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A belated Valentine's Day message

2/16/2014

16 Comments

 
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I had fully intended on writing a post for Valentine’s Day but missed the boat because I was getting ready for my own gift to my husband this year.  You see, this Valentine's Day I agreed to go skiing with him IN THE UNBELIEVABLE COLD. 

I'v got to say, by the end of the day my feet were frostier than Vladimir Putin’s gaze during the opening ceremony at the Olympics. Actually, it wasn’t that bad* even though, as you know, I have a horrible history with skiing. It's not my favorite activity. These days, though, the hardest part is actually getting all of the kids’ gear together -- a task Rick largely tackles by himself. Why? Because he knows he is already getting over by my agreeing to ski IN THE UNBELIEVABLE COLD.

I've got to say, I’ve been lucky. Rick and I have been together a long time which means I’ve had very few years without a valentine. That’s not to say I haven’t had a few Valentine’s Day duds before I met him. In fact, one of the worst gifts I ever received was on Valentine’s Day. 

Eons ago I had a boyfriend give me a $20 bill…so I could buy the two of us pizza. My gift was I got to keep the change. Woo hoo. Talk about romantic! Surprisingly, my relationship with him didn’t last very long. To my shame, though, it did last through my birthday, which is in May. He'd wised up some, buying me a cute stuffed animal -- an animal which I later set ablaze at a Destroy Your Ex’s Stuff Party.** It was cathartic. Take that pizza boy!

I guess my point is that Valentine’s Day can stink regardless of whether or not you have someone to share it with, so if you didn’t have one this year don’t feel so bad. In fact, you might have gotten off easy.


* The cold wasn't that bad thanks to Cuddle Duds. Maybe it's the romance of Valentine's Day talking, but if I ever meet the inventor of Cuddle Duds I will kiss them full on the mouth, regardless of whether they are a man or a woman. (Don't hold me to that, though I promise to shake their hand.)

**That "setting it ablaze" part is a bold-faced lie designed to make me sound cool. The truth is at the party a little voice inside me kept saying, “What about the children, Janene? Some kid would love that stuffed animal. Don't burn it. Give it to charity!” Which I did instead. Still, I did help take a hammer to a friend’s ex-girlfriend’s TV set. Sure, it was already broken beyond repair, but… Oh man, I ruined the cool factor again. I’m just not good at this. Plus, truth be told, I had a great time skiing but please don’t tell my husband. I’d rather he think he owes me one.


16 Comments

Happy Valentine's Day!

2/14/2013

15 Comments

 
HEY, LOCALS! Come see me at the Barnes & Noble in Northpark Mall this Saturday from 1-3 p.m. I'll be signing books but if you don't want one come anyway. I want to meet you! And for those who are wondering who won the book giveaway, scroll to the bottom of this post.
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Do you have a date for Valentine's Day? I do. It's February 14th. Which is today. Woo hoo! I hope you have a good one. So far, mine hasn't been great. I had wanted to post a sweet photo of my cat wearing a construction paper heart around his face. Similar photos have been floating around the web and thought they were cute.

Now I hate them.

Have you ever tried to stuff a uncooperative's cat's head through a little paper hole then tried to photograph them? Well, Annie Leibovitz I am not. The best photo I could muster was this:

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Grumpy Cat, Moms from Mars edition
So I improvised, deciding to use inanimate objects because the are much easier to pose. The first victim was a silly Howard Dean bobblehead my son found on clearance and purchased as a joke.
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And we're gonna take hearts in South Carolina and Oklahoma and Arizona and North Dakota... YEEEAAHH! (Click the photo for the real thing.)
Then I found a dancing hamster dressed up like an army soldier....
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Don't ask, don't tell.
And, of course, I had to dress up my beloved Thor. The poor guy's been through so much.
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I was going to write something scandalous involving the phrase "Hammertime!" but decided against it.
Anyway, I'm sorry my project was a bust. I hope your Valentine's Day is still awesome. If it's not, don't sweat it. The whole thing's kind of silly, though it does involve chocolate. And chocolate doesn't care if you're attached or single. Huzzah!

As for those of you who are curious as to who won the autographed copies of my book, the winner in the evil clown naming contest is Agit8r. He had me at Beezelbozo. As soon as I read that I knew it was the one. Not only will I be sending him an autographed book, but a bonus, as well. It's another terrible awful gift exchange present. Ain't it beautiful!
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Love the jaunty hat!
As for the other winner, who was picked randomly though her suggestions were mighty fine indeed, it's Helena Fortissima. I'll be contacting both winners via email to make shipping arrangements.

Thanks, again, to all who entered my giveaway. It was fun reading all of the names. Hope you all have a happy Valentine's Day, too.

Ciao for now!

15 Comments
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    Weird Author

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