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Microsoft Paint to the rescue!

7/10/2013

I don't know what's been going on, but this last week I've been having nightmares about the strangest things. Take the fireworks we saw up in Merrimac, Wisconsin. We sat so close we could "feel the vibrations in our butts." I won't name the source of that comment but will say it was a very accurate description. Anyway, what should appear half-way through the show but a demonic firework spider. I was able to capture it on film. Take a look. Freaky, don't you think?

I guess I'd be upset if a firework went off under my chin, too. Can't say I blame him.

Now, a normal person would take a look, shrug their shoulders then just continue on with the show. But I'm not normal. That spider haunted my very being. I could not shake it. What to do? Work a little Microsoft Paint magic! (Sorry, Photoshop is beyond my skill set.) So here it is again, this time with a jaunty hat -- a fez, no less! Call me silly, but it made me feel better. I was haunted no more.

Ahhh. Much better.

That is, until I went on a field trip to the Red Cross with my son's robotics team. The kids did great. As for me? During the entire presentation, all I could focus on were the CPR dummies in the corner of the room:

Seriously, they were really freaking me out. Here's a close up of one of them:

YIKES!!!

That night I had another nightmare. These guys were after me with the wicked desire to suck out my soul. I had to do something. Paint to the rescue, once again! Insert Angelina Jolie lips and -- presto! -- all was well with me again.

Smile for the camera!

She looks so blissed out, doesn't she?

I'll stop now. I don't want folks to think I'm too demented, or perhaps I'm already too late for that. I'm curious, though. What's the freakiest thing you've ever seen? How did you cope with it?

Link to Angelina lips photo

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Just Checking in

6/26/2013

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My summer continues to be busy but thought I'd check in to tell you a few things that have been going on. Like a couple of days ago, a gentle breeze wafted through the Quad Cities...

...and I saw a sign on a gas station door that got me excited until I continued reading...

...plus I had another SQUEE moment. While in Half-Price Books this Saturday, I hit the mother lode. If you're a Doctor Who fan, adjust your bow ties and take a look at this:

TA DA!

This bundle of goodness contains all that is magical and awesome. I'm talking a TARDIS, people, one that holds Doctor Who Monster Invasion trading cards. It even included a pack of them to get my collection started! Of course, as soon I got home, I added it to my office's corny corner of love. What a wonderful addition.

The bundle also came with a magazine, a little poster, and -- be still my heart -- a Doctor Who mask! Instead of trying to get my cat, Cinnamon, to wear it (I learned my lesson earlier) I borrowed my son's old Build-A-Bear cat, also named Cinnamon. I must say, he was a much more cooperative model. Still, Matt's zombie eyes kinda freak me out. Yes, I know. I'm supposed to cut them out but I'm too afraid. If I screw up and disfigure Matt I could never forgive myself.

Anyway, those are a few of the highlights of my week. Fascinating, I know. I hope you're all having some summertime fun. If you have a chance, tell me about it!

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silly signs and book giveaways

6/9/2013

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So...this week I took my kids to the doctor for their physicals and this is what greeted us at the door:

No weapons? Dang. This meant I had to go back to the car and stash my semi-automatic pistol into the glove compartment. Thank goodness they clarified that this was in the name of the healing process. If it had been a day care center, I would have balked at their request. Seriously, what or who prompted this sign to appear? An an overly concerned staff member in their legal department? Or did some bozo pull out a switch blade and start cleaning under his nails during his 6 month-old's wellness check up?

Later that week, my kids pointed out a sign hanging above us at our local grocery store:

That's right, not home made cookies but cookies you can take HOME. MADE. It reminded me of a TV commercial I saw all the time while growing up near Chicago. There was this company called Award Lumber and Construction that sold a product called their "Winning Window." When they advertised it, they called it their "Award Winning Window." Cheesy then. Cheesy now. Here it is:

Anyway, that's it for now. It's summer break so I can't post as often. The kids' activities are wiping me out. I did manage to kick off a couple of book giveaways on Goodreads, however. If you're a member, click on one (or both) of the books below to enter. There are a TON of other book giveaways there, as well. Free books are awesome so check them out! I'm also curious, what are you reading this summer? I just finished Cassandra Clare's Clockwork Princess WHICH WAS AWESOME and just got Game of Thrones. Can't wait to start!

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Extraordinary

by Janene Murphy

Giveaway ends June 30, 2013.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Moms are from Mars

by Janene Murphy

Giveaway ends July 05, 2013.

See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

Enter to win

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Fright NIght

4/26/2013

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Not me. I have hair.

I'm going to tell you one of the scariest, most embarrassing stories about me right now. I remember it clearly. It was the night of April 14th. My family and I had been sound asleep upstairs.

