tattoos are evil

11/2/2011

So Mattel just came out with 'Tokidoki Barbie,' a pink-haired, tattooed incantation of the iconic doll. Many mothers are outraged, and I am one of them.

You heard me. This whole thing is just terrible! Since the 1950's we've counted on the Barbie franchise to not only uphold but glorify the 4 standard B's of beauty:

BLOND and BLUE EYES with BIG BOOBS.

And now look at what they've done! Girls are going to think there is more than one kind of way to be beautiful, and that's just wrong -- WRONG!

Don't even get me started on tattoos. We all know what getting one of those can lead to....

Wait, you don't?

Well, then let me enlighten you. Below is a little story I slapped together this morning while my youngest was eating his what-kind-of-a-mother-are-you crap cereal before he went to school.

For full effect, read along with a If You Give a Mouse a Cookie voice in your head. Here it goes:

IF YOU GIVE A TEEN A TATTOO

If you give a teen a tattoo...

She'll start to hang with the wrong crowd.

She'll start skipping social studies class and playing music way too loud.

Soon she will start drinking, then she'll move to hard core drugs.

She'll not only hang with losers but consort with evil thugs!

They'll tell her that they know a way to get her drugs for free.

They'll dress her like a skanky ho and let men play with her for a fee.

So don't give your teen a tattoo. Perhaps a Barbie Doll instead?

She might not be too happy, but at least she won't end up dead!

So now you've been warned:

TATTOOS LEAD TO PROSTITUTION.

Now go in peace, and don't even THINK of getting a tattoo. Do you hear me?

(Side note after someone reading this thought I was serious: I'm not serious. Still, if you do decide you want a tattoo, remember they are permanent. In the Eighties, I thought fingerless lace gloves would never go out of style and...you know. A Tweetie Bird tattoo on your ankle might not look so cool when you're 85 years old. Just sayin'.)

56 Comments

The Boo

11/2/2011 05:36:57 am

"TATTOOS LEAD TO PROSTITUTION"

^ I wouldn't mind having that on a T-shirt.

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9/27/2012 10:08:30 pm

Hello there! I must tell you the blog post is really good. It is very informative. I want to mention one thing that I like the way you write the post to the point. I really appreciate and keep writing!

Angie Alaniz link

11/2/2011 05:46:22 am

I don't know about it leading to prostitution but I sure has heck think putting out a Tattoo Barbie is terrible idea. I would be outrage as well if I had small daughters at home who I was trying to raise and suddenly of them said something like "Oh I want a Tattoo Barbie" - I think I would pretty much puke.

PS: I love the if you give your teen a tattoo cartoon.

Mom link

11/2/2011 06:57:44 am

Boo,
Or tattooed onto your body. Wonder how people would react to that! ;)

Angie,
Word is that Mattel created it more for the collectors' market than for little girls. Personally, I don't mind the whole thing, though I'm not a big fan of tattoos. Like all other fashion accessories, I'd be worried I'd be tired of them after awhile. Then what? How stupid would it be to see a 65 year-old woman with a butterfly tattoo on her lower back. Cripes!

TJ Lubrano link

11/2/2011 06:57:56 am

I loooove the doodles :D

I honestly don't know what they were thinking when they decided to transform Barbie. I mean such an iconic doll, many girls set her as an example. I've seen a documentary from Japan and they have like a Barbie warehouse. Barbie is literally everywhere and many many little girls have her as an idol. And now they promote her with tattoos? I have nothing against tattoos, but I don't want little girls walking around with one either. Sigh. Why don't people think!

Mom link

11/2/2011 07:12:42 am

TJ,
Glad you liked them. I worked really hard. ;)

Honestly, I'm not really shaken up by the whole thing. They probably won't sell many, and if parents don't want them for their kids they won't buy them. There are so many different types of people in this world and so many different kinds of beauty. Still, I can see how some parents might be upset. I guess I'm just not.

Angie Alaniz

11/2/2011 07:18:19 am

@ TJ
That's the problem, they don't think.
I feel the same way. If you want to get a tattoo get one. BUT to promote them on Barbies for little girls makes me wonder whats next?

PS: Janene, I figured your cartoon was a joke it was a bit to much. lol

Mom link

11/2/2011 07:31:52 am

Angie,
LIke I said, I'm not too broken up about it. Still, I understand your concern. And I'm glad you understood that my story was a joke. I couldn't believe that other person thought otherwise!!

nothingprofound link

11/2/2011 07:52:26 am

And Janene, death is only the beginning. Imagine all the pain those tattoos are going to cause them in the afterlife. I hear the devil burns them off with a soldering iron.

Mom link

11/2/2011 08:02:21 am

NP,
Ha ha! Love it. I need to 'illustrate' another panel to go along with that!

TJ Lubrano link

11/2/2011 08:39:48 am

@ Angie: Yep, you can think up the craziest of things and it could come true. Nowadays people can be very open minded.

@ Janene: You're very right though, many types if individuals and many types of beauty. Side story that popped in my mind now: You know what I heard on the news a while back...they want to start giving sexual education at 4 years old. Now...I don't know what to think of that :\ I mean some kids can be more 'adult' in their mind, but some aren't...but to give this as a general subject from such a young in school...not sure what I must think of this.

And yes! I want to see more doodles :D.

Mom link

11/2/2011 09:14:48 am

Oh my lord, TJ. The only thing scarier than teaching 4 year olds sex ed is the thought that some people think 4 year olds need it. What in the heck do they think is going on in their lives?

Shudder.

(Oh, and I still can't believe you want to see more doodles. So silly!)

TJ Lubrano link

11/2/2011 09:51:31 am

I know. I was literally yelling at the TV.

