MOMS are from MARS

(ALTERNATE TITLE: Bigger Things to Worry About than Whether or Not People Will Show Up to My Book Signing on Saturday, August 15th.)

First off, I must say I’ve had a great summer so far. Inspired by Seinfeld’s “Summer of George,” I decided it would be the Summer of Janene. I have made sure to incorporate something fun in each day and I’ve succeeded. However, there have still been a few things that have concerned me...

I'm concerned that my son might be a vampire. I’m guessing he got bitten right after finals in late May. Since school ended he's beenstaying in the basement all day. Sure, that’s where all of his video game systems are but he assures me there is no connection. That leads me to believe he is suddenly "allergic" to sunlight. There’s also the fact that he hasn’t combed his hair or shaved all summer—strong evidence that he can no longer see his reflection in the mirror.  Plus last night I made spaghetti for dinner, which included garlic in the recipe. He "just didn't feel like eating." On a side note, an entire box of Cosmic Brownies is missing from our pantry. Let me know if you see it.

I'm concerned that the most upstanding and honorable literary character in the world is suddenly a racist. Yes, I’m talking about Atticus Finch of To Kill a Mockingbird. Like so many, I LOVE that book and love him, too, which makes me hesitant to read Go Set a Watchman. Word is Atticus is a racist. Atticus. A racist. WHAT?! I have this sneaking suspicion that if Harper Lee were dead, she’d be rolling in her grave. But she’s not dead. She still alive and, sadly, in declining health. She’s vulnerable. For decades she’s vowed never to publish again. I always thought it was because she hated the spotlight and didn’t want to go through the crazy hoopla that To Kill a Mockingbird brought her. Now I wonder if there was more. Maybe she kept the lid on Watchman because she wanted to protect Atticus. Watchman was the first draft of Mockingbird. It was a book which she carefully crafted and re-engineered into the great work we read today.  And Atticus became an icon, someone we admired and loved. I wouldn’t be surprised if Harper Lee loved him, too.  In fact, I can’t help wondering if people had been badgering her for years to publish Watchman, to which she kept saying “no.”  Then finally, in her deteriorated state, she finally replied, “I like pudding!” and they construed that as a “yes.” It’s that thought that makes me leery of reading Go Set a Watchman. I don’t want how I feel about Atticus to change. I’m also not sure if Harper Lee would want how I feel to change either.

I'm concerned because I need to buy milk for my family but the kind I buy is right underneath the "k." With my luck, it'll commit suicide right as I reach for the 1%. 

I’m concerned that I've reached level 500 in Candy Crush Saga. At first I was thrilled, then I did the math and was horrified. If I’d used the time more wisely, I might have cured cancer or solved world hunger. Okay, maybe not. But I bet my medicine cabinet would no longer be filled with expired Children’s Tylenol and old diaper rash cream circa 2004. Oh, who am I kidding? It still would but I might have been able to binge watch House of Cards without anyone the wiser.

And finally…I’m concerned that no one will go to my book signing this Saturday, August 15th. Cross your fingers for me that people will show up at the Davenport Barnes & Noble from 1-3 PM. That's when me and my critique partner/author extraordinaire, Leslie Langtry, will be signing books. I hope I don't look like a fool. I’ll be signing books from my Light vs. Dark series while Leslie signs books from her hilarious Merry Wrath series. You know... you could help me by dropping by if you can. I’d love to see you, plus I’m sure I’ll have more concerns to share by then. If you can't, send me a hug. I'm going to need it. You could also go to the store and get me some milk. The kids will need it come breakfast time.

I know, I know. It’s been a long time since my last blog post and for that I am sorry. Since then, there have nine full moons, eight federal holidays and at least three musical attempts to bring bootie back.

So why so long? Well, a couple reasons. First off, I started working as a substitute teacher, something I'm absolutely loving. So far it’s been a success, thanks to the all of the advice I’ve been given. I always wear comfy shoes. I try to be firm but kind and, when erasing the whiteboard, use vertical strokes instead of horizontal so my butt doesn’t wiggle. I also stamped my pencils the same way my mom used to when she taught high school and am pleased to say I’ve lost only one so far.

But let’s get to the other reason I've been away so long. You see, I promised myself I wouldn’t blog again until I finished my latest book. And now I have. It’s the sequel to Extraordinary, making it book 2 in my young adult series Light vs. Dark. It’s called Enlightened: Light vs. Dark.

In Enlightened, Alina doesn't just face trouble with The Dark but with her "allies" at The Light's High Command. If you want to read more about it, click here for a blurb, sample chapters, and links to all the wonderful places you can buy it. When you’re done, if you want a chance to win a signed copy of the book plus a $25 Amazon gift card, read on...

To enter, here's what you have to do:

Leave a comment below so I’ll have your email address. (NOTE: Your address won’t be seen by anyone but me and I won’t keep it, sell it, put it on a list or anything else like that. Pinky swear.) And that's it. That is, unless you want to up your chances. If you do, please read on....

To triple your chances of winning, also "like" my brand-spankin' new Facebook  author page then share this post with your "friends." To get to it, just click here. I'll throw in another chance if you share this post on Twitter and other social media sites. But don't go crazy. That will just annoy people and I don't want you to lose any friends.

