Hey, guys. I know it's been a couple of weeks since I last posted.  What can I say? Life's so busy. Plus today's the last day of school for my crew, which means things are about to get crazier.

I did, however, find something so silly I felt it needed posting. Take a look:

Laser? Waxing? Electrolysis? The girl should explore her options. :)

Anyway -- oh, man, I can't believe I'm doing this -- you might know that I like to write novels. In fact, these past two weeks I've been finishing one. It's done. Feels so good!  I've never published a book, though. Let me tell you, it's hard to get noticed in the publishing world. But I'm seriously thinking of self-publishing, something a lot of authors are doing lately.

I'm worried, however. What if people think my books suck? Will they poke me with sticks? It's kept me and my books under a self-imposed quarantine. That is, until now.
 
Lately, I've been hearing about this whole YOLO thing. You know, the motto 'You Only Live Once.' Zac Efron even had 'YOLO' tattoed between his butt cheeks -- or on his hand. I can't remember exactly.

Anyway, I decided to stick my neck out there and post the first chapter of one of my books. Called Taking Her Time, it's about a girl who travels back to 1956 to prevent her own murder. Sound freaky? Good. That's because it is.

I gotta warn you, it's not like the stuff I write here, though you'll find a giggle or two. I thought it best to keep my insanity a secret, just between you and me. Promise me you won't tell?

So here's the deal: If you're interested, here's a link to the first chapter. Read it if you'd like. If you think the book would be something you'd like to read, If it's not, tell me that, too. At the same time, if you'd rather just giggle at the hairy armed girl, that's cool, as well. I'm just happy you're here --  though you should really go away and do something better with your brain! 

 

Oh my god, you’re psychic! How do I know? Just look at this:

See? You just read my mind! The proof is RIGHT THERE.

Sorry, that was silly. I do have some real proof, though. Just open your mind and guess which photo is going to appear below.

Is it...
a) a duck
b) a tree
c) a car, or
d) a double-yolked egg I cracked open last week that looks just like a butt?

Once you think you've got the answer, scroll down.








...keep going....








...almost there....









Ta da! IT'S THE DUCK!

I'm kidding. It's the butt egg. I just couldn't resist...but you knew that, didn't you? ;)

I rest my case.
Psychic.

In light of the new Avengers movie coming out, I grew concerned that there might be people out there who don't know which  superheroes are Avengers and which superheroes are not. So, as a public service, I created the following tutorial:

AVENGER/
NOT AVENGER

Batman: NOT an Avenger

Spiderman: NOT an Avenger...in this movie. Maybe he'll appear in a sequel?

Flash: NOT an Avenger

Wonder Woman: NOT an Avenger

Superman: NOT an Avenger

Anyway, I hope everyone is more enlightened now. Have a great week!


Photo credits: I scoured the internets for these photos, peeps, and found a bevy of goofiness. Click on the photos for site credits, then check them out. Some are hilarious! (Hawkeye is mine, though. Gotta contribute.)

I’m sorry it’s been two weeks since my last post, but the gods have been against me. My hubby was gone, I went on a reading jag, plus couldn’t stop day-dreaming about winning The Voice. (You should have heard my rendition of Whitney Houston’s I Will Always Love You. I absolutely KILLED in that fantasy segment.)

Sure, there may have been a few other things, like my sister passing along the first season of the new Dr. Who*, forcing me into a wildly happy but comatose state in front of the television for a while, but outside of that I have been TOTALLY ON TASK.

Okay, so maybe there was that time I spent an inappropriately long time adding photos to my ‘Funny Celebrity Photos’ board on Pinterest. Don’t judge me. It’s hard not to pass by a photo of Christina Aguilera looking all ‘crazed blow up doll’ and not do something about it.

