I see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Summer is almost over and the kids are almost in school. That means it won't be too much longer until I have my head straight again. In the meantime, I'm treating you with another guest post on a subject sure to make you giggle.

THE SET UP: Last week I mentioned a post I wrote for Radical Parenting entitled, The Top 21 Things Teens Never Say To Their Parents. Well, now it's time for some quid pro quo. Meet Lauren Lee Fischer, one of Radical Parenting's teen interns. She fired back with her own hilarious take on things parents will never say to teens. Gotta say, I think you'll love it. Check it out below:
   
hell frozen over
THE TOP 10 THINGS PARENTS WILL NEVER SAY TO THEIR TEENS

It’s called the “Universal-Mommy-Code.” 

Yes. That’s what I’ve officially named it. 

Regardless of size, shape, age, color, or personality – there are just some things moms will never, ever, ever say. As a teenager looking into this strange realm of  protectorate, maternal females, it seriously seems like they’ve secretly signed a pledge or something . . . to adhere to the Universal Mommy Code. 

It’s not like they’re trying to be “Mother-May-I.” It’s just a natural development that comes with motherhood, I guess. They have to be stringy, sometimes. It’s part of the job description.  It’s what puts up the barrier between “Mom, my friend” and . . . well, “Mom, the Mom.”  I’d dare to say that dads have the same problem. In fact, they can sometimes be worse. 

Yet… you gotta admit. It would be pretty funny if parents actually broke the code and said some of these things. 

#10 . . . “Dude.”

#9 . . . “Girl, that skirt is way too long. Don’t you have a shorter one  somewhere?? If I had those legs, I’d be showing them off! Really, sister. I spend all this money on your wardrobe and you can’t even put together a decent outfit.” 
 
#8 . . . “Your boyfriend’s skull tattoo is super hot. I’ve been thinking you should get one,sometime, too.”

#7 . . . “You don’t need a coat! Who cares if it’s snowing? Wimp.”

#6 . . . “Wow. You just put your napkin on your lap? Seriously, loosen up a little. People will start to think I’m running a penitentiary or something.”
 
#5 . . . “You’re picking up your date in that dumpy pick-up of yours? Please. I know you’ve only been driving for a few months, but take the Mercedes. Much more flashy.”

#4 . . . “Your father and I think you need to get a few more Cs and Ds in school. Getting straight As makes you look like a goody-goody.” 

#3 . . . “Don’t worry about life.You won’t survive it anyways!”  

#2 . . . “You should really spend more time on Facebook. I’ve been worried about your social cultivation.” 

#1 . . . “I was wrong.”

 
Lauren Lee Fischer is a teen intern with radicalparenting.com. She competes in a national Debate league, loves public speaking, and wants to one day have a career in either Law or Politics. She strives to use her rocky past to support and help other teens who have experienced, or are experiencing the same things she did. Follow Lauren Lee at The Washington Project.


Photo credit: TeX HeX's flicker photo stream. Thank you!

 
 
I just got back from a ridiculously hot, but fun, family vacation. The theme was American history. We hit Philadelphia, Washington, D.C. and Williamsburg, spending the most time in good ‘ole D.C. I’ve got to say, I learned some new things about our nation's capitol. Here is my report:

Fun Fact #1: Andrew Jackson loved to party, and he partied plenty in the White House. Inviting everyone from dignitaries to the local riff raff, our seventh president held numerous public receptions. My favorite? The Great Cheese Party. Featuring a 1400 lb. wheel of cheese in the center of the room, people were encouraged to nibble on it while they socialized. Don't believe me? Here's proof, taken from a painting in the White House Visitors Center:
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'The Great Cheese' -- How cheesy!

Fun Fact #2: John  Wilkes Booth wasn’t just any actor. 
He was THE actor of the day. When he shot Abraham Lincoln at the Ford Theater, it was the present day equivalent of Brad Pitt popping off Obama. I wonder how Ye Olde National Inquirer covered that news story….


Fun Fact #3: Star Wars permeates Washington, D.C.

Evidence - The National Cathedral
national cathedral darth vader
One of the gargoyles on the church’s façade looks suspiciously like Darth Vader,  don’t you think? Even more disturbingly, at the time I took this picture, the gargoyle was located on the dark side of the church. Coincidence? I think not!

More Evidence -The National Museum of American History, First Ladies Exhibit.

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It might just be me, but Mamie Eisenhower’s hairstyle looks an
awful lot like Princess Leia’s. Could George Lucas have gotten his inspiration from
her? Maybe. (And by the way, museum curators, placing Nancy Reagan’s less-than-zero-sized inaugural dress next to Barbara Bush’s considerably larger one, though historically appropriate, is cruel. Just cruel.)

My Final (though I'm SURE there is more out there) evidence- The National Museum of American History AND The Air and Space Museum's gift shops

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Star Wars merchandise everywhere! This includes the the kitchy-coolest hoodie currently on
the market. Here’s my son, gleefully modeling the Darth Vader one. (And, no, he does not share the same stauture as an ewok. The only size left was a XXL, meaning all but the largest of men-children have chosen to indulge their latent geeky tendencies.)


Fun Fact #4: The Star Spangled Banner is frickin’ HUGE. Originally 30 feet x 42 feet, the flag that inspired our national anthem is still a whopping 30’x 34’ today. Each of its 15 stars is two feet wide. Same with its 15 stripes. Why 15? Because by the War of 1812 two more states had joined the union, Vermont (1791) and Kentucky (1792). The original plan was to add both a star AND a stripe for each new state that joined the union, but they soon realized it hand the potential to get way out of hand. The third Flag Act of 1818 changed the number of stripes back to the original 13 to pay homage to the original states. 
 
So there you have it. The educational part of my post has now concluded. If you are interested in a few trip tidbits of a more personal nature, click here.

If you REALLY can’t get enough of me -- which is super sad, BTW, cuz I’m just not that cool -- you can read my interview with Blog Catalog and/or read a guest post I did for Radical Parenting entitled, the Top 21 Things Teens Never Say to Their Parents.

If you want more, you're out of luck. You also need therapy.

Ciao.