I’ve got to say, if someone doesn’t step in and buy them I’m going to have a serious hissy fit. Not that hissy fits are serious. They’re actually pretty lame. Remember that kid whose mom cancelled his World of Warcraft account?
Anyway, I’m sad. It’s like my childhood took one in the gut. Oh, the memories! All those days opening my lunch box to find a completely smashed Ho Ho with its chocolately layer flaked off and sticking to the wrapper. Such good times. And those Hostess fruit pies -- at close to 500 calories, I never realized apples could be so unhealthy. I'm sorry, I mean delicious. Seriously, the U.S. is so close to a breakthrough in Type III Diabetes development. Discontinuing these snacks would be a giant step back.
I don't know how I'll be able to stand the "ding dong" of the doorbell. What’s worse, the holidays are coming. Santa’s “ho ho!” will sound so hollow. As for kids throwing snow balls? Oh, the humanity! Also, from now on I’ll have to “nut up or shut up” when I watch Woody Harrelson hunt for Twinkies in Zombieland. That movie was once one of my favorite comedies. Now it’s a heart-breaking drama!
So please, someone -- anyone -- save my snacks from extinction. I don’t think my heart could take it. At the same time, my gut probably wouldn’t mind -- or my thighs, or my butt. You get the picture.