I'll stop now. I don't want folks to think I'm too demented, or perhaps I'm already too late for that. I'm curious, though. What's the freakiest thing you've ever seen? How did you cope with it?
I don't know what's been going on, but this last week I've been having nightmares about the strangest things. Take the fireworks we saw up in Merrimac, Wisconsin. We sat so close we could "feel the vibrations in our butts." I won't name the source of that comment but will say it was a very accurate description. Anyway, what should appear half-way through the show but a demonic firework spider. I was able to capture it on film. Take a look. Freaky, don't you think? Now, a normal person would take a look, shrug their shoulders then just continue on with the show. But I'm not normal. That spider haunted my very being. I could not shake it. What to do? Work a little Microsoft Paint magic! (Sorry, Photoshop is beyond my skill set.) So here it is again, this time with a jaunty hat -- a fez, no less! Call me silly, but it made me feel better. I was haunted no more. That is, until I went on a field trip to the Red Cross with my son's robotics team. The kids did great. As for me? During the entire presentation, all I could focus on were the CPR dummies in the corner of the room: Seriously, they were really freaking me out. Here's a close up of one of them: That night I had another nightmare. These guys were after me with the wicked desire to suck out my soul. I had to do something. Paint to the rescue, once again! Insert Angelina Jolie lips and -- presto! -- all was well with me again. She looks so blissed out, doesn't she?
I'll stop now. I don't want folks to think I'm too demented, or perhaps I'm already too late for that. I'm curious, though. What's the freakiest thing you've ever seen? How did you cope with it?
9 Comments
My summer continues to be busy but thought I'd check in to tell you a few things that have been going on. Like a couple of days ago, a gentle breeze wafted through the Quad Cities... ...and I saw a sign on a gas station door that got me excited until I continued reading... ...plus I had another SQUEE moment. While in Half-Price Books this Saturday, I hit the mother lode. If you're a Doctor Who fan, adjust your bow ties and take a look at this: This bundle of goodness contains all that is magical and awesome. I'm talking a TARDIS, people, one that holds Doctor Who Monster Invasion trading cards. It even included a pack of them to get my collection started! Of course, as soon I got home, I added it to my office's corny corner of love. What a wonderful addition. The bundle also came with a magazine, a little poster, and -- be still my heart -- a Doctor Who mask! Instead of trying to get my cat, Cinnamon, to wear it (I learned my lesson earlier) I borrowed my son's old Build-A-Bear cat, also named Cinnamon. I must say, he was a much more cooperative model. Still, Matt's zombie eyes kinda freak me out. Yes, I know. I'm supposed to cut them out but I'm too afraid. If I screw up and disfigure Matt I could never forgive myself. Anyway, those are a few of the highlights of my week. Fascinating, I know. I hope you're all having some summertime fun. If you have a chance, tell me about it!
