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Leave No Wild Child Behind

9/23/2010

10 Comments

 
It’s Homecoming weekend for our school district. (Yippee!) Due to this, I feel compelled to remind students of the Leave No Wild Child Behind Act.  Brought in as companion legislation to the Leave No Child Behind Act of 2002, this act focuses on behaviorally-challenged females in non-academic situations, mandating the following:

If a female has rendered herself judgement-impaired, be it via a lemonade-induced malaise or simple case of temporary stupidity, under no circumstance should they be abandoned or given the go-ahead to engage in activity that may result in the their harm, harassment, or future embarrassment. Examples include but are not limited to:

- Going to a party and accepting a proposal to enter the party giver’s parent’s bedroom or otherwise private, confined space with a member of the opposite sex whom they do not know well, even if they have been crushing on that person for a while.

- Meeting someone at a party/game/7-Eleven parking lot and deciding they seem okay enough to take a quick ride in their car.

- Meeting someone at a party/game/7-Eleven parking lot and deciding they seem okay enough to accompany during a quick walk around the block.

- Meeting someone at a party/game/7-Eleven parking lot…blah blah blah, you get the idea:
girl + guy + isolated environment + impaired state = bad.

girl + guy + isolated environment + no impaired state?
Sorry. It still equals stupid.
Additionally, under no circumstances should said female be allowed to pose in any state of undress in front of a photo device. This includes video cameras, cell phones, and the security camera embedded in the ATM outside of Walgreens.

Please note, this individual may not be judged by the quality of their appearance, the amount of lemonade they have consumed, or any statements they may have made prior in the evening. In addition, any statements or claims made by the individual during their attempt to proceed, to include, “I know what I’m doing,” “Go on without me, I’m fine,” or “Leave me alone, you’re not my mother,” will be rendered insufficient cause to continue.

On the flip side, if the phrase, “She deserves what she gets,” is uttered at any time by a female witness in close proximity to the situation, said female is to be dubbed a traitor to their sex and shunned until such time as they make amends.

Here’s the thing, guys: we all act stupid on occasion and sometimes what we fantasize about in our heads ends up being a downright scary situation in reality. Don’t let your fellow females down. Protect each other. As rock legend/sage advisor, Pat Benetar, once said, “love is a battlefield.” Your girlfriends are your fellow soldiers. When you go out as a team, you return as a team, leaving no wild child behind. 

Be safe out there, troops. I don’t want any casualties.

Not this weekend. Not ever.
10 Comments
ladygoodwood link
9/23/2010 03:27:40 am

What a great post - very funny but underpinned by a very strong message.

Here in the UK, we have TV advertising at the moment that focuses on 'safe' drinking. It shows footage of a young woman with her knickers round her ankles and with vomit down her front; another scene shows a girl laid in a gutter with blood coming out her head.

It's powerful stuff.

I was a teenager in the 70's and life just didn't seem as dangerous then. Biggest danger I was in was falling off my 8" platform boots and breaking an ankle!

Reply
Mom link
9/23/2010 05:10:48 am

Ladygoodwood,

Wow. That's quite an advertising campaign on the other side of the pond! But as you said, life is a much scarier place these days. Add an 'it could never happen to me' mentality and you could end up in real trouble. When girls stick together, the risks go down exponentially. Seriously.

Reply
nothingprofound link
9/23/2010 08:35:26 am

This should be put on a poster and displayed in every middle and high school classroom across the nation, and in the hallways as well. Might save a lot of young women a lot of grief.

Reply
Mom link
9/23/2010 10:22:41 am

nothingprofound,

I can tell you are a very wise person. How about 'veryprofound' instead? ;)

Reply
timethief link
9/24/2010 02:18:13 pm

Good post. The buddy sytemm works extremly well. All girls ought to be prepared to intercede when they see another girl may be about to fade off into the ozones with some guy alone and do something regrettable. Step up and crack a joke. Ask the other girl to accompany you to the ladies room. Make up and excuse of any lind to get her attention and then give her some wise council.

Last weekend here in BC there was an incident of a 16 year old being gang raped at a party wheil others looked on and used cell phones to photograph the event. They posted the images on Facebook and the police have been asking everyone's cooperation when it comes to taking those photos down. In her case she did nothing wrong or even silly; she was date rape drugged and raped by 6 or 7 boys.

P.S. I agree with NP. This post of yours is poster material.

Reply
Mom link
9/24/2010 02:45:03 pm

TT,
What an incredibly sad and angering story. I wish it were the only one, but it's one of many. It is so important for people to be careful out there - young, old, male or female.

I hope people take note of the suggestions you offered, as well as your cautionary tale.

:( Still shuddering.

Reply
jay.me link
9/27/2010 10:35:30 am

Love this post. Kids feel invincible sometimes, they just dont think anything could actually happen to them. I remember thinking that way...looking back I recall a "downright scary situation in reality"
Fortunately nothing bad did happen, but it easily could have.

Reply
Mom link
9/27/2010 11:17:24 pm

Jayme,

You're not the only one. That cold, prickly feeling? Been there. Not fun. I was fortunate, like you, but still....(shudder).

Reply
Rico Swaff link
9/29/2010 01:46:19 am

I am 27 years old and have baby brothers who are 13 and 11 years old. I love them more than anything. It would make me absolutely sick if they were at a party where a situation like TT mentioned took place and they made an impulsive, horrible decision of any sort or didn't decide to leave. Not that I could see them doing that...they are great kids, it's just that alcohol has the ability to transform people from good and respectable, to impulsive and dangerous due to the lowering of inhibitions effect it has. Boys need to be educated, educated, educated....for the majority of the education they receive are from modern popular teenager movies which portray the protagonists as sex-crazed and the female characters basically as the sex-trophies. It almost seems as if popular culture is influencing/empowering these teenage boys to act this way.

I am expecting a daughter in another month and now the potential future scenarios frighten me even more from a female's perspective.

Btw, I about jumped up for joy when I read your Doc Martens reference on the post below.

Reply
Mom link
9/29/2010 04:01:36 am

Rico,

You make excellent points, both about alcohol and pop culture. (steps on soap box : We are not living in a movie, people! We're talking real life!)

A huge congrats, BTW, on the soon-to-be-birth of your daughter. Send her my way in 13 years or so. :) And yes, I agree Doc Martens rock!

Reply



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