It’s been over two weeks since my last post and, sorry to say, I’ve still got nuttin’. Sure, a few seeds were planted. I just couldn't seem to get them to germinate this time. Like this new trend in shoes. Heelless? Really? Who came up with that?
And this road sign I came across a few weeks ago. I should haven been able to make a joke about that.
I swear to God this isn't Photoshopped.
But I couldn’t. My mind has been cluttered. There's just so much going on right now. And as much as I'd love for you to believe I've got it all together, I just don't.
For some reason that makes me think of Sturgis, that motorcycle festival in South Dakota. Why? Well, years back when my family was on the road during vacation we saw a man on a motorcycle. He was huge, with tattooed arms, a shaved head and a scraggly beard. Simply put, he looked scary. That is, until we saw the back of his motorcycle. Then we had to giggle. There, attached with duct tape, was a cardboard sign that said, “Stoogis or bust.”
Yep. You read that right. Stoogis. It's hard to look like a badass when you make a mistake like that.
I have to admit, when I see people goof up like that, I feel better about myself. Not in an ‘I’m better than you’ kind of way, but more of a ‘looks like I’m not the only one who doesn’t have life all figured out.’
We all have struggles, things we don’t want other to know lest they judge us as less than absolutely perfect. In our society it’s so important that people see us as having our lives under total control. I feel such pressure to be the perfect mom, perfect friend, perfect writer, perfect wife. And I’m not. Not even close. I don’t have all the answers. Heck, I don’t even know all of the questions.
So if you ever feel like you don’t measure up, don’t worry. You’re in good company. It’s rare to find someone who thinks they've got life all figured out, and those people are usually jerks.
Just keep on plugging and do the best that you can. That’s all anyone can ask. If you make a mistake, I'm might giggle, but I'll also forgive you. Promise me you'll do the same.
I’m worried that I’m a geek, and it has nothing to do with the hoodie I bought that says ‘geek.’ That’s a coincidence. I just wanted a souvenir from the Microsoft gift shop and I thought that it was cute.
The reason I’m worried is because of last weekend. We FINALLY went to see Batman: The Dark Knight Rises. I was thrilled. I love all things superhero. I even wanted to marry Batman when I was young. (Sadly, I gave that dream up in my thirties.)
Anyway, when we decided to go I had on my glow-in-the-dark Batman hoodie. I had to change out of it. I mean, wearing Batman clothes to a Batman movie is geeky, right? So I swapped it out for the ‘geek’ hoodie I mentioned earlier. (It matched my toenail polish.) Still, I wondered, what 45 year-old woman has a glow-in-the-dark Batman hoodie, or even one that says ‘geek’?
No. I am NOT kidding.
It doesn’t end there. As I sit in my dining room, my gaze drifts toward the right. There in the corner, on top of my gorgeous French provincial chest, stands a Lord of the Rings Lego scene. No, it’s not mine. I just thought it was cute so I put it there. Geeky, right? As for my prized possession from my Seattle trip? A Dr. Who coffee mug. But that’s different. It's really not geeky at all. In fact, it’s kind of cool. When you pour hot liquid into it the TARDIS moves. Here, take a look:
The TARDIS, just hangin' in the street...
...while space remains a dark, empty abyss.
Then what devilry is this? The TARDIS is disappearing!
It's back in space heading for another adventure!
Seriously, how freaky is that?!
All right. I know what you’re thinking. You had me pegged as soon as I said ‘Microsoft gift shop.’ But that’s not my fault. I have an honest explanation. That’s where my brother works. He’s got a really great job doing ultra cool things. We had to check it out.
One of the things he works on is their Home of the Future. It’s packed with cutting edge technology for the home. Which is AWESOME. Though it’s not open to the public, my family got to take a tour. For even non-geeks, that pretty neat. They’ve got stuff there so secret, they won’t even let you take pictures. Well, actually….
Since my brother’s on the team, I got to take a TON of photos. Would you like to see some? Then click here
. Just remember, Microsoft doesn’t know about these. Say nothing, so my brother doesn’t get in trouble.
Anyway, I’m coming to grips with my geeky side. It’s part of me. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that you’ve got to embrace yourself. Make sure you do, too.