So...this week I took my kids to the doctor for their physicals and this is what greeted us at the door: No weapons? Dang. This meant I had to go back to the car and stash my semi-automatic pistol into the glove compartment. Thank goodness they clarified that this was in the name of the healing process. If it had been a day care center, I would have balked at their request. Seriously, what or who prompted this sign to appear? An an overly concerned staff member in their legal department? Or did some bozo pull out a switch blade and start cleaning under his nails during his 6 month-old's wellness check up? Later that week, my kids pointed out a sign hanging above us at our local grocery store: That's right, not home made cookies but cookies you can take HOME. MADE. It reminded me of a TV commercial I saw all the time while growing up near Chicago. There was this company called Award Lumber and Construction that sold a product called their "Winning Window." When they advertised it, they called it their "Award Winning Window." Cheesy then. Cheesy now. Here it is: Anyway, that's it for now. It's summer break so I can't post as often. The kids' activities are wiping me out. I did manage to kick off a couple of book giveaways on Goodreads, however. If you're a member, click on one (or both) of the books below to enter. There are a TON of other book giveaways there, as well. Free books are awesome so check them out! I'm also curious, what are you reading this summer? I just finished Cassandra Clare's Clockwork Princess WHICH WAS AWESOME and just got Game of Thrones. Can't wait to start! Goodreads Book GiveawayEnter to winGoodreads Book GiveawayMoms are from Marsby Janene MurphyGiveaway ends July 05, 2013. See the giveaway details at Goodreads. I know I'm lucky. Sure, I kid around and fake complain a lot but, truth be told, I know I am blessed. Take this week. My biggest crisis has been placating my 12 year-old, who has been waiting for the rain to stop so he can burn an Abercrombie & Fitch t-shirt. Like I said on Facebook, I'd like to believe that he wants to set the shirt afire because of the CEO's "we don't want fat people wearing our clothes" admission. I know the truth, though. He's just a pyro who enjoys watching things burn. What 12 year-old boy doesn't? As for how I've spent my day so far? Embroiled in the serious business of a photo shoot. The model: a fava bean I got at a St. Joseph's Day celebration in New Orleans which I think bears an uncanny resemblance to a squished Alaskan Bull Worm from the TV show SpongeBob SquarePants. Yeah. I'm a freak.
Well, while I've been dealing with sill stuff, I've got a blogger friend who has been dealing with a whole lot more. Her name is Tricia (a.k.a. Tershbango), and for the past year she's been battling chronic Lyme disease. It isn't a pretty picture. I won't go into the physical details of what's happening to her. All I'll say is it REALLY SUCKS. And I'm not talking "it's too wet to light crap on fire outside" kind of sucks. I'm talking marriage breaking, job losing, excruciatingly painful kind of sucks. Plus treatment costs a fortune. So, I'm going to ask you to do two things: 1. If you ever get bitten by a tick and suspect Lyme disease GET YOUR BUTT TO A DOCTOR ASAP. Click here to be directed to the Mayo Clinic's website for signs and symptoms. This disease is serious business. 2. Click here to head over to Tricia's website. You can hear her full story, plus learn about some seriously cool people who are conducting a fundraiser for her. If you can give, please do. If you can't, just send a positive comment her way. She'd sure appreciate it. If even a comment is too much, just send some positive vibes her way. She needs all she can get. One final note: Tricia, I know you're reading this. You must know I think you're are one of the strongest, funniest, most beautiful people in the blogsphere. You will beat this. In the meantime, I'm sending extra hugs your way. *HUGS* I haven't posted in a while, but that's because a lot has been going on in my life. I did, however, get my book Moms are from Mars: a savory blend of memories, opinions, advice and ridiculousness onto Kindle and Nook. Huzzah! And it's only $2.99. That's a small price to pay to read embarrassing stories about me, as well as witness another miracle by Action Figure Jesus. ;) As for other e book devices, it will be coming to them very soon. Click here for more info on when and where yoy can buy it. Of course, don't forget my other book, Extraordinary: Light vs. Dark. It's getting great reviews! For info on that, click here. But enough with the sales pitch. I want each and every one of you to know I love you. Truly, I do. Yep, I think you're all that and a bag of Cheetos. To prove it, I came up with a special pet name just for you. Just do the following. In the first column, find the number that corresponds to your birth year (ex. 1996 = #6). That's the first part of your pet name. After that, go to the second column and select your birth month (ex. January - #1). That's the second part of your name. Voila! When you're done, leave me a comment so I know what to call you from now on, okay? Mom's Pet Names
