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Jeggings: Just Say No

9/2/2010

15 Comments

 
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Hey, guys! Have you heard about the latest fashion trend? They’re called ‘jeggings,’ a cute jeans/leggings combo to be worn in lieu of pants. Stylish, huh?  I would LOVE to find out who designed these super sassy things so I can hunt them down and burn them at the stake.

You heard me. I am not pleased.

Don’t get me wrong, I know they didn’t have me in mind when they created them. No one, and I mean no one, wants to see my thunder thighs sporting a pair. Jeggings were created for the typical American teenager. You know, the 5’10”, 100 lb. girl with big boobs, tiny waist and long, lean legs?  She’s featured in all the magazines.... Oh, sorry. You don’t look like that? Well just whip out the lip gloss and mark a big ‘ole "L" in the middle of your forehead right now.

Anyway, just because the target market for these cool puppies is limited to the perfectly proportioned, don’t think others won’t wear them.

Because they will, my dears. THEY WILL.

I’m not talking about your fellow students.  Teenagers have much prettier bodies than their fragile self-esteem allows them to believe. But there are other people out there, people who latch onto fashion trends despite their ability to wear them. These individuals must be protected from themselves or we, as a nation, will face an ocular doom of ungodly magnitude.

So begins my cautionary tale….

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I know, no leggings. Just work with me here.
Now others may remember it differently, but for me things really started taking shape in 1983 with the movie Flashdance, a sweet tale starring Jennifer Beals about a beautiful welder/exotic dancer who dreamt of performing for a real ballet company. You should have seen her. She was a maniac, maniac on the floor! She was dancing like she’d never danced before! Then she dumped a bucket of water on herself and the crowd went wild.

But I digress. The important thing is what the dancers wore: leotards, LEGGINGS, and leg warmers. (Oh, man. A chill just went down my spine when I wrote "leg warmers.") In addition to all that, there was Jennifer’s signature piece, the over-sized sweatshirt. Anyway, after the movie came out everyone wanted to have "the look."

Now thanks to a national aerobics craze fueled by Jane make-it-burn Fonda's illustrious videos, leggings (and legwarmers) had already worked their way into the gym. Once Flashdance debuted and girls saw super stylish young women wearing them instead of just super old (yet admittedly buff) ones, leggings started popping up everywhere. They officially became cool. 

In the beginning, people wore them with the signature sweatshirts. Then they moved on to tunics. Oh! I'd be remiss to omit Madonna's huge influence, too. She made the leggings/skirt combo very chic.  As time moved on, big wide belts were added to the mix, fashionably cinched at the waist. 

For many years leggings were incorporated into a number of looks, all reflections of the times. They all had one thing in common, though: one's butt was ALWAYS covered.

Then one day tragedy struck.

Quicker than Jimmy Dean could say “sausage links,” a horrifying practice emerged that left many fashion victims in its wake.  People started thinking – no, dare I say believing – that leggings could be worn as plain old pants. I can’t remember the exact year when it happened (sorry, I’m still dazed from the experience) but one fair morning in the early Nineties we woke up and realized the leggings trend had transformed into this:
 

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Frankly, that’s more than I needed to see. And now it’s happening again.

Leggings already made their mild comeback, our first cause of alarm. Plus watching jeans go from flared to skinny? Buttock-challenged females are still in a state of shock. And now we have jeggings. I ask you, do we really need to see and/or reveal every pucker and bulge again? I, for one, do not. Still, there will be those who blindly indulge, ending in results that will horrify.

So what do we do? Scorn the poor, unknowing fashion victims? No. Our wrath must be targeted at the real criminals: the lame-brained designers who brought jeggings to life. I mean, come on. We all come in different shapes and sizes. Why force an item which only 11.3% of the population looks good in? I know their job is to make us feel physically inadequate, but this is taking it way too far.

I, for one, am standing up to this injustice. I hope you will join me, too. Do everyone a favor: say no to jeggings.  

Trust me, the world will thank you.
 
15 Comments
Katja
9/2/2010 03:38:43 am

I agree with you so completely, it's as if you've looked through my brain and plucked out my opinion on 'jeggings'. I thought I was the only one who thought the same.
Everytime I see a person wearing leggings (or, unfourtunately, denim leggings. Ugh.), I fight the urge to pull thier shirt down over the person's bottom. Fashion is so ridiculous that it must be changed every year or decade.
I hope many people comment on this blog, agreeing on the stupidity of this trend.