And maybe most people don’t get so upset that yogurt, even though it’s supposed to be ‘cultured,’ always seems to spit in my face when I peel back the foil on the container. And maybe most don't take that rage and spend an hour composing a letter to Yoplait saying, ‘We put a man on the moon, for cripe’s sake. Can’t you tame yogurt!’

And sure, obsessing about the word ‘phlegm,’ and how it wins the trifecta for not only looking and sounding gross but also representing something gross, too, is not something normal people do for half a day, but that makes me unique, people. Roll with it.

Anyway, I’ve got to go now. I found yet another funny photo of Britney Spears -- man, that girl never ceases to disappoint -- and if I don’t add it to Pinterest right now the world will explode. Neither of us want that to happen. Bye!

* If you are aghast by my love of Dr. Who, you are not alone. It is pretty clear from my blog posts that I am one cool chick and in no way a geek. Seriously….okay, not seriously.

You are never going to believe what I just found out.

 I'M FILTHY, STINKING RICH!

I found not one or two, but three separate credit card offers in my mailbox today! If I play things right, my spending power is about to increase three-fold! A world of riches will be mine, and the excitement doesn't even end there.

The credit company I do use just sent me an updated card as well. Along with it they sent me another completely different card. I didn't have to ask!

That’s right. I got an unsolicited American Express card. I thought it had to be a mistake. I'd never applied or even asked for one, but my credit card confirmed that it was mine. You see, they had been worried because my current card wasn’t accepted at Neiman Marcus. Such a travesty!

Alas, Neiman Marcus, with their upscale, over-priced clothes. That's my kind of shopping...except it isn't, really. In fact, I only have one thing in my closet from Neiman Marcus: a Marc Jacobs black fringed top I’d found double tagged on a clearance rack at Filene’s Basement. 

Truth is, financially my family does okay because I don’t go credit card crazy. Credit cards can lure you into spending money, especially when you shouldn't.

I still remember back during my college days when a friend got her very first card. Her first bill was $34. She let it slide, rolling the bill to next month. Then she rolled it again. Six months later, finance charges and late fees turned that $34 into over $200. She nearly had a heart attack.

When it comes to credit cards, don't carry too many and do your best to pay them off every month. My rule is if I can’t pay for something straight out of my checking account, I can’t afford it on my credit card bill, either.

If you want a few more tips when it comes to credit cards, loans and money, take a peek below:

MOM'S MONEY TIPS

1. 'Special offers' aren't really special. If a company or salesman says you've been 'specially selected,’ don’t feel flattered. They just want your money. It’s called marketing.

2. ‘Low, easy payments’ are no deal. The lower your monthly payment, the more you pay in the end. Here's an example:

Say you take out a 6% loan for $5000. 

      - If you take out a 1 year loan, you’ll pay $430/month for 12 months. TOTAL: $5164.

      - If you take out a 3 year loan, you’ll pay $152/month for 36 months. TOTAL: $5476.

      - If you take out a 5 year loan, you’ll pay $97/month for 60 months. TOTAL: $5800.

3. Always ask yourself: Do you need it now, or can you wait? If you can wait, put that money in the bank until you’ve saved enough to buy it outright. For all you know, by that time you might not need or want it anymore.

4. Paying full retail price is for chumps. Wait until it’s on sale.

5. Cars are an expense, not an investment. Man, I've seen a lot of people become slaves to their car payments. Don't let that be you. Make sure buy a vehicle you can comfortably afford. Plus remember, its value decreases as as soon as you drive it off the dealer's lot.

6. It’s all about give and take. If you find something expensive that you absolutely must have, ask yourself what you’re willing to give up in order to get it.

7. The little things add up. A $3 cup of Starbucks coffee every morning = $90/month. Yowsers.

8. Time is money. If you make $8/hr and wait until those killer $60 jeans go on sale for $40, you're not just saving $20 but 2-1/2 hours of work.


That’s all I’ve got for now. Make me proud and spend your money wisely! And if you're wondering what happened to those offers and the American Express card, they're in the trash.