Around 2AM I heard a HUGE thump downstairs. I sprung out of bed. Then, without thinking, I ran down the stairs in the dark to find out what had happened. At the foot of the stairs, I froze as my heart sprang up into my throat. What was I doing?

"Janene," Rick scolded from the top of the stairs."Come back up! You don't know what or who might be down there."

Exactly what I'd been thinking.

I rushed back up the stairs as Rick went down, a thick dowel rod in his hands. Grabbing the phone from our bedroom, I tip-toed back down after him, hoping he'd found nothing. Which he had. We had no idea what had made that noise moments ago. Then I entered the dining room and realized something was off. Really off.

I couldn't figure it out at first. Then I realized what had bee wrong. Our huge print of Portofino, Italy -- one of my favorite places, BTW -- had fallen from the wall. Luckily, the glass hadn't cracked. The only damage had been to the back of the frame. One of the large hooks that had held the wire to hang it had completely ripped off. There it sat, leaning up against the wall, instead of hanging from the nail in the wall. Are you ready to hear the embarrassing, scary part?

As of today, the print is still there. And this didn't happen a couple of weeks ago. It happened April 14, 2012. Yep. This all happened over a year ago and the print is still leaning against the wall.

Embarrassing, huh? I told you. And here's the scary part of all this. I have no plans to fix it anytime soon. My life is just so dang busy!

All right. I know that's a cop out, which is why I'm telling you all of this today. I'm hoping the shame will finally spur me into action. I hope it works.

Somehow I doubt it.

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That darn cat

4/10/2013

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going on a milk carton

Stan is missing.

You know that sad and sullen voodoo doll I bought in New Orleans during Spring Break? Well, he's gone, baby, gone and I'm oh so sad. He'd already looked as though he'd seen enough.

Of course, you know who I am blaming: our cat, Cinnamon. He's got a record. Remember when he attacked my Thor? I'd found Thor's hammer behind the couch -- surrounded by cat fur, no less. And now Cinnamon's getting bolder. Look at this:

It's a feather from Stan. I didn't find it behind the couch but IN PLAIN VIEW on the carpet right next to my desk. It's like Cinnamon isn't even trying to appear innocent. I fear what he might do next.

My other voodoo dolls are worried, too -- at least the ones with feathers. To be safe, I put them in my desk drawer. Just to make them comfy, I covered them with an old cleansing cloth for glasses. I think they appreciated that.

Still, I can't work miracles. You know Cinnamon's bear -- the one he thought was his baby a while back? Well, he's Cinnamon's enemy now. At least that's what I'm assuming. I fear the bear is too far gone to do anything now.

Man, that looks like it hurts.

Seriously, what am I going to do with that cat? He's turning into such vicious troublemaker. You'd never guess he was the same cat who pees in fright whenever he's by the front door and the doorbell rings. He even runs away when anyone other than family enters the house! Well, I'm not buying the "scaredy cat" act anymore.

I'm on to you, Cinnamon. Watch out.

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Happy Easter!

3/31/2013

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I feel bad. I meant to create some cute Easter keyboard animals for you, but I simply ran out of time. You see my mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law and their kids came in this weekend to celebrate the holiday with us. Huzzah! Though it was fun, it was also very busy -- and not just while they were here, either. I had to prepare for their arrival. You know, cook, clean, as well as put out my special hand soap, shown below. It seemed appropriate given the Easter holiday, don't you think?

But, like I said, there was also fun. Yesterday we decided to take the crew few miles down the road to Le Claire, Iowa. Of course, that meant we had to stop at the American Pickers store. Mike and Frank weren't there, but we did see a big head that was just screaming for me to take it home:

Rick said no.

Oh, did I mention we also celebrated Rick's birthday? The baker asked me what I wanted on the cake and I said, "Just put 'Happy Birthday, Rick!' Nothing fancy. Maybe some green and yellow balloons because he likes the Green Bay Packers." Here's what I got:

Anyway, now that our company's gone, it's time for me to collapse. I promise to make some Easter keyboard characters soon. In the meantime, here's the cutest photo of a bunny I've ever taken. Ain't he cute?

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Just letting off some crazy steam

3/2/2013

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This book will be mine. MINE!

It has been said that just because you can watch 16 episodes of Parks & Recreation back to back, doesn't mean you should. Well, I'm here to say I think that's caca. To maintain my sanity (which is hard), I find it necessary to take a day off once in a while. Yesterday was one of those days. Though some may say my day off had to do more with my P&R obsession than my need for a sanity break, all I can say is the first step in dealing with a problem is recognizing that you have one. I'm not ready to do that yet.

Plus I did do a couple other things on my day off, like carving out time to perfect my whistling lips beat box skills. If you think I'm joking, ask my family. They will nod in acknowledgement, then bow their heads in shame.

I am posting this picture in protest of the "look how cute I am" photomania currently on Facebook. I call this "look at how moronic I am." No extra charge for the fly away hair and dark circles under the eyes.