Entries will be accepted until Tuesday, May 12th . I'll announce the winner after that.

But  don't stop reading yet. There's more! To celebrate Enlightened’s release I’m selling the Extraordinary ebook for only 99 cents. It’s just for a little while so, if you haven’t read it yet now is the time. Keep in mind, I’m only doing this out of the goodness in my heart. Luring people into reading it so they'll get hooked and buy Enlightened is the furthest thing from my mind. ;)

So there you have it! I'm sorry I've been gone so long but, hopefully, this helps make up for it. I can't promise I'll be back blogging all the time, but I can promise I'll be writing..and teaching...and a ton of other stuff.

I know what you're thinking. Janene was on such a roll with her Ireland posts and then...nothing. What happened? Is she sick? Was she in some sort of accident? I'm happy to say neither is true. The fact is I got busy and, frankly, a little overwhelmed with all the Irish information I still had to sift through. For those who care, don't worry. I'll get back to them after this post. A promise is a promise. Still, I felt guilty about my waning motivation and lack of effort when it came to writing those posts. That is, until I went card shopping and found this little gem:

IT IS?

Imagine my excitement -- my vindication! I had no idea good enough was the new fabulous. Or maybe I did. I mean, every kid gets participation medals these days. Everyone is special, right?  

Or is that statement already behind the curve? There's been a lot of talk lately on how no one is special, including you. Well, guess what. I'm here to say the talk is right. You're not special. But I'm also here to tell you that it's okay.

Believe it or not, you can be a great person and be average at the same time. In fact, most people are. That's how statistics work. Being average is...average. It's not a "fabulous" thing to be, but that's just fine. In fact, not being fabulous has its advantages. People don't expect awesomeness from you all the time. Or maybe they do. Maybe you do. Maybe you've pushed yourself, or been pushed to think nothing outside of brilliance is acceptable. Ugh. If that's the case, all i can say is I'm not a fountain of brilliance and I'm doing okay. In fact, I'm doing well.   

Now I'm not telling you to give up your dreams or reach for the stars. I'm not saying you aren't special "in your own way." You're just not special in a "you're so unique and wonderful that you deserve more than other people" kind of way. People rarely are. Though, who knows? You might just end up being one of those super special people who can play an oboe with their nose and win America's Got Talent. 

If you're not, though, all I'm say is you're not only going to be okay, you'll be in good company, too. It's okay not to be special. Good enough might not be fabulous but it is good enough.

But I digress. I had no intention of writing a philosophical post. My main goal was to make fun of that card. So allow me to present a few ideas on what people might choose to write inside of it.

To your son...

To your daughter...

To your mom...

The possibilities are endless. If you have any ideas on what you could say, post them below. If you don't, though, that's okay. Not everyone is good at that sort of thing. I still like you just the way you are. You're good enough for me. :)

Welcome to Day 5 of my Irish adventure when we visited the Bunratty Castle and Folk Park in County Clare, Ireland. We spent a long time there, so that's the majority of this post, though later on we did get "durty." Plus you can always stick around afterwards to read about the interesting observations I made while shopping. 

Before I start all this, though, I should warn you the walkways around Bunratty castle might be "slippy." If that word doesn't win the cutest Irish colloquialism award, I don't know what does.

Bunratty Castle and Folk Park

Bunratty Castle and Folk Park is a living museum with over 30 reconstructed buildings from over a century ago. There are many houses, a church, a mill, an animal farm, as well as a village street with fun old-timey shops. The park reminded me of Williamsburg, Virginia in its intent. Kind of a step back into the past, Irish style. All the kids said this was their favorite stop on our trip. You'll soon see why.

The main attraction is Bunratty Castle, the last of four castles to be built on the site. Finished in 1425, this three-floored structure was an important stronghold of the O’Briens, a powerful clan in Munster, and later Earls of Thomond, during the 16th and 17th centuries. It’s furnished mainly with things from the 15th and 16th century to reflect the style and period of the Great Earl. Here are some photos for you to check out.

You might have noticed from the pictures that the Main Guard is now filled with tables. It wasn't back then. The tables are for medieval banquets held nightly. (Reservations are recommended. Book now!) Back in the day it was where soldiers protecting the castle slept and entertained themselves. Located on the first floor, it's the first room that greets you when you visit...or when you attack. The docent pointed out a line along the floor which divided the room in half. Officers slept on one side with soldiers on the other. One side had a fireplace. Guess which side the officers slept on? :)

But the castle is only one small part of the Bunratty experience. We had a great time exploring this 26-acre park. So with no further ado, may I present another slide show featuring other things we saw.

Plus there was a donkey. A cute donkey hanging out in a field. Summoning my inner Annie Leibovitz, I spent at least ten minutes trying to get a perfect shot. And I did -- at least I thought. I mean, come on. This looks pretty good, right? 

Then I later scroll through some photos my sister, Heather, took that day and I see this:

I had clearly been out-Annied. How cute is that?

