I was all prepared to write a snarky post about the losers of 2012 then I had a change of heart. There was so much real tragedy last year. And plain silliness, as well. Still, screwy people need our support, not silly comments that just make the situation worse. So this year I give you Mom's Prayers for the Misguided. Okay, there might be some snark. Remember, I'm not perfect.

For Kristen Stewart: Cheating on R-Patz? What was she thinking? Messing around just isn't cool. It makes SO much sense that she got most of the scorn instead of her partner in crime, Rupert Sanders. She was young and dating a really cool guy while Sanders was only twice her age, married with kids, and in a power position as her boss. It's clear that she was way more of a skizz than him. And by "clear" I mean "totally not." When it comes to future cases of cheating in Hollywood, I pray for equal blame. Guys get off too easily. That sucks and needs to change.

For John Travolta's hair: May the Christmas tree flocking industry partner work harder with his spray on hair source so his mane of puffy paint can look fuller and more lustrous. Come on Johnny, we love you with or without the hair. It's the press on-felt wig that creeps us out. (Strangely, I couldn't find a free photo of him in his current hair condition. To see it, you will have to click here. But I won't provide a link to  Miley Cyrus' new cut. It's just too scary.  May she regain her senses.)

For Honey Boo Boo: May her "Go-Go Juice" of Mountain Dew and Red Bull magically transform into milk with a V8 V-Fusion chaser. And may she never be found saying "a dollar make me holler" on the corner of Easy Street and Lost Souls Avenue at 2 AM. I don't want to redneckognize her name in any police reports ten years from now.

While I'm on the younger set, may the spirit of dignity and wise choices guide the future of Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick's kids. That goes double for Snooki's child, which is in no way affiliated with Beyonce's old band Destiny's Child, except for Snooki calling her kid's baby shoes "bootylicious."

For Clint Eastwood and that empty chair of his at the Republican National Convention.  May Mr. Eastwood make at least one more incredible movie before senility totally consumes him. As for the chair, maybe a nice rub down with Pledge furniture polish? It deserves something for dealing with the humiliation. No chair should have to go through that.

For all of those involved in the Cruise-Holmes breakup -- Tom, Katie and little Suri. It's great to see the Stepford wife look disappear from Katie's eyes. Still, I know family break ups can be hard. May Tom and Katie make this work to minimize the hurt. I'd hate for Suri to lose focus on her burn book.

For Lance Armstrong: I get that he was tired of fending off the accusations that he used performance enhancing drugs. Yet from the evidence it was clear he did it, even though everyone else did it, too. May we all remember that even when all the cool kids are doing it that doesn't make it right. May Lance own up, square his shoulders, then focus his efforts on what really matters: his cancer foundation, Livestrong. 

Of course, I'd be remiss if I didn't keep Lindsay Lohan in my thoughts. I know 2012 wasn't quite the comeback year that she had hoped for. Instead, it ended up being more like 2007, 2008, 2009, 2010, and 2011. But that's okay. A new year is here. That means another chance. I sincerely hope she finds her way this time. Seriously. Watching young stars spiral downward to the tabloid's glee of the tabloids and sick fascination of the world makes me sad. Just plain sad.

And that's it. Did I miss anyone? Is there someone you think could use a little extra positive energy this year? Let me know. I'll make sure to light a candle for them. In the end, couldn't we all use a bump?

As a blogger, I get to see the search terms people type into Google before finding their way here. Every month, right at the top of the list it’s always “what color season am i." I get it. If you want to look good it's something you need to know. What I don't understand is the search term that always takes second place:

big time rush heights

That’s right. Legions of people come here wanting to know how tall the members in that boy band are, and Kendall, James, Logan, and Carlos are all included on my page, How Tall is Your Celebrity Crush?

I wanted to do something to thank these people Yep. I'm a giver. At the same time I had a strong desire to totally goof off. What's a woman to do? I decided to download head shots of all four members of the band. Then I uploaded them at morphthing.com. and morphed them into various combos. Here's the silly slideshow that resulted:

Now I couldn't just ignore fans of other celebrities. Take the Twilight folks. They need love, too. So I went ahead and morphed Rob Pattison and Taylor Lautner. Not a bad combination.

And of course, I can't for get the Beliebers out there. Here's Justin Bieber morphed with Selena Gomez.

Moms also drop in quite a bit. For them I morphed Brad Pitt with George Clooney.

And for the guys, I found the Megan Fox/Jessica Alba mash up quite appealing.

Since President's Day is coming up, I uploaded pictures of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln and morphed them, too.

And finally, just because I could, I morphed Kim Kardashian with Gollum from The Lord of the Rings:

As for the combo at the top? It's Madonna and Lady Gaga. Did you get that right? If so, treat yourself to a lollipop and a big 'ole bag of Cheetos.

Ciao!
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J.R. Martinez, Adele, Pippa Middleton’s butt -- there were many shining stars in 2011. But for every hyper giant there was a white dwarf that collapsed,  creating a black hole of misery for all. Yes, my dears, I’m talking about the Celebrity Losers of 2011. Below are the people Mom is very disappointed in this year:

Let's begin with the group awards. The first Group of Losers award goes to...

