First, the set up:
A few weeks ago I used the word ‘slutty’ in a post on Dating Older Guys. I chose the word with some trepidation, not because your delicate teenaged ears couldn’t handle it, but because of the fancy schmancy adult content filters some poor teens have on their computers. Heaven forbid they’re denied access to my infinite wisdom!
Anyway, I did a little internet/blog analysis and found that yes, it is okay to use ‘slutty’ without being censored. Whew! The clouds parted, the angels sang, and I finished my post with nary a concern…until this past Sunday night.
Finding myself with a little time on my hands, I engaged in more geeky blog-related analyses, this time on all of my posts. To my dismay, I discovered that some had been flagged as containing ‘adult content.’
‘ADULT CONTENT?’ What, am I running a porn site? Obviously, no (unless you include that hilarious photo I posted long ago of a naked Justin Bieber skipping though a field of daisies alongside a kangaroo*). I did, however, make careless use of a word deemed dirty by some of the filtering systems. Are you ready for this?
I used the word ‘b00bs.’
You heard me. B00bs. For some reason, saying ‘slutty’ is no big deal, but ‘b00bs?’ Call in the cops.
Now, am I over-reacting, or is that weird to you, too? I mean, come on, what am I supposed to call them? Breasts? I’m in my forties and it still sounds too grown-upy for me. Bosoms? Those belong to old ladies in babushkas with said appendages hanging down to their waists. I could use words like ‘tatas’ and ‘fun bags.’ They’d pass through the filters with ease. But do I really have to pretend I’m writing from a boys’ bathroom? Why can’t I just call them what most people do in normal, everyday life?
So here’s what I’m going to do: Instead of caving in to ‘the man’ I’m going to keep saying ‘b00bs’ but be tricky about it. Instead of two ‘o’s’ I’ll just use two zeros. I’ve actually been doing it this entire post. Did you notice? Well, guess what? The filtering programs didn’t.
Now for those of you offended by my reckless duplicity, I sincerely apologize. I just that I can’t – CAN’T – use the word ‘breasts.’ Maybe when I’m fifty or sixty that will change but, truthfully, it probably won’t.
Just slap my hand now and be done with it, okay? I’ve got to start writing my next post.
* Puh-leeze. Did you REALLY think that photo existed? (Shhh. He’s actually next to a zebra.)