After we'd had the full Bunratty experience, we strolled over to Durty Nelly's, one of Ireland's oldest and most famous pubs. It has a history that dates back to 1620, and a tasty beef and Guiness stew to boot. To mark the occasion, we wrote our name on a one dollar bill and had our server staple it to one of ceiling beams.

After that, we drove on to the next town we stayed at: Ennis, also located in County Clare. It's quite charming with a variety of shops that closed soon after we arrived at our hotel. Sob! No worries, though. A Dunnes was nearby and they stay open late but I'll tell you more on that...well, now.

Shopping

While we were in Ireland we did a bit of shopping, both the touristy kind and the oh-my-god-food-is-so-expensive-where-is-a-grocery-store kind, too. I'm going to focus on the every day kind of shopping because we all know what a tourist shop looks like. As for an every day stores, that's more interesting -- which is why I have absolutely no photos of any I entered.

Well, that's not exactly true. While we were in Dunnes (like a Super Target but with more of a department store feel), my son spotted a photo booth fail. I took a picture. You can see a sliver of what the store looks like on the left.

Dunnes was our go-to place for groceries and other essentials. It had a nice feel and was open after regular business hours. Unlike in the States, most shops close around 5 p.m. so their owners can have a life.

Now for some reason, my younger son really wanted to visit Tesco, the Wal-Mart of Ireland. He said he'd seen so many videos where Tesco was mentioned, he'd feel he wouldn't get the full Irish experience if he left without seeing one. So Rick took him. He said, though it looked different than the Wal-Marts at home, it had the same underlying feeling of human despair. 

I also shopped at Spar, which is grocery store chain.I loved the cereal aisle, with all it's "different" cereals, like "Frosties" (Frosted Flakes), "Mini Max" (Mini Wheats), and "Cocoa Pops" (Cocoa Puffs). 

At the end of this post, I've got a slide show with other grocery products that interested me -- some from Spar and some from other places.

Coca Cola's "Share a Coke" campaign was in full swing, prompting people to share a Coke with a friend. In the stores we saw bottles with tons of names -- proper and otherwise. We looked for a bottle with a distinctly Irish name. I think we found one:

We also noticed the candy offered in the stores was smaller than those found in the States. Perhaps that is one of the reasons we are so dang fat. In the picture below, the top bag of Skittles is from the States. The lower one is from Ireland. Strangely, though, there are only a few less Skittles in the Irish bag.I guess it's all about packaging. Still, the Irish Skittles were twice as expensive, in part due to our not-so-great exchange rate.

In Ireland, getting something with your magazine is all the rage so many of them are sold in bags. With this month's copy of Cosmopolitan, readers got sunglasses and a pack of Mentos. Yee-ha!

Though this didn't happen often, I did find some of the store names to be rather odd -- like this junior women's clothing store I found in a mall.  The name kind of made me giggle.

And ala T.K. Maxx, may I present Eddie Rocket's. Perhaps he's Johnny Rocket's younger brother?

Still, I must admit the strangest thing I saw was on the ferry coming home from the Aran Islands (a story I will tell later.) Among the things they sold at the bar, they was Guiness, Bulmer's, and America's finest beer...

Coors Light?  Something is seriously wrong...

And that's shopping in Ireland -- at least the shopping I did. If you've got time, here are a few more products I found interesting. If you don't, I'll catch you later with Day 6. See you soon!

Welcome to Day 4 of my family trip to Ireland. For those of you just tuning in, I have hijacked my normal hijinks to bring you grand tales from across the ocean. Today you'll hear about the Ring of Kerry, Muckross House & Gardens, more on Dingle, and a little bit about the animals of Ireland, and I'm going to start now.

Day 4:

The Ring of Kerry

We started our day driving along the Ring of Kerry, which meant it wasn’t an easy day for our driver, Martin. Remember what I said about the roads in Ireland? Yep, it was crazy.

I decided to ride shot gun. Call me a masochist, I guess. Though I didn’t have it as bad as some of the folks on the road. We were in a bus, which made passing us all the more daunting to smaller vehicles like the red car below. This photo was snapped right off a curve at a particularly hairy part of the road.

What you can’t see is the face of the woman sitting in the passenger seat of that car, but I can tell you it looked just like this:

Why are people willing to risk life and limb on the road? I'll show you some reasons now. I know seeing photos on a blog isn't the same as the real thing, but at least you can see the Ring of Kerry without the threat of a car crash (unless your reading this post while driving. If you're doing that, stop!)

We ended the Ring of Kerry with a visit to Muckross House & Gardens, near the beautiful Killarney National park. To no one’s surprise, it’s gorgeous. I mean, come on. Get a load of this:

Plus this nineteenth century mansion sits right on Muckross Lake, which means people living in the house got to see this everyday:

Not bad digs, huh? I'd take that over living in a van down by the river any day.

The house was built for Henry Arthur Herbert – an Irish land owner and member of the Parliament of the United Kingdom. -- and his wife, painter Mary Balfour Herbert. It was the fourth house built at Muckross for successive generations of the Herberts who’d held the land for close to two hundred years. It took four years to build and was completed in 1843.

