So Mattel just came out with 'Tokidoki Barbie,' a pink-haired, tattooed incantation of the iconic doll. Many mothers are outraged, and I am one of them.
You heard me. This whole thing is just terrible! Since the 1950's we've counted on the Barbie franchise to not only uphold but glorify the 4 standard B's of beauty:
BLOND and BLUE EYES with BIG BOOBS.
And now look at what they've done! Girls are going to think there is more than one kind of way to be beautiful, and that's just wrong -- WRONG!
Don't even get me started on tattoos. We all know what getting one of those can lead to....
Wait, you don't?
Well, then let me enlighten you. Below is a little story I slapped together this morning while my youngest was eating his what-kind-of-a-mother-are-you crap cereal before he went to school.
For full effect, read along with a If You Give a Mouse a Cookie voice in your head. Here it goes:
IF YOU GIVE A TEEN A TATTOO
If you give a teen a tattoo...
You heard me. This whole thing is just terrible! Since the 1950's we've counted on the Barbie franchise to not only uphold but glorify the 4 standard B's of beauty:
BLOND and BLUE EYES with BIG BOOBS.
And now look at what they've done! Girls are going to think there is more than one kind of way to be beautiful, and that's just wrong -- WRONG!
Don't even get me started on tattoos. We all know what getting one of those can lead to....
Wait, you don't?
Well, then let me enlighten you. Below is a little story I slapped together this morning while my youngest was eating his what-kind-of-a-mother-are-you crap cereal before he went to school.
For full effect, read along with a If You Give a Mouse a Cookie voice in your head. Here it goes:
IF YOU GIVE A TEEN A TATTOO
If you give a teen a tattoo...
She'll start to hang with the wrong crowd.
She'll start skipping social studies class and playing music way too loud.
She'll start skipping social studies class and playing music way too loud.
Soon she will start drinking, then she'll move to hard core drugs.
She'll not only hang with losers but consort with evil thugs!
She'll not only hang with losers but consort with evil thugs!
They'll tell her that they know a way to get her drugs for free.
They'll dress her like a skanky ho and let men play with her for a fee.
They'll dress her like a skanky ho and let men play with her for a fee.
So don't give your teen a tattoo. Perhaps a Barbie Doll instead?
She might not be too happy, but at least she won't end up dead!
She might not be too happy, but at least she won't end up dead!
So now you've been warned:
TATTOOS LEAD TO PROSTITUTION.
Now go in peace, and don't even THINK of getting a tattoo. Do you hear me?
(Side note after someone reading this thought I was serious: I'm not serious. Still, if you do decide you want a tattoo, remember they are permanent. In the Eighties, I thought fingerless lace gloves would never go out of style and...you know. A Tweetie Bird tattoo on your ankle might not look so cool when you're 85 years old. Just sayin'.)
TATTOOS LEAD TO PROSTITUTION.
Now go in peace, and don't even THINK of getting a tattoo. Do you hear me?
(Side note after someone reading this thought I was serious: I'm not serious. Still, if you do decide you want a tattoo, remember they are permanent. In the Eighties, I thought fingerless lace gloves would never go out of style and...you know. A Tweetie Bird tattoo on your ankle might not look so cool when you're 85 years old. Just sayin'.)
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