Okay, so your mom doesn’t get it. But remember, she was once like you. Sure, it was back when being plucked from the sky by a Pterodactyl was a grim possibility, but still. I’ll tell you what - why don’t you just sit back and discover what life was like in the ‘olden days’. It may not help your mom understand you, but maybe you’ll be able to understand her. So here, for your edification, is my first installment of …
BACK IN THE DAY
Teen Idols: The Eight Pack vs. The Eight Track
Back in November, some friends and I went to see the latest Twilight movie, “New Moon,” at 11 a.m. on a Friday afternoon. As you may have guessed, there weren’t a lot of teenagers in the crowd. Instead, there were mostly moms like us who shared a love for the vampire series. Imagine my horror when half the middle-aged audience shrieked in delight when Taylor Lautner (a.k.a. Jacob) took off his shirt. Can we give a collective ‘ew’? I’m not saying the guy isn’t hot. He is beefcake at its finest. But jeez, he just turned eighteen!
Anyway, as we were leaving after the movie, my friends and I discussed the movie’s plot, some key scenes and, of course, Jacob’s abs. “Man,” one said. “He didn’t have a six-pack, he had an eight-pack!” Then another said, “When we were growing up, we never had teen idols like that.”
And we didn’t. Oh, boy, we didn’t. And I have to say I’m a little jealous. Look at the picture below. This was my teen idol growing up, Shaun Cassidy. I loved playing his 8-track tapes (were talking way before IPods, sweeties) and didn’t miss one episode of ‘The Hardy Boys’ on TV. As a matter of fact, one of my darkest moments involved a pink satin baseball jacket with his image silk screened on the back. My mom said I couldn’t have it, and it was so beautifully displayed on the Sears mannequin, too. Tragic.
Now in typical teen idol fashion, the guy was gorgeous - no denying that. But his bod was so skinny you could thread a needle with him. There were others like him, too. Leif Garrett, Scott Baio, and Andy Gibb to name a few. All of them had dreamy eyes, fabulous hair, and chests as flat as Brownie Girl Scouts.
What does this mean? I’m not really sure. But if you catch your mom gaping at a magazine spread of Taylor (Eight-Pack) Lautner while she’s in the check out aisle at the Piggly Wiggly, have pity. If, however, she squeals when he takes his shirt off in a movie, you have my permission to disown her.