I can't function 100%. ARgh! And 7 times? Yikes! That must suck.

Reply



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