Why are they so dang confusing? Add the word ‘friend’ and things really turn into a mess.
As a young woman, I realize the rules of dating can be hard to figure out. With that in mind, I’ve compiled some tips to help you navigate those treacherous waters.
So grab a notebook, sharpen that pencil, and prepare to be enlightened as I give you…
Monopolize his time. As you know, dating is a full-time job. There's no need for him to hang with his guy friends any more. That goes for you and your friends, too. Now, now. Don’t worry. They'll all understand. Not only that, once your relationship is over they’ll be eager to continue your friendship right where it left off. No hard feelings at all. Promise.
Okay, I realize there will be times when the two of you can’t be together. We all need potty breaks, after all. When that occurs, it is important for you to call or text him constantly. Clingy is cool, plus all boyfriends crave a play-by-play of their girlfriend’s activities. Remember: how many eyebrow hairs you've plucked + the number of blank pages left in your science notebook = fascinating!!!
Make sure to use baby talk/kissy noises whenever possible -- the more public the place the better. Boys love to hear it as well as participate, particularly when around their friends. Cute pet names, like Hugmuffin, Snookems, or anything ending in ‘poo’ (Snugglepoo, Pookiepoo, Runnypoo- you get the idea) is best.
While we’re on the topic of his friends, make sure to tell them all of the sweet, romantic things your boyfriend does for you when the two of you are alone. You may think that the tips of his ears are red from embarrassment but, no, it’s pride.
Never forget that dating is a competition. Therefore, it’s important to update your boyfriend on all of the nice things your friends’ boyfriends are doing for them, particularly if it involves money and/or gifts. If you don’t, he might look like a loser. Then you’ll look like a loser and…well, you know where I’m going with this.
Lastly, that whole business about ‘just being yourself?’ As if. For your relationship to be a success, you must pretend to like everything he likes. So keep that channel on ESPN, cheer him on during World of War Craft. It may not be fun but you have a boyfriend and, in the end, that’s all that matters.
Well there you have it – the extent of all my knowledge and wisdom. Yes, I know it makes having a boyfriend seem like a lot of work but, HELLO, it is. Your upgrade in social status makes it worth it. You might even make your friends jealous – bonus!
So here's wishing you luck and happiness. Okay, so maybe not happiness, but luck -- lots and lots of luck. And if you follow my tips, trust me, you’ll need it.