First, I sat down to read the comics this morning and Sarge beat the living snot out of Beetle Bailey AGAIN. I’m sorry, but the humor found in the cyclical abuse of a defenseless underling by an authoritarian figure is lost on me. People living in abusive relationships must really yuck it up when they see that, huh? I mean, jeez! If I wanted to get depressed I’d be reading Funky Winkerbean. Throw the handcuffs on Sarge and lock him up already. Sheesh!
Later, on Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Meredith Viera was so much more sadistic than usual. She did the whole, ‘I’m not sure if that’s the right answer’ frowny face thing, only to morph into a giggly grin and say, “That’s right!” thing almost every single time. For God’s sake, woman, stop playing with our emotions! My sanity is hinged on the knowledge that Damascus is the capital of Syria. Don’t mess with me!
Then there’s my microwave. 4 minutes and 23 seconds to reheat four ounces of pasta primavera? Really? Either the special heating sensor fairies think I have a steel - coated esophagus or they’re out to get me. Strike that. I KNOW they’re out to get me.
Then to top things off, that stupid 1980s Pantene commercial featuring Kelly LeBrock saying, “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful” keeps playing in my head. I didn’t hate her because she was beautiful. I hated her because she was narcissistic enough to say that in front of a camera. Have some humility, will ya?
Whoa. Sorry. That was really snarky. Blame in on the PMS...
Anyway, now I’m sure you understand why I’m a little off today. There’s only so much riciulousness I can handle. Now I going to scoop some peanut butter out of the jar with my bare hands and dip it into a bag of chocolate chips.