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Teen Mom Wannabes? Say it isn't so.

12/16/2010

28 Comments

 
I feel your pain, kiddo.
I feel your pain, kiddo.
Another website recently reported that some teen girls are so obsessed with fame they are trying to get pregnant in order to audition for MTV’s reality show, Teen Mom. How delightful!

Whether it’s true or not, I don’t know. The info came from nameless ‘industry insiders.’ Regardless, I feel the need to address any poor soul who, in the hopes of scoring fifteen minutes of fame, ends up with a million minutes of misery.


That’s right. You heard me. Motherhood sucks.

Okay, so it doesn’t suck all the time, but I’d be lying if I said it’s a bed of roses. Moms deal with a lot of crap, both literally and figuratively. Along with many  great moments come a lot of awful ones…and boring ones...and bang-your-head-against-the-refrigerator ones, too.

Now before I continue, let me give props to Teen Mom. They don’t glamorize motherhood and do a fair job of showing how hard it can be. Still, MTV is in the business of entertainment and what they highlight on the show reflects the most interesting parts of the girl’s lives. ‘Interesting’ doesn’t always mean ‘good.’ In fact, a lot of it’s bad. Still, it’s interesting.

When you have a baby, there’s not a lot of ‘interesting.’ In the beginning, your life revolves around feeding the baby, rocking the baby, and changing the baby’s diaper. Not the best prime-time TV fare. And those diapers? They don’t smell like freshly baked apple pies, and newborns go through at least eight a day. You have to feed them eight times a day, too, and not just during daylight hours. There are midnight feedings, 2 AM feedings, 4 AM feedings…. Get the picture? Trust me, when you have a baby you never look at a pillow the same way again.

As they get older you don’t have to change their diapers and feed them as often. Instead, your time is spent running around after them making sure they don’t ruin everything you own or, God forbid, get hurt. Until a kid is at least three years-old, if you don’t watch them every minute they could die. Seriously. Did you know that most moms with young kids go to the bathroom with the door open? They're not exhibitionists. They just need to be available every single moment in case something terrible happens.  

Case in point: One day I really had to ‘go’ (‘nuff said). Feeling brave, I left my then twenty month-old son on the couch and went to the bathroom fifteen feet away. I couldn’t see him from there, but he was engrossed in Dora the Explorer so I thought I was safe.  A few minutes later I heard a soft whooshing sound. Was water running somewhere?

Yep. As soon as I hit the john, my son had headed up the stairs and into the master bath’s Jacuzzi. By the time I got up there, the tub was filled with five inches of water. He was too little to be able to get out of the tub on his own. If I hadn’t arrived in time….Luckily, I arrived in time.

I’d like to say things like that didn’t happen often, but I’d be lying. When you have a toddler, crazy stuff happens all the time. Their life is literally in your hands.

As for that mention earlier about Dora the Explorer? Be warned. All those annoying children’s programs, music, and toys will dominate your life. Forget Pretty Little Liars. You’re on the Yo Gabba Gabba bandwagon now.

As kids get older things don’t get easier, the challenges just change. There’s so much activity! The next time someone asks for my address, I’m just going to give them my license plate number. Plus all the cooking, cleaning, helping with homework. Holy frickin' moly. 

Still, it’s the mental aspect that’s toughest for me. Even though I have good kids, sometimes we struggle to get along. Shocking, I know. Plus I love them with every fiber in my being and want them to grow into happy, successful adults. A lot of pressure goes with that. I’m constantly worrying about how well they do in school, do they have enough friends, do they have the right friends, etc. The worrying never stops. Heck, I’m forty-three and my mom still worries about me. When you sign up to be a mom, you sign up to place someone else’s needs over your own for at least eighteen years. Is that worth a photospread in Okay magazine? Not in my notebook.

Now I’m not saying don’t have kids. There's a lot of joy in parenting, too. Just don’t have them when you’re a teen. There’s so much out there you've yet to experience. Doing it with a child is so hard. Somethings you can't do at all. Getting an education, travelling…even going out to a movie is tough. To give all that up for a shot at temporary stardom? Crazy.

Well, I’m done here. I hope I made my point. Now go give your mom a hug. She deserves it.


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28 Comments
Budget Bride link
12/15/2010 11:42:34 pm

this is a great post! You are right - they could die under 3 if you're not watching them all the time. I agree with you about Teen Mom. Though it does show the rough spots, I'm afraid some young girls will want to experience those rough parts in front of a camera.

Reply
Mom link
12/15/2010 11:51:54 pm

Budget Bride,
Thanks! If only there were a way for girls to seriously know what they are getting into before it happens. Not a lot of moms will openly admit that motherhood ain't all it's cracked up to be and, dang, there can be some really rough moments.

