I am ready to blow my top. Why? Because I just watched The Lone Ranger, a movie I'd been itching to see since it came out last summer. Well, obviously I didn't itch enough to see it in the theater, despite my love for Johnny Depp and Armie Hammer. Blame it on the not so kind reviews. Still, it couldn't be that bad. Johnny and Armie blamed the critics for the movies demise. They said it was good. So when it showed up during a free HBO weekend, I taped it. Well, guess what? Johnny and Armie lied. It was a monstrosity of madness -- a feast of abject horror for the heart and mind. In other words, it sucked.
I don't want to say too much lest I spoil it for people who haven't seen it yet. Wait. I actually do. I want to spoil so people who haven't seen it won't. Call it a mission to save people's precious time.
The problems with the film are numerous. One of the final scenes epitomizes its ridiculousness. The Lone Ranger, desperate for rescue, stands blindfolded on a cart with his wrists tied together in front of him. Hmm. Now I'm no cunning stunt master, but I'm pretty sure I can remove a blindfold even though my hands are tied in front of me. But not this dolt -- and he is a dolt. Though he refuses to kill a vicious man who's slaughtered many based on principle, he sees no problem in leaving an innocent man buried in the dirt to die. And they play it off as comedy.
Ha.
Okay, I'm done now. To keep you from falling in the same crappy movie trap that I did, I'm going to give you my favorite movie recommendations. Please note, not all are for kids. In fact, some are definitely not. Don't let the "Mom" of "Mom's Favorite Movies" fool you. Also, if you have any of your own, please let me know in the comments. I'd love to hear them.
MOM'S FAVORITE MOVIES
Mind-blowing Masterpieces:
The Matrix (1999)
The Sixth Sense (1999)
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Favorite Feel-Goods:
It's a Wonderful Life (1947)
Forrest Gump (1994)
The Shashank Redemption (1994)
Family Fun:
The Princess Bride (1987)
E.T. (1982)
Babe (1985)
Home Alone (1990)
Matilda (1996)
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Night at the Museum (2006)
National Treasure (2004)
Jurassic Park (2003)
Animated Awesomeness:
The Lion King (1994)
Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Up (2009)
Despicable Me (2010)
plus...
Best animation series:
Toy Story 1, 2 & 3 (1995/1999/2010)
Chick Flicks (I'll admit this is my least favorite category but I did like these.).
Ghost (1990)
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
Bridesmaids (2011)
Bridget Jones' Diary (2001)
Dirty Dancing (1987)
Legally Blonde (2001)
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
The Notebook (2004)
Pretty Woman (1990)
Titanic (1997)
And if you're looking for a total boo-hoo fest, look no further than...
Beaches (1988)
Super-est of Superhero Movies:
The Avengers (2012)
Spiderman (2002)
Iron Man (2008)
Captain America (2011) I haven't seen the sequel yet, a fact that's killing me!
Superman (1978)
Plus my favorite superhero series...
Batman Begins (2005)/The Dark Knight (2008)/The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Fabulous Fantasy series:
The Lord of the Rings (2001/2002/2003)
Harry Potter (2001/2002/2004/2005/2007/2009/2010/2011)
Best General Action and/or Adventure:
Die Hard (1988)
Taken (2008)
Dang, my favorites are mostly series. Here they are...
The Terminator 1 (1984) and Terminator 2: Judgment Day(1991)
Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), et al.
The Hunger Games (2012)/Catching Fire (2013)
Kill Bill Volume 1 & 2 (2003/2004)
The Bourne Identity (2002)/The Bourne Supremacy (2004)/The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) Still need to see #4. Was kind of bummed when I heard Matt Damon wasn't in it, but also heard it was good.
Django Unchained (2012) Not sure if it goes here but -- dang! -- what a great movie.
Coolest Comedies:
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1974)
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)
Groundhog Day (1993)
Trading Places (1983)
21 Jump Street (2012)
Caddyshack (1980)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Hot Fuzz (2007)
Wayne's World (1992)
Comedies I Love but Would be Embarrassed to Watch with My Kids Even Though They're Teenagers:
The Hangover (2009)
This is the End (2013)
Get Him to the Greek (2010)
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
There's Something about Mary (1998)
And those are my favorite films. If you watch one of them and thinks it sucks, you've got terrible taste. :) If you're still looking, I also have posts on The Funniest Christmas Movies Ever and The Top 10 Most Iconic Teen Movies from the 1980s.