Now I could go on about the rooms – the beautiful furniture, the stunning views, that incredible lake – but I won’t, primarily due to the fact I couldn't take any photos. But I do have an interesting story about Queen Victoria’s visit to the place in 1861. 

The Herbert family found out about the queen’s impending visit five years beforehand. Thank goodness, because there were a lot of elaborate preparations that had to be carried out. As it says on the Muckross website, “Tapestries, mirrors, Persian carpets, silverware, musical instruments, linen, china and servants uniforms, are all said to have been specially commissioned for the occasion. The curtains, which still hang in the Dining Room of Muckross House, were specially woven, probably in Paris, for the occasion.” 

She was given three rooms – all downstairs because she was deathly afraid of a fire breaking out so she had to stay on the ground floor. Get a load of this description found in the Kerry Evening Post's August 28th, 1891 issue:

“An entire section of the mansion has been set apart for the royal family, so that all their apartments communicate without the necessity of passing into the corridors to be used by other occupants of the house. The Queen will live here in privacy, and from the windows of her rooms she can walk into delightful grounds, which will be kept private during her stay at Muckross.”

Well, la tee dah.

The kicker: This was all for a two-day stay. You heard me -- two frickin' days -- but these types of trips were common, with a king or queen’s visit often draining the host family’s finances. To say thank you, Queen Victoria did give Mrs. Herbert and her two daughters beautiful bracelets, which kind of sort of makes up for all the money and time they had to spend preparing for her visit.

Only it doesn't. 

And, oh, by the way, under Henry Arthur Herbert's reign, the Muckross estate’s finances declined until it became insolvent in 1897. A year later, the family forfeited the estate. Go figure.

When we were finished we drove back to Dingle, where most of had dinner then hiked around. But not my husband, Rick, and our son, Joe, who is crazy about Dolphins. And Dingle has a dolphin. His name is Fungi and he’s lived in Dingle Bay since 1983. 

When we were researching our trip Joe said, "I don't care what we do as long as I see that dolphin." So as soon as we got home, the two of them got on a boat ride in search of Fungie. And they found him. And Fungi acted like a rock star -- swimming along the boat, jumping around, etc. Mission fulfilled. 

I, on the other hand, had an awesome dinner with the rest of the family. Afterwards, I hiked along the Dingle Bay shoreline with my mom and dad. The path went right through a field of cows. Then I bounced ahead, my eyes fixated on some ruins I had to investigate. Pretty gorgeous, huh?

And that was Day 4. Leave now, or continue reading if you're interested in reading a few interesting facts about the animals of Ireland.

The Animals of Ireland

Okay, though the first creature I’m about to talk about isn’t really an animal, I thought you’d find it interesting to know that in Ireland there are no mosquitoes. You heard me. Zip. Zero. Nada. They do have gnats that can get in your face, as well as bees, wasps and little ants that bite. I saw none of those but Martin assured us they exist. As for animals, the most dangerous one in Ireland is the fox. They used to have bears but they died out long ago. They don’t even have wolves. The greatest chance you have of getting hurt by an animal is if you approach a guard dog the wrong way.

They do have deer who, like those in America, will do that crazy “jump out in front of your car” thing along the road. Luckily, you’re much more likely to come across sheep. Unlike deer, they will not jump out in front of you unless they’ve just given birth, in which case their behavior becomes a little erratic. Now just because a sheep won’t jump out at you doesn’t mean they won’t use the road. On more than one occasion, we had to wait for sheep to cross the road before we could move on though, happily or sadly, we didn’t have to wait long. (I said “sadly” because I was desperately hoping to have one of those experiences where I could tell my friends while shaking my head in mock weariness, “Yep! It was just like the movies. The sheep took forever to move!”) But I did see some long enough to get a few good pics. Here are a couple:

Side note: If you approach sheep that are casually hanging out in, say, a small meadow by a lake, they will bolt. Don't ask me how I know. I just do.

By the way, did you notice the painted marks on the sheep? Painting sheep is one of the ways that farmers mark their ownership. Different farms have different colors or marks. But paint is used another way, too, and it's a little more embarrassing to explain, but I'll try to do it as best I can. Ewes that that have been mounted are painted a certain color so farmers know if they’ve been mated or not. After a few weeks, ewes they are re-mated for some reason are painted with a second, different color. That way farmers know which ewes will give birth later in the year. 

And that all she wrote (or I wrote) for this post. I'll be back soon with Day 5. I hope you're enjoying reading as much as I'm enjoying writing this. If not, come back in a couple of weeks. Just sayin'. :)

Bye!

Welcome to Day 3 of my Irish adventure! Yesterday, I covered the Rock of Cashel, Kilkenny Castle, and talked a little about Ireland’s Language and Lingo. Today, I’ll share my experiences at Blarney Castle, the town of Dingle, and report my observations on Irish food.


Day 3:

Blarney Castle

We started our day at Blarney Castle in Cork, which was built almost six hundred years ago by one of Ireland’s greatest chieftans, Cormac MacCarthy. The castle is cool to look at from the outside, pretty ruinous from the inside, and is known throughout the world for its Blarney Stone.