Reply
Tershbango link
12/16/2010 12:31:35 am

SO TRUE! Right on, Janene. I love your posts.

And for any mom who thinks she CAN shut the door for a moment, here's what happens:

http://tershbango.blogspot.com/2010/11/my-first-overdose.html

Reply
Konway East link
12/16/2010 12:36:33 am

I was watching 16 & Pregnant the other day, and I thought maybe I should start a Real Reality Television channel. One meant to show like what really really happens. My version of Teen Mom would end up with each child becoming wards of the state.

Reply
Mom link
12/16/2010 12:38:43 am

Tershbango,
You are a cautionary tale on two legs!! (You know I say that with love!) I read your post - hilarious, BTW - and you won't believe it: the same thing happened with my kid sister when I was growing up, all the way down to the brand of vitamins!

Reply
Mom link
12/16/2010 12:42:33 am

Konway East,
Come now. Don't be so pessimistic. Some children have wonderful lives in abject poverty with their mothers...make that grandmothers. Seriously, it can be a rough life, not just for the teenaged mother but for the child, as well. Girls need to think about more than just their selves.

Reply
Jules
2/19/2012 09:22:08 pm

I am one of those wannabe teen moms here's the thing there are some people who are very realistic like I am I have been this way for three years if I could get it out of my mind believe me I would but there is nothing that works I have even went to a Councilor! I dont want to be on teen mom or even 16 and pregnant I think i just want to be depended on.Believe me some people do think.

Reply
Mom link
2/20/2012 05:59:45 am

Jules,
You sound like someone with a lot of love to give. Still, I can't stress enough that you should wait. There are so many things you can do where people can depend on you that can widen opportunities for you instead of narrow them, and having a baby young doesn't just restrict your options in life, it also restricts your child's. If you want a person to depend on you try being a Big Sister or find a family (or maybe a young single mom?) that needs help. There are day care center -- heck, you don't even need to work with kids. If you want to talk more and need an objective opinion, feel free to contact me. I promise to listen with both ears.

Catherine Loyd link
12/16/2010 12:57:38 am

Ok, I was a teen mom. I love my children, but if I could go back I would tell myself to wait I would do it in a heartbeat. A teen's judgement is not great. I wasn't old enough to make the right choices, even though my kids were never harmed I could have been more patient, kind, and well, grown up. I am now in my thirties and often wish I was just now beginning my motherhood adventure. Waiting allows a teen mom to grow up and discover who she is, which in turn allows her choices to be guided by experence; that is better for everyone involved.

Reply
nothingprofound link
12/16/2010 01:13:42 am

Janene-how can you be so naive! Appearing on television is more important than anything. More important than freedom, more important than happiness, more important than life itself. Those fifteen minutes of fame would definitely be worth it! Can you imagine lying on your deathbed and realizing you'd NEVER been on television? What child would want a mother like that?

Reply
Mom link
12/16/2010 01:22:18 am

Catherine,
Thanks for sharing. I hope teens out there are listening. Having kids is tough, and even tougher when you're young. Glad you made it to the other side!

Nothingprofound,
Now that I've really thought about it, you're right. You've inspired me to dump my husband and kids, get DD breast implants and a leather bustier and try out for the next Brett Michael's 'Rock of Love' show. Thanks!

Reply
TJ Lubrano link
12/16/2010 01:47:26 am

Seriously! You have to be pretty naive to think that your life will get better
once you're 'star' on MTV.

Your life changes in heartbeat once you have kids, because their needs come first.
I personally think that you need to grow as a person and know yourself a bit better before you have kids.

You said it perfectly Janene!!

Reply
Mom link
12/16/2010 01:56:30 am

TJ,
Right on. When you're young, you're allowed to be egocentric (not egotistical, look it up if you don't know the difference)and that's the way it should be. It's your time to grow and learn what you truly want and what you are truly capable of doing. It's hard to maximize your potential when you have a little one with needs that come first.

Reply
timethief link
12/16/2010 03:13:12 am

What an excellent article that truly tells it as it is. Creating a human life is an act that comes with a lifetime commitment. IMHO all of America's teenage girls who are so stupid as to get pregnant just so they can be on TV are exactly the ones that ought not to contribute to the gene pool at all.

Reply
Mom link
12/16/2010 04:10:08 am

TT,
Oh, jeez. You're right. If a girl wants to get pregnant in the hopes to get famous she's not starting the game with a full deck. Imagine her being a mother? Yikes!

