MOMS are from MARS

It happened again. One of my pleasantly perfect friends just posted a Facbook status (not evenly remotely) similar to this:

That’s right. She was fake flaunting her magnificent culinary skills, an area in which I’m sadly lacking. You see, as a mom, I have a terrible inferiority complex. I'm always worried I don't measure up. I don't want to be one of those women who bring home the bacon and fry in up in the pan. I want to one of those women who bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan, then crumble it into a savory bolognese sauce and serve it over pasta al dente.

Sadly, I am not one of those women. Still, I try my best. Take last night’s dinner. I think I fared pretty well....
 
For my husband, I went all out and served him Banquet’s salisbury steak meal.

Ahhh. There’s nothing like errant corn nibblets swimming in brown gravy to get the salivary glands going. Notice the potatoes, effortlessly stirred to make them extra fluffy. And that green stuff on the plate below the tray? A sprig of parsley, just like they do in fancy restaurants. Okay, so it’s tarragon. I didn’t have parsley. And yes, it’s just dried leaves out of a McCormicks bottle. But I made the effort so I demand some credit. Would anyone else ever think to do that?

Don’t answer that. Instead, take a look at the beverage so beautifully positioned by the plate. I could have made lemonade from scratch, but that would have denied my husband his daily requirement of Yellow dye #5. Instead, I went with Kool Aid lemonade -- made with an extra pinch of sugar because I’m sweet. Not only that, I served it up in a wine glass. Because I’m classy.

Since my kids rarely like the same thing that my husband and I do, I went a little crazy and microwaved something different for them: Banquet chicken pot pies.

Here's a sample. You may not be able to tell, but I went the extra mile and created a smilie face on the crust by poking holes on it with a fork. Yeah, that’s me. Just adding a little extra magic to the experience. And, yes, after I microwaved it the face did look like it threw up a little bit, but I think my kids still appreciated the effort.

Scooby Doo fruit snacks were added a a side dish to fulfill their vitamin C requirement. As for veggies? No worries. Carrot cubes and peas were already in the pie -- so much nutrition in one place! Of course, I served up more Yellow Dye #5 in Olive Garden kiddie cups. Nothing like a touch of whimsy to make the dining experience special.

So there you have it: family dinner made with a touch of Mom’s love. Please hold your applause until this post is over, which is now.

I’m taking a bow.

Photo credit link for gavel here.

Needless to say, she was hysterical then and is hysterical now. So when I saw that she was hosting Saturday Night Live last week I was tickled. I wasn't disappointed either -- nothing like watching an 88 -1/2 year-old yell “Wizard of A**!” on TV. Still, something she said during the opening monlogue deeply disturbed me.  She said that Facebook, the online social network that featured the ‘Betty White to Host SNL (please?)!’ page responsible for getting her the gig, sounded “like an incredible waste of time.”

How dare you, Betty. HOW DARE YOU.

Not only did she bite the hand that fed her, she paid little mind to the social vacuum that existed prior to such ground-breaking technological advancements as the cell phone and internet. Back in 'the day,' we had no texting or email, no tweets from Taylor Swift lamenting her Cinnabon obsession. And we had no Facebook. If a friend 'had the blues from watchin' the news,' we didn't hear about it unless we saw her the next day and she told us...in person.  The dark ages, indeed.

And now look where we are. Yep, I said 'we.' Facebook is no longer the happening thing for young folks alone. Even my mom has an account. This, of course, means Facebook is doomed to fail. It happens to all cool things adults discover. But right now it's hotter than a Katy Perry photo shoot. As a matter of fact, I just took a break and went on for a while. In less than a minute I’ve discovered that one friend is losing her voice, another “thinks that Robin Hood is going to be good,” and yet another won ten bucks playing Bunco last night. Without Facebook, I might never have known. And that would have been sad, so sad.

Now sure, instead of logging off after posting a few comments, I did click over to Bejeweled Blitz and ended up playing a few games. After that, I just had to take a quick peek at a cute video of a baby moose playing in a sprinkler. There might have been a few other things, too, but it was all done in the name of stress relief, NOT time wasting. The fact that the lawn didn't get mowed was purely coincidental.  

So take back your words, Betty White. Take them, stuff them in an envelope, and mail them to …no wait. That takes too long.  Jeez, Betty. Can't you just post an apology on Facebook? It’s faster and easier. While you’re there, you can check out that article I posted earlier about that Iranian cleric who blamed world catastrophies on promiscous women. Plus Michelle could use your help in Mafia Wars, too. Oh! You should really take a look at all the messages you’ve gotten since SNL, too. Maybe respond to a few? And don’t forget to join my new group, ‘Why Toenails Suck,’and then check out Karen’s vacation photos. She just went to Cabo San Lucas.  Did you see Jim’s string about the three-headed toad?Too funny! And then there’s this neat post on lligators I think you’d get a c=kick out of.