Insert 'Like a Virgin' joke here.
Ugh. Sometimes a news story just makes me wanna hurl. Take Kerry Campbell from San Francisco, CA. Her eight year-old daughter, Britney, complained about ‘wrinkles’ on her face so she did the obvious: She gave her daughter Botox treatments. After all, nothing says maternal love like injecting your child’s face with toxins, right?
Kerry got the idea from her fellow pageant show moms. That’s right. Britney participates in those kiddie beauty pageants I just love to bits. Doesn’t your heart just warm when you watch a youngster strut her stuff in metallic gold cone bra? Mine, too.
Still, I couldn’t believe the whole Botox thing. What kind of mom would put her kid through that? I mean, come on! Why didn't she act sooner? That way her daughter would never have had to deal with the self-esteem issues she’s experiencing now.
Case in point, the baby below:
Dang! My fingers look like sausages!
She's adorable, right? Still, those chubby cheeks should really go, especially if she wants to attract that cute eighteen month-old boy who plays on the other side of the sandbox. Sure, she could dangle a bright red shovel his way in the hopes of getting him to toddle over, but that would look too forward. I say cheek bone implants and lip fillers to start, followed by false eyelashes and hair extensions. With looks on her side, her life will be easy. Screw personality development!
Everyone knows that if you’re not perfect, you’re not worthy of attention. That whole ‘beauty comes from the inside’ bit? Just a load of crap to make ugly people feel better. It’s a mom’s job to make sure kids don’t have to deal with that kind of angst. Best to nip it in the bud.
Okay, okay. I’ll cut the sarcasm. This whole Botox story is both ridiculous and sad. Those awful ‘lines’ on Britney’s face? They look like dimples to me. Cute, little girl dimples.
When I was young I wanted to be perfect. I would sit in front of the mirror and examine my face, thinking, ‘if only my eyes were a little bigger,’ ‘if only my forehead were a little higher,’ etc., etc., etc. Finally, I wised up. I decided to stop defining myself by my flaws and focus on assets. It was a life-affirming moment for me. Very empowering, too.
For anyone who wishes they were more beautiful than they are right now, I’ve got an easy solution: SMILE. The best smiles always come from within. They come from knowing and (still) loving yourself.
Embrace what’s good. Celebrate what’s great. Others will see it, too. Beauty really does come from within. You just have to let it show.
Hey, girls, need a confidence boost? Then I have a great solution:
You heard me. “‘When you know what sex really feels like….it makes you confident in any situation.’” At least that’s what it says in this month's issue of Seventeen magazine. Just read ‘Love & Sex Secrets.’ I did.
Man, what joy I felt seeing that little nugget of truth displayed on the printed page.
First question's first, though: What was I doing reading Seventeen? Trust me, it had everything to do with my thirst for all things teenagery and nothing to do with a high school fundraiser my daughter participated in last semester. Honest.
But back to the sex/confidence thing....
Are you frickin' kidding me? I should have heard the warning bells when I read ‘The Rules of College Dating’ first. In it, Noelia of Wesleyan University offered Rule #6: Introduce your guy and roomie ASAP. Not bad advice. Then she goes on to say:
“If you like someone, introduce him to your roommate as soon as possible. If she’s friends with him too, she won’t care as much when he drops by your tiny dorm room all the time or sleeps over a few nights a week.”
Seriously? I say if you’re roommate’s boyfriend is constantly spending the night shave both of their heads while they’re sleeping. Or you could just report them. That’s been known to work.
Anyway, back to the sex/confidence thing again…
WTF, Seventeen? Please tell me you didn't mean the way it sounded.
And for all you girls out there, if you need a confidence boost go get a mani/pedi or add a few highlights to your hair. No money? Then just watch the latest Pink video or something. Trust me, having sex might not boost your confidence. In fact, it just might shatter it. So don't let anyone -- your boyfriend, your girlfriends, your psychotic pet hamster -- and especially not some stupid magazine convince you to do anything you're not 100% ready to do. Got it?
And when you are finally ready? Still wait.
...Oh, come on. What did you expect me to say? I'm a mom after all, remember?
cat and lion photo credit