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SlutWalk!

6/7/2011

22 Comments

 
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I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s an interesting movement afoot. It stems from a Toronto police officer who, when asked at a York University safety forum what women can do to avoid being victimized, said they “should avoid dressing like sluts.”

Wow. So eloquently put.

Not so surprisingly, that statement caused quite an outrage, spurring a group of women to stand up against the whole ’you asked for it’ mentality when it comes to sexual violence. Pretty noble cause. Like many women and men, I’m a firm believer in ‘no means no.’ It kills me when they blame the victim. Given all of this, I prepared to stand firm behind these female idealists. Then they announced their mission:

They want to take the word ‘slut’ back.

Oh.

Here’s a quote from their website (
www.slutwalktoronto.com):

Historically, the term ‘slut’ has carried a predominantly negative connotation. Aimed at those who are sexually promiscuous, be it for work or pleasure, it has primarily been women who have suffered under the burden of this label. And whether dished out as a serious indictment of one’s character or merely as a flippant insult, the intent behind the word is always to wound, so we’re taking it back. “Slut” is being re-appropriated.

We are tired of being oppressed by slut-shaming; of being judged by our sexuality and feeling unsafe as a result. Being in charge of our sexual lives should not mean that we are opening ourselves to an expectation of violence, regardless if we participate in sex for pleasure or work. No one should equate enjoying sex with attracting sexual assault.

This groups course of action? SlutWalks! On scheduled days in a North American city near you, women everywhere are invited to dress up in their Saturday worst and strut their stuff for empowerment. Sluts of the world unite!

Ummmm…

I’m going to say something incredibly shocking: a lot of moms like sex. They consider themselves ‘in charge of their sexual life.’ So does that authorize them to walk around in tight fitting mini dresses with their butts hanging out the bottom? Gross.

Granted, I can't say the whole promiscuity/sex for (ahem) ‘work’ thing applies to many of us. In truth, I doubt we're considered part of SlutWalk's target audience. If we are, though, allow me to say this:

I don’t want to take the word ‘slut’ back. I never had it in the first place. And if you are a woman who dresses like a tramp, has sex with a lot of men, and does both of these in such flagrant fashion that it’s obvious to all….well, all I’ll say is if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck....

Now don’t get me wrong. Rape is a violent act and rapists are downright sick. Some victims dress like hoochie mamas, others dress like nuns. Regardless, it is common knowledge that wearing provocative clothing invites sexual attention. You can't tell me you're shocked by this revelation.

Women have the right to dress any way they want. They also have the right to leave their car unlocked with the keys in the ignition. Is it wrong if someone steals their car? Absolutely. Could they have done anything to prevent it? Yes.

If you want to avoid being a victim, be smart. Dress smart. If you do decide to dress a little risqué one night and someone accosts you, I will strongly be in your corner. But, all in all, I’d rather you try and avoid the whole situation in the first place.

If you don’t want to be treated like a slut, the best course of action is not to dress like one. They're harsh words but they're also the truth.

So to you SlutWalk folks, please stick to your original message. That one I can get behind. But don't equate the word 'slut' with sexual empowerment. That just doesn't sit well with me.

photolink

22 Comments
claza link
6/7/2011 03:40:26 pm

A great post Janene and you make some good point. I always lock the car! If your feeling sexy you can dress up with out dressing like a slut :)

Reply
Mom link
6/7/2011 11:42:53 pm

Claza,
Glad you like it and I agree!

Reply
TJ Lubrano link
6/8/2011 02:46:05 am

Ciaooo! I totally agree with the points you make. It's possible to avoid certain situations. So when you dress more provocatively, keep in mind that you'll get attention. Also, the fashion world is so big, there are tons of ways to dress more sexy without looking like a slut.

Reply
Mom link
6/8/2011 04:24:15 am

TJ,
Well said. It's not just what you wear, but where and when you wear it. Girls have to be smart. And you're right, there are a so many ways to look hot without looking trashy -- that is, unless trashy is your goal. If it is, make sure to be prepared for situations that may arise.

Reply
Tershbango link
6/8/2011 05:12:29 am

Well written, J. I don't care to take back that word, either. It can probably just be buried along with the C word.

Reply
Mom link
6/8/2011 05:17:47 am

Tershbango,
I'm all for that! I know they chose that word because it came from the police officers mouth, but really? I think it muddies what they're trying to do.

Reply
The Boo
6/8/2011 05:51:39 am

I guess you already know my opinion on the matter - I, and I think all sane people, are against rape and know it's wrong. I'm also passionately against the objectification of women - whether it's men who are doing it to women or women who are doing it to women.

Reply
Mom link
6/8/2011 08:08:22 am

Boo,
Not only do I know your opinion, I grealy support it. The objectification of women is a hot topic for me, too. So hot it sizzles, in fact.

Reply
TheCrankyCanadian link
6/8/2011 08:22:55 am

Mom's like sex??? WTF?? Thanks for painting a truly horrid picture in my brain of my mom...ugggghhhh....she's not doing anything!! Nothing at all!! I was immaculately conceived!! haha!!