Reply
Ian C - My Twist News link
12/16/2010 05:08:19 am

Yeah, what she said.
I can testify that every word written in this post is true.
I am a father of 2 and stepfather of another 2. (4 total) Ages:- nearly 4, 5, 12 and 15.
The challenges never stop, they just morph into new ones. And every new challenge is usually more expensive than the previous.
This is about more than money. You WILL lose your childhood. You WILL lose your freedom. You MAY lose your sanity.
It's bad enough that teens are having sex, but having sex in order to get on TV, that's messed up.

Don't do it. It's the next 20 years of your life that you are signing away to someone else. Are you ready to commit to that, unconditionaly?

Reply
Mom link
12/16/2010 06:28:59 am

Ian,
Four kids ages 4-15?! Oh.My.God. You are one busy dude. And don't even get me started on the financial aspect. You're right, kids get more expensive as they get older. As for the losing your sanity question? I lost mine. Can't you tell?

Reply
Katja
12/16/2010 12:56:04 pm

I actually really enjoyed this post. Although I have not experienced motherhood and definitely will not soon (or ever, even), this was not new information to me, but I liked how you described it.

Reply
Mom link
12/16/2010 08:52:43 pm

Katja,
Glad you liked it and glad it's not new information. You'd be surprised how many people are clueless about what is really entailed. Others don't really get it until it hits them in the face. You're smart to wait.

Reply
Juliana link
12/16/2010 09:24:05 pm

What a great post - i just love this blog Janene. It's so 'gritty'.
We don't have that TV programme here yet - at least I don't think we do.
I so agree wtih your sentiments about being a parent. I had my first child at the age of 30 - supposedly a mature adult - by the age of 34 I had 3 kids and as much as I loved them, it was just a total physical slog. Husband was out at work for long hours and I had no family around or any support. It was just me and 3 babies. Whilst there were joyous moments, the majority of my time was hard physical slog and constant vigilance. as an only child, I had never considered that siblings could hurt one another!
When my middle one was 3 years old, he whacked the youngest one who was eighteen months old with a plastic teapot and split his head open, like you, my back was turned for just minutes. He ended up with 17 stitches and I got a visit from Social Services!
No-one could have prepared me for the awesome responsibility and daily grind of motherhood. There is no glamour whatsoever. I can't imagine the misery in being a teenage mom, living on welfare - bet the TV show doesn't really show the reality.

Reply
Mom link
12/16/2010 10:36:54 pm

Juliana,
Three kids in four years. Whoa. You're right about the constant vigilance, too. It's not like you're getting an aerobic workout watching kids, it's just that it's constant with no break at all. I can't imagine the horror when your son got hurt. How dare you turn your head for a split second! ;) Every mother has a story or two like that. Whenever I hear a story about a child getting hurt and someone says, "Where was the mother?" I cringe. It could have been me. It could have been ANYONE. Boy, it's such a tough job.

Reply
jay.me link
12/17/2010 02:57:11 am

I love being a mom, I love my kids!
I think parenting is a big job.(that never ends) With many important responsibilities and many wonderful benefits.

Teens having babies is tough. At a young age they are understandably not emotionally ready for the sacrifices, time, money, unconditional love and endless patience required to be a mom....(if those are a few requirements, some adults probably shouldn't be adding to the gene pool either.) --Having a baby just to get yourself some attention is a sure sign you are not going to start out as a good mom!
..One or both of them will undoubtedly suffer...more likely the
smaller one.

Reply
Mom link
12/17/2010 05:48:55 am

Jayme,
Well I'm glad SOMEONE loves being a mom! ;) There are a lot of good things about parenting, but you have to be ready for it all. You crystalized it nicely. Thanks!

Reply
Photodiction link
12/20/2010 02:38:37 am

There's that old saying "that it takes a village to raise a child". I can't help but wonder where the village disappeared to with these young mom wannabe's. Where are there parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents? And why aren't they providing the necessary guidance or dose of reality? I'm not trying to shift responsibility here, just making an observation about familial malfunction.

Reply
Mom link
12/20/2010 06:51:15 am

Photodiction,
Excellent question. I would hope someone in these girls' families would speak up and discourage this. Positive role models are so key.

Reply
Jules
11/8/2011 05:00:31 am

I am another on of those "kids" who want a kid though and the funniest thing I babysit and i never have a problem but i know i am not stable to care for a child so i need to just dream of it until it comes true.

Reply
Jules
2/19/2012 09:33:26 pm

i feel the same way it just feels like tearing me up.

Reply
Mom link
11/8/2011 11:18:02 am

Jules,
A lot of times dreams are so much more fun than reality. Plus babysitting is so much different than having a child of your own. Kids cost a lot of money, time and patience. You are so smart to wait.

Reply



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