I don't want to say too much lest I spoil it for people who haven't seen it yet. Wait. I actually do. I want to spoil so people who haven't seen it won't. Call it a mission to save people's precious time.
The problems with the film are numerous. One of the final scenes epitomizes its ridiculousness. The Lone Ranger, desperate for rescue, stands blindfolded on a cart with his wrists tied together in front of him. Hmm. Now I'm no cunning stunt master, but I'm pretty sure I can remove a blindfold even though my hands are tied in front of me. But not this dolt -- and he is a dolt. Though he refuses to kill a vicious man who's slaughtered many based on principle, he sees no problem in leaving an innocent man buried in the dirt to die. And they play it off as comedy.
Ha.
Okay, I'm done now. To keep you from falling in the same crappy movie trap that I did, I'm going to give you my favorite movie recommendations. Please note, not all are for kids. In fact, some are definitely not. Don't let the "Mom" of "Mom's Favorite Movies" fool you. Also, if you have any of your own, please let me know in the comments. I'd love to hear them.
MOM'S FAVORITE MOVIES
Mind-blowing Masterpieces:
The Matrix (1999)
The Sixth Sense (1999)
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Favorite Feel-Goods:
It's a Wonderful Life (1947)
Forrest Gump (1994)
The Shashank Redemption (1994)
Family Fun:
The Princess Bride (1987)
E.T. (1982)
Babe (1985)
Home Alone (1990)
Matilda (1996)
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971)
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
Night at the Museum (2006)
National Treasure (2004)
Jurassic Park (2003)
Animated Awesomeness:
The Lion King (1994)
Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Up (2009)
Despicable Me (2010)
plus...
Best animation series:
Toy Story 1, 2 & 3 (1995/1999/2010)
Chick Flicks (I'll admit this is my least favorite category but I did like these.).
Ghost (1990)
When Harry Met Sally (1989)
Bridesmaids (2011)
Bridget Jones' Diary (2001)
Dirty Dancing (1987)
Legally Blonde (2001)
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
The Notebook (2004)
Pretty Woman (1990)
Titanic (1997)
And if you're looking for a total boo-hoo fest, look no further than...
Beaches (1988)
Super-est of Superhero Movies:
The Avengers (2012)
Spiderman (2002)
Iron Man (2008)
Captain America (2011) I haven't seen the sequel yet, a fact that's killing me!
Superman (1978)
Plus my favorite superhero series...
Batman Begins (2005)/The Dark Knight (2008)/The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Fabulous Fantasy series:
The Lord of the Rings (2001/2002/2003)
Harry Potter (2001/2002/2004/2005/2007/2009/2010/2011)
Best General Action and/or Adventure:
Die Hard (1988)
Taken (2008)
Dang, my favorites are mostly series. Here they are...
The Terminator 1 (1984) and Terminator 2: Judgment Day(1991)
Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981), et al.
The Hunger Games (2012)/Catching Fire (2013)
Kill Bill Volume 1 & 2 (2003/2004)
The Bourne Identity (2002)/The Bourne Supremacy (2004)/The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) Still need to see #4. Was kind of bummed when I heard Matt Damon wasn't in it, but also heard it was good.
Django Unchained (2012) Not sure if it goes here but -- dang! -- what a great movie.
Coolest Comedies:
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987)
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1974)
Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)
Groundhog Day (1993)
Trading Places (1983)
21 Jump Street (2012)
Caddyshack (1980)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
Hot Fuzz (2007)
Wayne's World (1992)
Comedies I Love but Would be Embarrassed to Watch with My Kids Even Though They're Teenagers:
The Hangover (2009)
This is the End (2013)
Get Him to the Greek (2010)
Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (2004)
The 40 Year-Old Virgin (2005)
There's Something about Mary (1998)
And those are my favorite films. If you watch one of them and thinks it sucks, you've got terrible taste. :) If you're still looking, I also have posts on The Funniest Christmas Movies Ever and The Top 10 Most Iconic Teen Movies from the 1980s.
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