Ok, all joking aside, I agree 100%! I agree so much that I can't even add anything to the discussion because you covered it all. :)

Granted, it really is a horrible, inexcusable crime but when I hear about women dressed in a face cloth getting raped in dark alleys behind the club, I have a hard time feeling sorry for them. As you said, if they dress like a tramp, aren't they asking for it? I can't imagine they dress like that because it's comfortable.

My opinion: you reap what you sow.

Reply
Mom link
6/8/2011 08:36:00 am

Cranky,
If it makes you feel better, please know that I have three children, which means I've had sex -- you guessed it --three times. They were enjoyable times, but only three. ;)

As for scantily clad women getting raped behind clubs, I understand where you're coming from, but disagree. I think what those women are asking for and what they receive are two decidedly different things. They dress for attention, but not THAT kind of attention. Problem is, they can't always choose. Dressing more modestly is just a safer bet under many circumstances. If someone chooses to dress provacatively -- heck, even if they don't -- they have to be extra smart. No dark alleys, no leaving places with strangers... the list goes on.

Some girls dress that way from a feeling of empowerment, others from a position of neediness. Why they wear what they do can have as many motivations as why a man rapes a woman.

Ugh. This is such a hard topic, isn't it?

Reply
PhotoDiction link
6/9/2011 08:28:29 am

"But don't equate the word 'slut' with sexual empowerment. That just doesn't sit well with me." Couldn't agree more. Let's all be a little more responsible for our actions and for recognizing that as much as we may want a different world, we live in one where some people will always read their own message into the statements that people are trying to make. Everyone SHOULD be free to wear or behave any way they feel expresses who they are. Unfortunately, the reality of living in a world where people aren't perfect dictates that we should perhaps temper some of what we want.

Reply
Mom link
6/9/2011 08:44:06 am

PhotoDiction,

AMEN!

Reply
Bez link
6/12/2011 03:32:07 am

Wow.

You make a bunch of smart points, actually, that I normally wouldn't have agreed with. I like that my views have been challenged, thank you.

I personally wish girls would walk around wearing whatever they want and life would be like a constant carnival, but then again I'm not a sexually repressed madman who would attack one of said girls. Hmm.

Reply
Bez link
6/12/2011 03:51:41 am

Whoa, just saw CrankyCanadian's comment. I guess there's a chap who probably doesn't understand "no means no".

So what if there's a woman dressed in a face cloth in a club?
"Hey there, I'd like to have sex with you."
Facecloth lady:"Thanks for the compliment and I hope you get laid tonight, but I'm not interested. Have a good night."
"Nope, sorry, you're not wearing many clothes, that means I can rape you and it won't really be my fault that much, a repressed and morally shady Canadian said so on a blog comment chain."

Face cloth lady gets raped, even after she didn't ACT like a slut. And you don't feel sorry for her? She deserved it? Really? Are you a neanderthal?

Facecloth lady may think she's wearing something fashionable and chic, that she's seen Kate Middleton or Katy Perry wearing. Rapist thinks she's dressed like she's asking for it. Even though Facecloth lady acts like the perfect lady and conducts herself with dignity, she still gets raped because of what she LOOKS like!?

Excuse my French, Canadian, but are you out of your fucking mind?

So with that logic people get what they deserve because of what they wear. Ergo, with the same logic, Muslim women who choose to wear the burka SHOULD be ignored by men treated as second-class citizens by them because they've chosen to dress that way.

So a person walking down the streets covered in tattoos and piercings should be treated as dangerous and probably ill-educated because they've dressed that way. They'll also probably eat your kids, because hey, that's the message they're putting out there.

A straight woman with short hair and dungarees should be treated like a lesbian because she dresses that way...Oh look I'm not going to go on patronising you with the thousands of other examples, you're a smart person I'm sure you get what I mean.

My main point is that a girl who "glams up" might not be going out looking like a "slut" but you seem to be saying she deserves it if someone (maybe you) thinks she looks like a "slut".

Who the fuck are you to judge?

People can wear whatever they want. They should be judged by their actions, not by other people's sexually repressed prejudices.





Reply
Mom link
6/12/2011 07:57:41 am

Bez,
Whew! Cranky sure set you on fire! :)

I think your response made an excellent point. A woman's perception of how they dress could be totally different than that of the people looking at them. You're right -- look at some of the fashion magazines -- SHEESH!

Anyway, I think you might also be interested to know that Cranky is a woman. Which brings up an interesting question: Who are more forgiving when it comes to women's choice of apparel, men or women? Certainly, a lot depends on the individual person. Still, I think many men have had the 'no means no' business drilled into their heads, where as many women have been brought up with 'yes, no means no for most men, but there are still plenty of neanderthals out there, so be safe and dress smart.'