There are things to explore other than the castle, like a poison garden, caves and pretty grounds to walk around in. But the Blarney Stone is the main reason people come. Why?  I can tell you from experience, it certainly isn’t something to look at – which I did as I hung down, my hair dangling as I kissed it while a man held me by the torso.The stone looks like…a stone. But its story is cool – or should I say stories.  The Blarney stone has many, though I don’t know which ones are true. Here are a few:

• It’s Jacob’s pillow, brought to Ireland by the prophet Jeremiah. In Ireland it became the Lia Fáil, the Fatal Stone, used as an oracular throne of Irish kings. It later moved to Scotland, where it served as the prophetic power of royal succession and was called the Stone of Destiny. 
• Or it’s a block of bluestone, the same rock used at Stonehenge. It’s half of the original Stone of Scone upon with the first King of Scotts was seated during his coronation. Robert the Bruce, King of Scots presented half of it to Cormac MacCarthy in 1314 as a gift to the Irish for supporting the Scots in the Battle of Bannockburn.
• When Cormac Laidir MacCarthy – the builder of the castle -- was involved in a lawsuit, he appealed to the Goddess Clíodhna for help. She told him to kiss the first stone he found that morning on the way to court. He did, then proceeded to plead his case with great eloquence of tongue. He won. MacCarthy then incorporated the stone into the castle’s parapet.
• Later on, during Queen Elizabeth 1’s reign, she commanded the Earl of Leicester to take possession of the castle, but whenever the Earl tried to negotiate the matter with then owner, Cormac Teige MacCarthy, MacCarthy always suggested a banquet or some other form of delay. When the queen asked for a progress report, the earl sent a long missive saying the castle remained untaken. She got so irritated that she said the report was all “blarney.”

What’s true? What’s not? I don’t know. What I do know is kissing the Blarney Stone is supposed to give you the gift of eloquent speech and the ability to deceive without offending. For a better idea of exactly what that means, they posted a sign at the castle to explain. It says, 

“The difference between ‘blarney’ and ‘baloney’ is this: Baloney is when you tell a 50-year old woman that she looks 18. Blarney is when you ask a woman how old she is, because you want to know at what age women are most beautiful.”

Not bad skill to have, which is why people are willing to dangle downward from a ledge 85 feet from the ground. (Don’t worry. It sounds scarier than it is.) 

Blarney Castle remained the MacCarthy family stronghold until Oliver Cromwell arrived with cannon guns in 1646. He blasted the castle, just as he had done to Kilkenny Castle. (Spoiler alert: Cromwell destroyed much of Ireland. I mean, the guy was brutal.) 

The rest of the day was spent driving to Dingle, where we had to put up with scenery like this:

It was awful. :) Dingle, itself, was quite lovely, too. In fact, it might just be the loveliest town we stayed in. It's a quiet, colorful village on Dingle Bay just off the sea with a number of fun shops to explore. Heaven! I loved many of the shops along the main strip, Including this one:

And this one:

And, of course, we ate here:

Seriously, if you want to see an Irishman roll his eyes just say, "I'm from the States looking for long lost relatives. Do you know anyone with the last name 'Murphy'?" It's the most common surname in the Republic of Ireland, followed by O'Connor, Kelly, O'Brien, Ryan, Walsh, Byrne, O'Sullivan, McCarthy, and O'Neill. 

The only thing that annoyed me about Dingle was my boys constantly asking where they could go to pick berries. I must have been missing something because, as far as I could tell, there weren't any berry farms nearby.

Anyway, I'll have a  more on Dingle in my next post but you will have to wait. Until then, it's ciao for now unless you want to stick around for another one of my cultural observations:

Irish Food

Truth be told, Ireland isn’t known for their food. I back that up. Still, there are some dishes that I found appealing. The stews -- beef and Guiness, as well as "Irish" (lamb, carrots and potatoes) – are pretty good, and my folks couldn't get enough of the mussels so I'm guessing they're pretty tasty, as well.

In an earlier post, I mentioned one of the classic Irish dishes is bacon and cabbage. Perhaps you thought that was a mistake. I meant corned beef and cabbage, right? Nope. Corned beef and cabbage is an American thing. Bacon and cabbage is Irish through and through. Keep in mind, bacon is different in Ireland. It’s still from pork, but thicker – much more akin to Canadian bacon. When the Irish came to America, they used beef as a replacement because pork was prohibitively expensive. Still, they cured or corned the beef much the same way as they did with pork in the old country.

As for potatoes, their association with Ireland is well-deserved. It’s hard to order a dish without them. At one restaurant, my husband ordered lasagna. The server asked if he wanted mashed potatoes or chips (fries) as his side dish. The upside: the potatoes are really good. So is anything dairy. The cheeses? Love them. The ice cream? Oh. My. God. If you go there you have to their whipped soft serve ice cream cones, called Irish 99s. They are highly addictive. I seriously had one every day. Here's a close up of one my father had stylishly adorned with chocolate syrup:  

One breakfast staple that sounds yummy but is, in truth, absolutely disgusting is black pudding. It looks like a cute little brown mini muffin. It's not. It’s a combination of pig’s blood, meat, fat, oatmeal, and milk. (Insert shudder here.) I did try it and, frankly, it wasn’t so bad. Of course, I had no idea what it was until after I took a bite. Then Martin told me and, though I acted all nonchalant on the outside, I cried like a baby on the inside. 