I also coaxed my Action Figure Jesus into turning water into wine. I have to say, he outdid himself. Instead of a standard table wine, he produced a savory full-bodied cabernet with soft vanilla undertones. Yum.

Then to continue the magic, I let my dragon finger puppet friend, Steve, help me type this post. (My index finger had a boo boo and typing hurt. Boy. Such a good friend, that Steve.)

Steve was rescued from the $1 bin at IKEA. The thought of him languishing in a landfill made me cry.

And now I feel much better. Sure, I'm still a little crazy but you knew that already. If you have a sec, tell me what do you do to blow off steam. I'd love to hear it.

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KIDS SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

10/14/2012

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Not my kid. Just thought he was cute.

I keep a special journal for each of my kids detailing different cute or funny things they’ve done over the years. Today I took a moment to go back and read them. I’ve got to say, they’ve said some pretty funny things over the years. The following is a few, written in a way that conceals their identity. Gotta protect the guilty!

Here I go:

One of my kids at age three, when asked the question: “What time do you eat breakfast?” The answer: “Daytime.”

One of my kids at age four, when caught with a muddy stick, smearing muddy stripes on Grandma and Grandpa’s dog: “I’m painting. What a masterpiece!”

One of my kids at age five, while at the dinner table rattling off words that begin with ‘f’:
“Father…frost…feather…fum…”
“Fum?” I reply. “Don’t you mean ‘fun’?”
“No.” Lifts a thumb high in the air. “Fum!”

One of my kids at age six, when told that money doesn’t buy happiness: “But money buys ice cream, and ice cream makes me happy.”

One of my kids at age seven, while handing me a stuffed teddy bear: “Here, Mom. I poured all of my love into this. Keep it so when I’m away you can still feel my love.” Aw!

One of my kids at age eight, confessing that they told someone our family secret: “What secret?” I asked. The kid's reply: “The fact that we’re all crazy.”

One of my kids at age nine, right on their birthday: “I can’t believe it. Half of my childhood is over.”

One of my kids at age ten, after doing something really stupid: “I just realized my fatal flaw. I have no common sense.”

One of my kids at age eleven, when told he’s flirting with danger. “Flirting, mom? I’m dating it!”

Another funny one at age eleven (I couldn't pass this one up): “I can read your mind, Mom. I must be psychotic!”

What about you? Any cute quotes to share?

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I'm a superhero

10/9/2012

16 Comments

Hmmm...

I think I might be a superhero. Why? I have so many gifts. Without even having been there, I can tell when someone's taken a shower or sneaked a snack from the kitchen. When I sit on the couch, the arm chair covers don't come off. I know, how do I do it? And last night, while I was sitting on that very same couch, I ate popcorn and none of it landed on the cushions!

My Spidey senses are tingling.

When I throw my clothes in the hamper, they make it in every time. At first I didn't think that was such a huge skill but my kids just can't seem to do it. As for my actual clothes, did you know I can take off my jeans without turning them into a pretzel? Not that it matters. Untangling clothes is another great skill of mine. I can also stop watching a YouTube video before it's even finished. I forced my sons to try that once. They actually writhed in agony! I must have a high pain threshold.

I won't even go into my ability to find shoes that mysteriously disappear in the closet, or my uncanny ability to hang a coat on a hanger. I don't want to gloat. As for getting stains out of carpets or someone's favorite shirt? Don't even mention it. I have a feeling, though, I might not be the only mom who can do all these things.

Seriously, what IS this?

Perhaps all of us are superheroes. What do you think?

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Best intentions gone bad

8/26/2012

19 Comments

I've been inspired!

Did you hear about the elderly Spanish woman who helped her church by restoring one of their murals? If you want, you can read the whole story by clicking here. Otherwise, here's a summation:

The 19th century fresco used to look like this:

It deteriorated to this:

And then she fixed it. Now it looks like this:

Can you believe it? Neither can I? Holy transformation! It totally inspired me. This past week I decided to go to some museums and try my hand a restoration. I hate to brag, but I think I've outdone myself. Just look at what I've done to the Mona Lisa. The folks at the Louvre just went out of their minds!

Then I headed over to the Art Institute of Chicago and improved on Grant Wood's American Gothic. The folks there didn't know how to thank me. I even saw some tears in their eyes!

Picasso's Old Guitarist was next. They didn't know how to respond to this one either. I really left them speechless.

So I contacted the owner of Munch's The Scream. I have to say, this one is my favorite. Not only that, when I presented the finished painting the owner screamed, too! Not in agony, though, but sheer delight -- at least I'm pretty sure it was.

Anyway, what do you think? Did I do a good job? I know a lot of people are talking about my work. Maybe this is a start of a new career for me. Which painting should I do next?

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