I have to say that I'm happy to see you're not one of the neanderthals. They are out there, though. And as much as I hate stereotyping, there are so many people out there that use preconceived notions as their guide. I wish women could wear whatever they wanted, but they just can't under certain circumstances. For those who choose to dress provacatively, I just hope they are doing it with clear vision and under the right circumstances. I would so hate for them to be misunderstood.

Reply
Bez link
6/12/2011 05:56:31 pm

Mom (it feels weird calling you this),

Thanks for your thoughts! Indeed, chap or chap-ette my points still stand, and you're right, it does raise interesting questions about tolerance - but I think as a whole, women are far more critical of other women than men are.

As to the rest of your post, and I think your original title, I agree with you. Girls should be careful about what they wear in certain places, but at no point would a sexual assault on their person be considered "their fault".

That is, of course, unless we are going to be living in a backwards and medieval society (without naming names, some of these places already exist) ruled by people like Cranky. ;P

Reply
PBScott link
6/12/2011 06:58:54 pm

I think you did make a lot of very good points Janene, it does take a whole lot of things to put yourself in a situation of rape though in my opinion, dressing like a slut and being alone in a position for people to take advantage of you is just bad judgement all around.

I remember a story a few years back about a 15 year old kid who just got his first paycheck, he cashed it and carried it around in a big wad in his pocket showing it to everyone, including strangers in 7 eleven. Sadly he did not live to see another day.

They say if you don't want to be a victim, don't walk like one, dressing sexually then proceeding to get drunk and go to an area where people can rape you does not say much for your intelligence.

If you want to dress like that you should be aware you will attract the attention of that type of person, and should definitely do everything to keep yourself safe.

The police weather successfully or not that said that statement I am sure meant to do it with good intentions.

Also I think dressing sexy is a relative thing, it only matters if you dress sexier than everyone else at a particular place to get the most attention, assuming you are attractive also. If everyone wants to dress in short skirts that is perfectly fine, but when you are the only one, you better watch your back.

Reply
Mom link
6/12/2011 10:33:53 pm

Bez,
No need to call me 'mom.' Janene also works. ;) I'd have to agree that in most free-world countries, women are less tolerant of clothing choices than man no matter if it's a man or woman wearing them. With all the magazines and messages we're given from a very young age, we've been told that clothes define you. Ugh. Yet, as you say as well, there are a lot of backward societies out there, too, where women have so much more to be concerned with than just what they wear. I find that incredibly sad.

PBScott,
Oh, that story about the boy is so tragic! Very, very sad. But you used it to make one of many excellent points. Like you, I think the police officer was well-intentioned. I don't know if that makes the situation better or worse! :) And they way someone dresses can be very relative. It's a shame you have to put so much thought into some things but, at times, you really do.

Sigh.

Reply
Jay.me link
6/14/2011 03:32:21 am

Hi Janene,
Great post =)
I dislike that word. It must be a younger generation thing because
my nieces call their friends that, plus wh*re, b*tch ect. --like it's a good thing. ??

Bez said :"People can wear whatever they want. They should be judged by their actions, not by other people's sexually repressed prejudices."

...Isnt what you choose to wear is an action? Just like using foul language will make people think about you in a certain way.


Reply
Mom link
6/14/2011 05:26:55 am

Jay.me,
Thanks! Now I'm feeling old, too. I still remember my dad going nuts when I said something 'sucked.' I am so hopeful the word 'slut,' as well as the others you listed, don't become part of common speech. Yuck.

As for choosing what you wear being an action? Excellent observation, as well as an excellent argument!

Reply
Theresa H Hall link
6/25/2011 10:59:37 am

RAPISTS SHOULD BE NEUTERED, BEATEN AND INCARCERATED.

A long time ago one of my relatives was beaten and raped by a giant of a man, she but a small defenseless young lady. She was dressed as a lady and conducted herself as one. The brute was never caught.

We were brought up to dress and act ladylike. Even then there were those of us who were not safe.

I will say that even thought people should be able to dress any way they feel, too many times these days they believe showing their body parts (while delightfully shocking to others) is cool. To me it's simply vulgar.

For whatever reason ... men ... Listen up. Rape is criminal, wrong and No means No. The next time anyone thinks about raping some one think about your Grandmother suffering what you might intend for some unsuspecting victim. It;s violent and quite sick. We would much rather you take a gun and point it at your own head. There's justice for you.

This was a great article, well worded and as you can tell, it drew a strong response from me. One that I have no intention of (being nice) and erasing. Rape doesn't stop with the heinous crime. It scars permanently. the harm is like that Energizer Bunny ... it keeps hurting and hurting and hurting.

My advice is to dress appropriately and conduct yourself appropriately. look over your shoulder and in the end, don't trust anyone. Stick to two or three friends company and be smart. Street smart.

Reply
Mom link
6/26/2011 05:10:18 am

Theresa,
I am so SO sad to hear about your relative. Rape is a horrible, violent crime and I'm sorry that someone you love was a victim. Thank you for your response. I hope others read it.

Reply



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