Luckily for my kids, the universal kids’ foods of chicken nuggets, hamburgers and pasta could be found everywhere. And the nuggets were actually made from 100% chicken, unlike whatever they’re made of in America. (Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.)

Now with food, you often find condiments. In Ireland, the award for most used and served condiment goes to mayonnaise. It’s everywhere. Ketchup on fries? Oh no. Mayonnaise. They also like salt and vinegar, though ketchup and mustard are available, too, much to my kids relief. One evening I mistakenly ordered a Caesar salad. It’s not the same as in the States. Instead of smothering in in dressing they smothered it in – you guessed it – mayonnaise.

And, by the way, if you love soft drinks you’ll find Coke, Sprite, and Fanta a plenty. (Sorry, no root beer there.) But you're going to pay. At restaurants, a ridiculously small glass of pop will cost you 2.5-3 Euros, or about four dollars. Free refills? Not a chance. 

But let’s be honest. If you’re an adult visiting Ireland you should really have its best known beverage, a Guinness beer. That is, unless you’re like me. (I'm not a beer fan.) If that's the case try a Bulmer's, a carbonated hard cider that can be found in most every pub.


And as a side note, we checked and the food at McDonald's and Burger King tastes just like the stuff in the States, only way more expensive.

So that’s the food, folks. Well, part of it. Later on I'll take you inside an Irish food store. But right now I'm going to say goodbye.

Welcome to the second installment of my recent trip to Ireland. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click here to read my first post. Otherwise, read on for Day 2’s adventures covering the Rock of Cashel and Kilkenny Castle. Afterwards, if you want, continue on to my personal observations on the ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Irish Language and Lingo. 

As I said in the first installment, I want to remember everything so these posts are going to be long. So don't feel bad if you just want to view the photos. If you want to learn some cool facts, though, read on...

DAY 2:

The Rock of Cashel

The Rock of Cashel in Tipperary is composed of medieval buildings set atop a limestone outcrop in the Golden Vale. The kings of Munster sat there until the Norman invasion then, in 1101, the current king donated his fortress to the church. The site was chosen due to its foreboding weather – high winds, lots of rain, etc. -- which is why it was sunny and warm on the day we visited. Buildings include a 15th century castle, 13th century cathedral, 12th century round tower, High Cross and Romanesque Chapel – all in ruins – and a restored Hall of the Vicars Choral. Here are some photos I snapped just for you:

I’ve got to say, though, if you go you really have to take the tour. If you don't  you’ll miss out on a lot of information, like these tidbits below…

The castle is where the arch bishop lived and it was very much a fortress. It had double walls with passages in between so the Arch Bishop could run to safety should the castle be attacked. The spiral staircases went clockwise going up so that attackers, who were normally right-handed, when swiping their swords would hit the stone walls while the defenders going down could swing freely. Many attackers knew this, so they’d send their left-handed swordsmen first. Yay for them? There were also breaks in the walls called “murdering holes” which allowed defenders to pour boiling oil or water on the attackers below. 

As for the chapel, there are stone faces everywhere. Some a scary, meant to scare evil forces away. Others were placed there to commemorate the people of the world which the church served. But in the mix there would always be a face with the likeness of the stone masons that built the structure. It was the way they left their mark.

The Hall of the Vicars Choral is where the church’s choir lived and is the one building that has been restored. It has a beautiful tapestry of King Solomon and the Queen of Sheba that is strangely flawed. I showed it to you above, in the slidewho. What you probably didn't notice is the following: 

These things were done on purpose. Artists worked on the notion that the only one who can create perfect things is God. So they made "mistakes." Another cool story revolves around this wooden thing above the fireplace:

That’s the choral's crest. Small ones were also made for the choral members. so they could use it as a sort of credit card when they went into local shops. They’d flash the crest, get what they need, then the owner of the store would bill the church. It worked well for a while. Then the church noticed that the choir was spending a lot more money than they should have. Why? Because some of them had made copies of the crest for their extended families. Yep. The first case of credit card fraud took place hundreds of years ago.

A lot more was learned but I don’t want to steal all of the docent’s thunder, plus it will give you incentive to go there. Instead I’m going to move on to the next place we’ll move on to the next place, Kilkenny Castle, a place I may have purposely lead you to mistakenly believe to be one of South Park  fans’ favorite locations.

Kilkenny Castle

Kilkenny Castle sits on the River Nore. The original castle was built for William Marshal, 4th Earl of Pembroke in 1195. Many additionas and alterations were made to it over the years. In 1391, James Butler, 3rd Earl of Ormond, purchased it and it stayed in the Butler family for nearly 600 years.

The castle has three wings, as shown in Exhibit A: 

It wasn’t always that way. It used to have four, forming a square. Then Oliver Cromwell came in 1650 as part of his conquest of Ireland. The east wall and northeast tower were badly damaged and later torn down. In 1661, the Butler family remodeled the castle, eliminating what was left of the fourth wall. 