Oh! Before I go, I have a confession I must make to my family. Remember the French silk pie I bought last week for my birthday? I lied when I said I thought everyone else liked that kind of pie. I knew no one else did. But I got it anyway. Because it's my favorite. And it was my birthday. And, dang it, it was MY special day. And though it took me three days to it, it was no sacrifice for me to eat it all. I savored every slice. Anyway, with that said, I'm going to hop on the tread mill. For some reason, I gained two pounds this week. Huh. And finally, thanks to fellow writer and blogger Ian Cochrane for giving me a Versatile Blogger award. So sweet! I've got a big announcement: I've written another book and I am very excited about it. Why? Because it features a TON of my crazy life experiences. Dating, high school, money, travel, fashion, and -- of course -- motherhood are all covered. Called Moms are from Mars, this book blends blog posts with original content that will never be published on this site. Below are a few of the stories you will find inside: ... my glorious liberation from Tough Skins® jeans... ... an embarrassing misadventure with a weaponized curling iron... ... the ill-thought implementation of a noose as a life-saving device... ... my dad's HUGE tall tale about Ronald Reagan... ... an early fascination with high quality television programming... ... my unseemly dalliances with lying, cheating, and thievery... ... the time in Paris when I saw French film star Gerard Depardieu naked. Maybe. Keep in mind, however, that I've learned from my mistakes. You'll find plenty of opinions and advice, as well. This book is great for teens and adults, alike, and would make a GREAT Mother's Day gift. :) In fact, that's why I'm announcing it now. Some of my test readers wanted to give it to their moms or fellow moms on that day. So I cranked to get it out in time. Still, as of this writing, it's only available in paperback on Amazon. Click here to go there now. The e book is coming soon, though. When it becomes available, I'll let you know. Oh! One more thing. I'm going to kinda sorta take back my words on the whole "exclusive content that will never be published on my site." Right now, since the LOOK INSIDE THE BOOK feature isn't up yet, I decided to post a little bit here. Once the feature is installed on Amazon, I will take the snippet down. Until then, if you want to look before you buy, click here to read some of the first chapter. And now I'm done. I hope you like my new book! Not me. I have hair. I'm going to tell you one of the scariest, most embarrassing stories about me right now. I remember it clearly. It was the night of April 14th. My family and I had been sound asleep upstairs. Around 2AM I heard a HUGE thump downstairs. I sprung out of bed. Then, without thinking, I ran down the stairs in the dark to find out what had happened. At the foot of the stairs, I froze as my heart sprang up into my throat. What was I doing? "Janene," Rick scolded from the top of the stairs."Come back up! You don't know what or who might be down there." Exactly what I'd been thinking. I rushed back up the stairs as Rick went down, a thick dowel rod in his hands. Grabbing the phone from our bedroom, I tip-toed back down after him, hoping he'd found nothing. Which he had. We had no idea what had made that noise moments ago. Then I entered the dining room and realized something was off. Really off. I couldn't figure it out at first. Then I realized what had bee wrong. Our huge print of Portofino, Italy -- one of my favorite places, BTW -- had fallen from the wall. Luckily, the glass hadn't cracked. The only damage had been to the back of the frame. One of the large hooks that had held the wire to hang it had completely ripped off. There it sat, leaning up against the wall, instead of hanging from the nail in the wall. Are you ready to hear the embarrassing, scary part? As of today, the print is still there. And this didn't happen a couple of weeks ago. It happened April 14, 2012. Yep. This all happened over a year ago and the print is still leaning against the wall. Embarrassing, huh? I told you. And here's the scary part of all this. I have no plans to fix it anytime soon. My life is just so dang busy!