(Why more? They made me happy haha :D I am silly yes.)

Jared Dela Paz link

11/2/2011 07:20:37 pm

Gahahaha! I want mawr!

Mom link

11/2/2011 10:39:25 pm

TJ,
I don't blame you. (Glad I made you happy, too!)

Jared,
Muwa ha ha! Glad you liked it!

Lady J link

11/3/2011 12:04:26 am

LOVE IT! This was soo entertaining. I do agree that before getting a tattoo you do have to think long range and too many people don't.

I love your illustrations. :)

zobop republic link

11/3/2011 01:25:44 am

So now Mattel is teaching and encouraging young girls to get tramp stamps! Oh, the humanity!

SprigBlossoms link

11/3/2011 01:43:58 am

I loved it that you added the "if you give a mouse a cookie" voice to your post!

Mom link

11/3/2011 02:14:53 am

Lady J,
Glad you enjoyed it. Think I might try to become an artist....okay, maybe not. ;)

zobop,
Crazy, huh? At least girls have to wait until 18 before they can get tattoos. A five year-old with a tramp stamp? Yikes!

Sprig,
It just seems to fit, doesn't it. ;)

tershbango link

11/3/2011 06:04:01 am

Oh, crap. You mean I was supposed to be getting PAID???? LOL

PBScott link

11/3/2011 02:47:34 pm

I am not a fan of tattoos, I have never found them attractive, having said that, I almost got a tattoo once, about 20 years ago I walked into the tattoo parlor with my money and a design in mind, to be placed on my right shoulder blade, but the artist didn't know what the Om symbol was.

At least Barbie's tattoos won't fade and stretch with age into blotches, like it does on real people.

florence Berry link

11/3/2011 07:44:36 pm

i have a tattoo, against my parents and elder siblings wishes.

The funny thing is it's well hidden as i considered things like wedding day, interviews..etc where you wouldn't want to show the tattoo.

my parents also found out about the tattoo when i had a car crash (not me being foolish, i was working too hard and fell asleep at the wheel after a 13 hour shift) and they wanted to check for bruising of which i squeeled and said no, they knew instantly i'd gone and got inked.

after my elder sisters were called to share how disgusting my actions were, they came over for inspection.. of which they said 'oh that's quite nice'

i'm planning to get more (once funds are around) my next one is going to be a joint with my best friend (i've known her since i was 5 and grew up through different schools and colleges and uni's, we're now 21 so i think that's justified.)

I'm a proper girly girl and i've never done drugs, tried smoking once and didn't like it. (i mean it's inhaling smoke.. why would you like it?) and i think as long as it's not influenced by someone else why not get a tattoo... woooooo tattooooos! :)

x

Mom link

11/3/2011 10:22:17 pm

tershbango,
Looks like you missed the boat! ;)

PBScott,
I'm not a big fan, either -- just the way I roll -- but I'm with you on the Om symbol. That one would be cool. As for stretching out, a friend of mine's college buddy got one one below her navel. It stretched out when she had her first child and looked ever so silly afterward. Yikes!

Florence,
A proper girl with a tattoo? Impossible! ;) I think you were smart to put it in a place that could be concealed. Like you said, there are times when having one might not be convenient. Thanks for sharing your story, too. I would have loved to see your parents reaction when your sisters said, 'cool!' One word of caution, though, a tattoo of you and your friend sharing a joint probably isn't the smartest. People might get the wrong idea. (JK - I knew what you meant. Just had to be silly.)

Jen link

11/4/2011 12:00:19 pm

You know, after watching one of Miley Cyrus's (a Disney star) music videos, I'd rather give my kid a tattoo.

"TATTOOS LEAD TO PROSTITUTION."

That made me laugh!

Mom link

11/5/2011 12:00:46 am

Jen,
Not a Miley fan? ;) Luckily for you, she appears to have dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe she's in a tattoo parlor somewhere having 'Hannah Montana Forever' tattooed to her butt.

Spill Kits link

11/6/2011 10:58:50 pm

That is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Thumbs up! :)

Mom link

11/6/2011 11:09:14 pm

Spill Kits,
Funny?! I was being serious! ;) Glad you got a laugh.

michelle tebor link

11/13/2011 05:24:35 am

This is a hysterical article. Barbie is and has always been a totally absurd toy for girls. With or without tattoos, I hope my girls will choose to play with the wooden blocks rather than spend their time trying to figure out what Barbie should wear to the beach party.

Mom link

11/13/2011 08:18:49 am

Michelle,
Aw, she's not that bad. I had a ton of fun with her as a kid, though I did favor my Crissy doll with hair that grows...until my little sister took a green magic market to it. Still, I did wish I looked like her -- an impossible feat. I doublt wooden blocks would lead to an identity crisis!

Theresa H Hall link

11/22/2011 03:07:17 pm

Hey You! Mommy with the curlers in your hair! Clean Up Your Act! Ha! :)

Sprout those wings, fly over to the laundry room, grab all the laundry and drive to the laundry mat. Simple solution. That'll finish off those clothes. Happy Thanksgiving.

Mom link

11/26/2011 03:15:52 am

Theresa,
tee hee! I'm guessing this comment is for my laundry post. Thank goodness, I've got my machines back. The laundry pile looked like Mt. Everest by the week was over. So glad to be back on track.

adysan

5/4/2012 07:49:54 am

Haha. Totally thought the top section was for serious until I kept reading I was like ok... The four B's of beauty? Really?!?!?!

Mom link

5/5/2012 08:55:36 am

I know, I know. The four B's of beauty are really brunette with brown eyes....and big boobs, of course. Gotta have the big boobs. ;)

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tattoos are evil

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