Fun fact: You know Julian Fellowes, the writer/creator of Downton Abbey? His great aunt lived in Kilkenny Castle. Her name was Sybil Inna Mildred Fellowes. Ring a bell? She married James George Anson Butler in 1915 and they lived there for a good, long time. 

Later on, in 1967, the then owner, Arthur Butler sold the castle -- which had deteriorated greatly -- to the people of Kilkenny for 50 pounds. (Side note to Chicago peeps: He moved to Oak Brook, Illinois. The Butler family made their mark there, owning polo fields, the Butler National Golf Club – if you see the name “Butler” on anything in Chicagoland, it probably stems from this family.)

Now the castle is back to its former glory, filled with furnishings and artwork – some original to the castle, some not. One thing that caught my attention near a fireplace was something called a fire screen. I wasn’t allowed to take pictures inside the castle (boo hoo) but I loved the thing so much I'm going to tell you about it anyway.

Have you ever heard of someone “saving face?” Well, that's what the thing above did. Back in the 18th century, pale faces were all the fashion. White makeup was used to achieve the look and it was made of lead and wax. Heat wasn’t the makeup's friend, so when women sat by fireplaces they’d use this screen, raising or lowering the rectangular part along the rod so their faces wouldn't feel the heat of the fire and, subsequently, melt away. It saved their faces.

But that's enough history for today. After we visited the castle we explored the town of Kilkenny, as we had the night before. It was one of my favorite places to stay...and not just because I'm a Simon Pegg fan. I mean, who wouldn't love a town that had a pub called this?

And who wouldn't love a town that has a wonderful sweet shop where you can get Doctor Who's favorite candy, jelly babies?

(Side note: At the very same sweet shop I found a box of Lucky Charms cereal imported from the United States. I almost bought it for our guide, Martin, until I saw the price tag: 10 Euros -- almost 14 bucks!)

The town also had a cool mall with awesome shopping. It even had one of my favorite stores from back home. Take a look:

Wait a second....what? T. K. Maxx? Next thing you know, they'll have J.G. Penney's.

Anyway, that was Day 2. You can exit here or stick around for another Irish cultural observation. Today’s topic: Irish Language and Lingo.

In Ireland, almost everyone speaks English. Still, there are a few that don’t. They speak Irish – what we call Gaelic -- instead. It’s Ireland’s original language and a while back, it looked like it might die out. Then there was a cultural re-awakening and the Irish government decided to teach it in the schools. It's also on every government sign – whether it’s a road sign or some sort of directions or explanation. Here's an example:

I checked Ireland’s 2011 census. In it, 41% of respondents said they could speak the native tongue. Thanks to the educational system, two-thirds of people aged 10-19 said they spoke it. Still, Of the 1.77 million people who said they spoke the language, only 77,185 said they speak it daily outside the education system.  Most of them live in the northwest. Martin, our guide taught us to say a few things. If you want to say, “How are you?” you say (I’m using phonetics, people) “Kay kee will too?”

As for those who speak English, they speak it with a super cool accent not unlike what you hear in movies. Only they don't use the sound th. Instead, they just use a "t". If a bunch of Irishmen think they’ll throw away their toothpaste, they “tink tey’ll trow away teir tootpaste.” This is just an example, though. I can’t imagine they’d actually throw away their toothpaste. Gingivitis is no one’s friend.

When it comes to favorite Irish words, I noticed many things are “lovely” and “grand.” If someone’s really tired, they’re “wrecked.” The world “crack” (spelled craic over there) means fun. Like if you had a great time last night, you’d say, “We had great crack at the pub last night.” (Word of caution: Don't use this phrase in the States. It might result in an intervention followed by rehab, and that would be “mental,” the word Irish folk like to use for "crazy.")

Like the English, sweaters are “jumpers” and elevators are “lifts.” French fries are “chips” and chips are knows as “crisps.” “To go” cups are “take away” cups, instead. Older shop-keeping women called me "love," particularly after I bought something expensive from them.

Anyway, I’m sure there are many more words and phrases I missed, but those I did hear made me smile.

You may wonder why you haven’t heard from me in a while. Here’s my answer: I’ve been in Ireland with my side of the family. My mom and dad took us there to celebrate some big birthdays of theirs that are coming up as well as their impending 50th wedding anniversary.

All I can say is, man, what a grand adventure we had! That's why I’ve decided to break away from my standard blog fare and share the whole thing with you. Over the next few weeks I will post a series of reports detailing our journey full of facts, experiences and little Irish tidbits I learned along the way. I’ll be honest, this is just as much about me as it is about you. I want to write down as much as I can so I don’t forget anything. The posts may be long, so if a topic or place doesn’t interest you don’t feel bad if you just choose to skim and view the pictures -- and, boy, do I have pictures. Still, I'm warning you, there’s sure to be a lot of gratuitous historical content so if you’re more interested in my crazy mom stuff come back later and I'll try not to disappoint. However, if it is later and you’re only here because you googled “trip to Ireland,” I strongly suggest you don’t read any other posts on this blog. Why? Because the woman who writes them is a total nut job. Take it from me.