Reply
Mom link
9/2/2010 03:46:14 am

Katja,

I'm so glad you agree. This horrifying fashion trend must be stopped! And I promise you, if I had a skinny butt/thigh combo I'd still feel the same. Such a tragic situation...

Reply
Antonia Blanca link
9/2/2010 08:03:08 am

Oh my goodness! I was cracking up the entire time reading this. I completely agree. I taught high school Spanish last year and OMG I wanted to scream everytime young ladies came in with leggings as pants. And jeggings! Dude! NOT PRETTY! I feel like writing to our government about this.

:-)

Reply
Mom link
9/2/2010 08:21:55 am

Antonia,

Too funny! We SHOULD write to the government. Anyone willing to sponsor a petition? I'll be the first one to sign it!

Reply
Queen Cyrie
9/2/2010 12:40:42 pm

Mom,
where did you get that awesome picture of my ass?

Ok. Seriously, as a retail manager I have a secret bit of info that will absolutely thrill you: the newest trend in tops is the longer the better. So if a person is truly fashionable, they will be back to wearing tunics and long sweater dress/shirts with their jeggings.

And just to put your inner 80's chick at ease, be happy to know that EVERY winter season I sell so many leg warmers that I can't keep my shelves stocked. The trend goes on and on and on...last year my company actually sold arm warmers as well. Go figure.

Reply
Deray
9/2/2010 12:51:08 pm

jajajaja I had a rant like that when the regular leggings came back to life! Now, jeggings? shoot me now!!!

Reply
Mom link
9/2/2010 01:37:25 pm

Queen Cyrie,

And here I was, thinking I had to protect your identity. ;)

Seriously, I'm so glad to hear the tunic/long sweater thing is coming back. I'm not condoning jeggings per se, but any trend that allows me to cover my arse is fashion gold for me. As for the leg warmers, can you hear my groan from there?


Deray,

You had me at 'rant.' I'm sure if we did the whole Six Degrees of Separation thing we'd connect in less than three. Honest.

Reply
awesomelissa link
9/2/2010 02:03:44 pm

Jeggings are cool... so cool... like the coolest thing I've ever seen... ever...

anyway that's my five year olds opinion...

mine on the other hand is... if you need to wear something that looks like jeans... then what's wrong with jeans?

Reply
Mom link
9/2/2010 02:08:33 pm

Your awesomeness,

That, indeed is the question. Still, I have to admit, envisioning a five year-old in jeggings put a smile on my face. Shame on me! Shame!

Reply
Ladygoodwood link
9/2/2010 06:15:01 pm

This is so funny and incredibly well written.
I am 5' tall. Whichever incarnation leggings/jeggings have, at 5' tall they are impossible. Basically if I put leggings on and then add leg warmers, it looks like i am wearing a turtle neck sweater on my legs!
Every self-respecting woman over the age of 20 should secrete scissors in her handbag, and when we come across these atrocoties in a clothing store, snip off the legs!

Reply
Mom link
9/2/2010 10:52:30 pm

Ladygood,

What?! Oh, so you're one of those 'losers' I was talking about who isn't 5'10" and 100 lbs. ;) LOVE the imagery of turtle neck sweater legs. Hilarious!

Reply
timethief link
9/5/2010 05:52:39 am

I love the way you express yourself. Your post is very entertaining and I laughed throughout it. Although I do agree that many girls women ought to consider that jeggings may not do good things for their particular body type, I don't rule them out. I wear them and I know I look good in them. :)

I'm 5'6" and aside from the fact that my vertebrae have compacted since I used to be 5' 7", I am slender with an hourglass figure and this has not changed as I have aged.

I wear my leggings and jeggings in either of these two ways:
(1) jeggings and leggings with a waist length top and a long cardigan sweater;
(2) jeggings and leggings with a long top.

Just saying that some of us girls and women do have the kind of figures that look good in leggings and jeggings, and despite the fact I am granny aged I'm one of them. So not all of us have to "Just say no."

Blog on!

Reply
Mom link
9/5/2010 06:02:24 am

timethief,

Looks like you fall into the 11.3% -- I hope you realize how lucky you are! :) Still, I'm glad to hear you're pairing them with long tops/cardigans. Whew!

Reply
superhero costumes uk link
7/29/2011 03:32:33 pm

A history leggings explaining how Jeggings will end in ocular doom for the entire nation.

Reply
Mom link
7/30/2011 12:45:53 pm

That about sums it up, superhero!

Reply



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