All right. I know that's a cop out, which is why I'm telling you all of this today. I'm hoping the shame will finally spur me into action. I hope it works. Somehow I doubt it. Maybe not. Is it just me or has Mother Nature gone insane? The weather's been so wacky lately. It's April 19th in Iowa and earlier today it actually SNOWED. Not much, mind you -- just a few flakes but, dang! What is going on? I'm particularly concerned about my homies in Chicago. All that flooding. Not much fun. Of course, I know more than my fair share about floods. It started back in 1993. Rick and I had just moved to Germany. We turned the TV on and saw a place called "The Quad Cities" had made international news. It had flooded. Big time. No huge surprise since it was situated on the Mississippi River. To preserve the beauty of the riverfront, an earlier decision had been made to keep their flood walls low. Really? we thought. What kind of people live like that? Turns out, they were people like us. Three years later we were transferred to Rock Island Arsenal in -- yep, you guessed it -- The Quad Cities. Now I have to say the river doesn't flood every year and, when it does, it's not like 1993. But it does flood. I'm not sure how many times it's done so since we've moved here, but the fact that I've lost count should tell you something. Anyway, I dug out photos I had taken during one of the floods. I'm not sure which year these are from. 2011? I do know they're starting to fill sandbags again. Perhaps another photo op is coming. going on a milk carton Stan is missing. You know that sad and sullen voodoo doll I bought in New Orleans during Spring Break? Well, he's gone, baby, gone and I'm oh so sad. He'd already looked as though he'd seen enough. Of course, you know who I am blaming: our cat, Cinnamon. He's got a record. Remember when he attacked my Thor? I'd found Thor's hammer behind the couch -- surrounded by cat fur, no less. And now Cinnamon's getting bolder. Look at this: It's a feather from Stan. I didn't find it behind the couch but IN PLAIN VIEW on the carpet right next to my desk. It's like Cinnamon isn't even trying to appear innocent. I fear what he might do next. My other voodoo dolls are worried, too -- at least the ones with feathers. To be safe, I put them in my desk drawer. Just to make them comfy, I covered them with an old cleansing cloth for glasses. I think they appreciated that. Still, I can't work miracles. You know Cinnamon's bear -- the one he thought was his baby a while back? Well, he's Cinnamon's enemy now. At least that's what I'm assuming. I fear the bear is too far gone to do anything now. Seriously, what am I going to do with that cat? He's turning into such vicious troublemaker. You'd never guess he was the same cat who pees in fright whenever he's by the front door and the doorbell rings. He even runs away when anyone other than family enters the house! Well, I'm not buying the "scaredy cat" act anymore.
I'm on to you, Cinnamon. Watch out. I feel bad. I meant to create some cute Easter keyboard animals for you, but I simply ran out of time. You see my mom, dad, sister, brother-in-law and their kids came in this weekend to celebrate the holiday with us. Huzzah! Though it was fun, it was also very busy -- and not just while they were here, either. I had to prepare for their arrival. You know, cook, clean, as well as put out my special hand soap, shown below. It seemed appropriate given the Easter holiday, don't you think? But, like I said, there was also fun. Yesterday we decided to take the crew few miles down the road to Le Claire, Iowa. Of course, that meant we had to stop at the American Pickers store. Mike and Frank weren't there, but we did see a big head that was just screaming for me to take it home: Rick said no. Oh, did I mention we also celebrated Rick's birthday? The baker asked me what I wanted on the cake and I said, "Just put 'Happy Birthday, Rick!' Nothing fancy. Maybe some green and yellow balloons because he likes the Green Bay Packers." Here's what I got: Anyway, now that our company's gone, it's time for me to collapse. I promise to make some Easter keyboard characters soon. In the meantime, here's the cutest photo of a bunny I've ever taken. Ain't he cute?
|
Weird AuthorMy name's Murphy, Janene Murphy, and I'm a weird mom. MY BOOKS!
For info, click on the covers. To SUBSCRIBE to my blog, just hit the 'Contact Me' button at the bottom of the left hand column on this page and fill out the form to get my posts via email. You can also sign up to get it on your RSS or Networked Blogs feeds by hitting the buttons below. All of them are free and easy -- two qualities I like!
Your FavoritesWhat Color Season Are You?
Cute Keyboard Animals Tattoos are Evil Worst Fictional Moms of the Last 50 Years Crushed by my Celebrity Crush's Height Just Letting Off Some Crazy Steam You Are What You Wear? Kids Say the Darndest Things Top Ten Most Iconic Teen Movies of the 1980s My Summer Vacation Craziest Book Titles on Amazon Teen TV 'Act Your Age': Part 2
|