Earlier this month, something scary happened to me. I became the mother of a teenaged boy. That’s right, my oldest son turned 13 and I’m not prepared one bit. Sure, teenaged girls can be moody and all but boys? They’re INSANE. They’re also in great need of advice, so you might see a few more testosterone-infused posts around here. In fact, you might see one right now.
Yep, I’m starting off with a bang-- actually more like a roundhouse kick. Today’s subject is Chuck Norris. Why Chuck, you may ask? Well, first of all, he's a bad ass. Just check out the following facts:
FACT: Chuck Norris was Professional Middleweight Karate champion six years in a row. In his prime, he could jump over six guys standing side by side. That’s one guy for each championship year. Whoa.
FACT: Chuck Norris is a world class actor. Just look as his range of emotion:
Yep, I’m starting off with a bang-- actually more like a roundhouse kick. Today’s subject is Chuck Norris. Why Chuck, you may ask? Well, first of all, he's a bad ass. Just check out the following facts:
FACT: Chuck Norris was Professional Middleweight Karate champion six years in a row. In his prime, he could jump over six guys standing side by side. That’s one guy for each championship year. Whoa.
FACT: Chuck Norris is a world class actor. Just look as his range of emotion:
Angry Chuck
Sad Chuck
Happy Chuck
Before starring in his own TV show, Walker,
Texas Ranger, he had 26 action films under his belt. My favorite line is from Code of Silence: “When I want your opinion, I’ll beat it out of you.” Like I said, bad ass.
FACT: In what I would call a resounding victory, Chuck Norris beat Abraham Lincoln in the Epic Rap Battles of History #3. (This is where I would normally post a link. Unfortunately, the video contains a few ‘unsuitable’ words and, as a mom, I feel obligated to shield you….Oh, what the heck. If you want to see it, click here. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
Despite the above accomplishments, however, what makes Chuck truly special -- and legendary -- are the Chuck Norris Facts that permeate the web. Many say these are pure mythology, just fun quips and sayings to make you laugh. That may be true but I still say this:
Don’t mess with Chuck Norris.
Anyway, I’ll end with my favorite top 20 facts. If you have any to add, just leave a comment!
Mom's Top 20 Favorite CHUCK NORRIS Facts
1. Before the boogie man goes to sleep at night, he looks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
2. When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He’s pushing the earth down.
3. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
4. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas at
night.
5. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
6. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask for his three-hole punch.
7. Chuck Norris doesn’t leave messages. He leaves warnings.
8. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars look both ways.
9. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
10. Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
11. Chuck Norris was born in a cabin that he built with his bare hands.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.
13. Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.
14. The term ‘cowboy’ is used because Chuck Norris is the only one qualified to be a ‘cowman.’
15. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
16. There’s no such thing as evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
17. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him.
18. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into The Hulk. When The Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
19. God said, “Let there be light.”Chuck Norris said, “Say, ‘please.’”
20. Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Texas Ranger, he had 26 action films under his belt. My favorite line is from Code of Silence: “When I want your opinion, I’ll beat it out of you.” Like I said, bad ass.
FACT: In what I would call a resounding victory, Chuck Norris beat Abraham Lincoln in the Epic Rap Battles of History #3. (This is where I would normally post a link. Unfortunately, the video contains a few ‘unsuitable’ words and, as a mom, I feel obligated to shield you….Oh, what the heck. If you want to see it, click here. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.)
Despite the above accomplishments, however, what makes Chuck truly special -- and legendary -- are the Chuck Norris Facts that permeate the web. Many say these are pure mythology, just fun quips and sayings to make you laugh. That may be true but I still say this:
Don’t mess with Chuck Norris.
Anyway, I’ll end with my favorite top 20 facts. If you have any to add, just leave a comment!
Mom's Top 20 Favorite CHUCK NORRIS Facts
1. Before the boogie man goes to sleep at night, he looks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
2. When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he isn’t lifting himself up. He’s pushing the earth down.
3. Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
4. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas at
night.
5. When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
6. If you work in an office with Chuck Norris, don’t ask for his three-hole punch.
7. Chuck Norris doesn’t leave messages. He leaves warnings.
8. When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars look both ways.
9. Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
10. Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
11. Chuck Norris was born in a cabin that he built with his bare hands.
12. Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.
13. Chuck Norris’ tears can cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.
14. The term ‘cowboy’ is used because Chuck Norris is the only one qualified to be a ‘cowman.’
15. Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
16. There’s no such thing as evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
17. Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t foolish enough to attack him.
18. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into The Hulk. When The Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
19. God said, “Let there be light.”Chuck Norris said, “Say, ‘please.’”
20. Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
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