The  Kardashians 
I can’t tell you just how sick I am of the ridiculousness that is this family and Kim’s failed nuptials takes the ($20,000 wedding) cake. Sure, I’ve seen her tears and heard the whole ‘fool for love’argument, but I’m just not buying it. Could it be the fact that the primary news organization feeding us all this crap happens to be the same one that owns the show? Or maybe it’s the fact that Kim wants to keep the 20.5 karat diamond engagement ring Kris gave her ‘for sentimental reasons.’ Then, of course, is Kris Jenner’s admission  that Kim made no money off the wedding. Really? Because for 72 days all we heard
about was the $14.5 million she made and no one said a word. It wasn’t until AFTER the divorce backlash hit that she told us the ‘truth.’ Sorry, that sounds more like damage control to me. For all of you Kardashian lovers out there, please know I think Kris Humphries is a jerk. No love is lost on him, either.

The second Group of Losers award goes to...

The cast of Jersey Shore a.k.a. America’s Biggest Embarrassment. How are they not all on Valtrex by now? The worst ones this season are no surprise: Mike Sorrentino (The Situation), who proved to be an even bigger tool than before. I’d go into detail if I had a bucket of anti-bacterial gel to dunk my hands into after I type, but I don’t. I will say that smashing his own face into a wall was pretty funny….and loser appropriate. As for Nicole Polizzi, a.k.a. Snooki? Ditto on the antibacterial thing. If I hear the word ‘cuca’one more time I’m going to barf.  And telling a priest to "Shut up, a**hole," when he asks her to cover up her body while  walking past his church shows just how much class she really has. This entire show is one huge petri dish. It just makes me cringe.

Individual Awards go to....

Charlie Sheen Winning the award as funniest (and scariest) star implosion has got to go to Charlie. With phrases like ‘Duh! Winnning!’ ‘tiger’s blood,’ and ‘Adonis DNA’ he was personally responsible for adding at least a dozen new sayings into the American Lexicon. His infamous rants on the radio, which included making fun of his then boss, Chuck Lorre (not smart) lost him his $1.25 million per episode gig on Two and a Half Men. His one man tour, My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option Show, bombed with many booing him off the stage and demanding refunds.

Oh, come on, Lindsay Lohan. Again? She’s been on the loser list for so long now, I fear she’ll end up doing an Amy Winehouse. When your biggest gig for the year is posing nude for Playboy, that isn’t a good sign. Jail time, alleged necklace stealing, and WAY too much partying -- this girl is an absolute train wreck. The days of The Parent Trap and Mean Girls are long gone. Sad.

Ashton Kutcher Things were really looking up when he landed the Two and a Half Men gig. Too bad he couldn’t keep his pee pee in his pants. Cheating on wife Demi Moore? Shame on him! Of course, after the news broke the show’s ratings rocketed. What is wrong with us as a country? Argh! 

At least he’s not Arnold Schwarzenegger.  The jerk not only had an affair with the family’s housekeeper, he had a secret love child with her that he kept secret for fourteen years while the maid still worked for his family. When the child started looking too much like him, his wife, Maria Shriver, started asking questions. That must have been a horrifying discovery -- Maria went to the boy’s christening, all the while thinking it was her maid's husband’s son. Arnold is officially terminated in my book.

Taylor Armstrong (a.k.a. Shana Hughes, Shana Taylor, Taylor Ford, Taylor Ford-Armstrong, and Liar Liar Pants on Fire) It’s hard to feel sorry for this Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star, despite her supposedly abusive husband’s suicide in August. She’s a narcissistic con artist with more bogus business dealings than aliases. Can you trust anything she says? She tried to pass herself off as an heir to the Ford Motor Company, for cripes sake! Did I mention she’s a horrible mom, too? Grrr.

Chris Brown  I know, I know. All that business about him beating then girlfriend Rihanna took place a while ago. I’ve got to say, With some things it’s hard to say 'bygones will be bygones.’ That’s especially true after his stint on Good Morning America back in March. After Robin Robert’s asked him about his past misdeeds, he trashed his dressing room and broke a window with a chair. Way to be a man about it, Chris. 

As  for a celebrity by association, who can forget Mariah Yeter, the girl who claimed Justin Bieber was her baby daddy. The twenty year-old recanted after Bieber said, “No prob. I’ll just take a DNA test.” The realization that, if her claim had been true, she could have been prosecuted for statutory rape might have also factored into it. Kudos to the Biebs for keeping  a cool head and handling the situation with class. 

And even though he’s not technically a celebrity, it’s hard for me not to mention  Congressman Anthony Weiner tweeting his…well…wiener to a Seattle college student earlier this year. Admitting inappropriate electronic relationship with six women over three years, this guy was a total putz and a boon for comics across the nation. 

And there you have it, my top pics for 2011's biggest celebrity losers. Have I missed anyone? Let me know!