Now before I start, I must say there was one big thing that stunk about our trip. My beautiful niece broke her femur at the last minute and couldn’t go. My brother-in-law also stayed behind to play nurse. Our merry band of thirteen got knocked down to eleven, a sad situation if there ever was. But as the Irish say, “It ‘tis what it ‘tis” and as my father said, “The trip is paid for.” So the rest of us hopped onto the jet and -- sorry Megan and Dave -- managed to have the trip of a life time.

DAY 1:

We arrived at Dublin airport and met our driver/tour guide, Martin, a cool dude about my age from the coast of Connemara. As soon as we took off on the bus, we hit him hard with burning questions enquiring minds needed to know: 

• What are the most popular souvenirs people buy in Ireland? (Aran sweaters, Celtic jewelry, and Claddagh rings) 
  
• What are some classic Irish foods? (bacon and cabbage, Irish stew)
  
• Has he heard of Lucky Charms cereal and, if so, is he offended by its characterization and exploitation of Ireland’s leprechauns? (Never heard of it and doesn’t think he needs to.) 
  

When it came to questions, we had a lot, which is why each post will end with an “Irish Culture” section that discusses interesting things we learned about Ireland and the Irish people..

But now it’s about the journey. Our trek began by driving south to County Wicklow, the area where the Irish TV series Ballykissangel was and Moone Boy are shot. We stopped at Powerscourt House and Gardens and, man alive, was it gorgeous. Let me tell you a about it.

The house was originally a 13th-century castle that many Irish families battled to possess. That is, until 1603. That's when Richard Wingfield visited Queen Elizabeth after he’d racked up some military achievements for the crown. She asked him what he wanted as a reward. He said the scarf she was wearing was sufficient. So she gave it to him...and then tossed in the castle as well as the 47 acres surrounding it. His family stayed there for over 350 years, improving and enlarging the castle and creating beautiful gardens. Here are some photos:

There are also statues everywhere, including this one who clearly felt he’d been short-changed when God created him. My brother dubbed him “Wee Willy Winkie.” Sad to say, I think it fits.

After Powerscourt, we went to Glendalough Monastic Site where St. Kevin, a 6th century hermit priest, established a monastery and place of learning. The world "glendalough" comes from the Irish "gleann de locha" meaning "the Glen of Two Lakes." Known as the City of Seven Churches, Glendalough was encircled by a wall, long since gone. But the gateway arches remain. Below is photo I took of them from the inside going out. People passed through the arches then walked past a cross carved into a large stone, at which point they were considered to be on holy ground and were given sanctuary.

Not that pillagers cared. Over the years, the site had grown into a thriving and prosperous settlement -- so prosperous that it was attacked 19 times by people wanting to steal its wealth. Many were Vikings, who also stole their trees so they could make boats. Eventually, the site was abandoned and left to ruin but, my, how beautiful the ruins are. 


Here are some photos:

It also sits on a beautiful lake. Our crew decided to take a stroll around it. We made sure to stick to the trail because the property around the lake was owned by a farmer with sheep. And when it came to his sheep, the farmer meant business, as you can see by this sign we encountered along the way.

After we experienced Glendalough, we took a beautiful drive through County Wicklow. Did you know Ireland has mountains? They're everywhere! We ended in Kilkenny, a town I suspect might be a favorite of South Park fans. Just sayin.' :)

That night we ate at Kyteler’s,  a great family-friendly place with reasonably priced and tasty food, incredible atmosphere and (at least on the night we were there) a hilarious musician who gave volunteers a lesson on playing an Irish instrument called the badhron, much to everyone else’s delight.

And that was our first day. Read on if you’re interested one of my Irish cultural observations. The first topic: 

Ireland’s Roads and Driving

If you ever want to experience abject terror on the road, Ireland is for you. To call the roads narrow is to call Einstein kind of smart. I’m talking narrower than a Westboro Baptist’s mind. Get a load of this: 

That’s a tour bus casually crossing paths with our own wide-butt bus. When it passed, I could have reached out and plucked the other driver’s eyebrows. But don’t think you’re safe if you sit on the other side of the bus because it looks like this:

And did you notice they drive on the left hand side of the road instead of right? That only adds to the horror. Not all tourists remember to do it. Luckily, there are a few two-lane roads here and there to keep heart attacks at bay. Desperately few.

On that note, I learned that Irish folk also walk on the left-hand side of trails and sidewalks instead of the right. It’s one of those things you don’t really think about but, when you do, it makes sense. It also makes it a little crazy. There are a lot of tourist who, like us, walk on the right. There are a lot of Irishmen who are used to these tourists. So when someone is approaching you head on, it’s hard to know if you should veer left or right. In deference to the Irish, I usually moved left…and ran into people.

Since we’re on the topic of roads, I thought I’d mention gasoline – which is a fortune by the way. That price on the right is in liters, people. And I thought it was interesting that all the gas stations I saw had different names – none were the same -- at least on the smaller roads. My favorite station name is Emo. We were going to stop for there for gas but decided to pass because we'd heard the workers there were moody. :)

And that's our first day. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll be back soon with Day 2 of our Irish adventure!