Halloween costumes sure have changed over the years. In the Seventies, they were far less cool and far less money than the ones we have today. Back then, they consisted of two things: a thin, molded plastic mask and an even thinner fabric jumpsuit with the character’s body imprinted on it.  The seller wanted $791.99. Seriously. They came in a box and cost $3.99. I found this picture on Ebay to give you an idea. Makes you want to rock n’ roll all night, huh?
I can still remember wearing them while trick-or-treating, particularly the masks. Seeing out of the eye holes was such a challenge (I’m surprised more kids didn’t stumble into the street and get hit by cars), plus my face would start feeling sweaty and gross as soon as I put one on. The end of the night was the best part, though, because the thin rubberband that kept it strapped to my head never failed to get horribly tangled in my hair.
Ahhh, the memories. Why don’t they have masks like that anymore?
Alas, now I am a grown up and buying costumes for my own kids. It’s been fun. That is, of course, until recently when my daughter became a teen. I have to say, it’s quite an experience and I can’t say it’s been pleasurable.
This year my daughter is volunteering at our family museum’s Halloween party, so she needs a costume. Last week we decided to go shopping for it.
Oh. My. Lord.
The women’s costumes are NOT the same as the girl’s. Not that I didn’t expect to see some of the sexy standards. You know, the slutty nurse, et al. But a slutty Dorothy from ‘The Wizard of Oz?’ Since when did she wear a blue gingham mini-skirt and above-the-knee schoolgirl porn stockings? And those red sequined stilettos? Tell me, what’s next? Hermione Granger with a belly shirt and garter belt?
The entire section was filled with ‘check these puppies out’ necklines, ‘don’t bend over’ skirts, and -- dang! -- so many fishnet stockings I was tempted to string them together and go angling for tuna.
 This bee can buzz off. Luckily, we got our hands on the last remaining G-rated costume: a 1950s girl in a poodle skirt. Did you hear me, Big Box Mart? THE LAST ONE. Isn’t that telling you something?Most girls graduate from kids’ clothes to women’s in junior high. By then I know they are long past dressing like Dora the Explorer, but no mother in their right mind is going to buy, much less allow, their daughter to strut around in a sassy “Major Trouble” soldier’s costume that won’t let her sit down without showing her hooha. (Or is that ‘hooah?’ Sorry, Army joke.)Anyway, I’ve said my piece. Do I sound like a real prude? Tell me what you think and have aHappy Halloween!
Bee photo from: DivineLegs000's photostream on Flickr
Last week we discussed Hollywood’s strange habit of casting old actors to play teens. For giggles, I pitted today’s hottest female TV stars against each other to see who, in fact, was the oldest. The results? Terrifying! Okay, they weren’t that bad, but a few were kind of creepy. Anyway, our female winner ended up being Tammin Sursok of ‘Pretty Little Liars’ who, quite honestly did a great job of lying to us with a real age of 27. (for full results click here!)
Well now we’re onto the guys and, I must say, it's pretty freaky. Will you agree? Let’s find out as I continue with…
Teen TV’s ACT YOU AGE Contest: Guys edition
First off is Nathan Kress , Freddie on ‘iCarly.’ With a birthday of November 18, 1992, he’s squarely in teen territory with an age of 17. Way to go, Nathan!
David Henrie, Justin from ‘Wizards of Waverly Place,’ is next with a birthday of July 11, 1989, making him 21. Dang! We’re only two guys in and already dealing with legal adults. The shame, the shame.
Next up? Sterling Knight, Chad on ‘Sonny with a Chance.’ He’s also 21, with a birthday of March 5, 1989. Well, I guess, this isn’t too bad. They do say guys take longer to mature….
Robbie Amell, Jimmy on ‘True Jackson,’ rounds out the Disney/Nick guys with a birthday of April 21, 1988, making him 22. Well, though most of the guys from the two networks aren’t teens, at least, like the girls, they’re still younger than the rest. Props for that. Let’s keep going…
Ian Harding, Ezra of ‘Pretty Little Liars,’ is 24 with a birthday of September 16, 1986. Looks like more than the girls on the show are lying, huh?
2/1/11 BUSTED ALERT: Trusty reader, Sara, just informed me that this guy plays a teacher! Granted, a teacher having an affair with one of the girls (not good) but, still, my cheeks are red! Ethan Peck or, rather, Patrick on ’10 Things I Hate About You,’ is also 24 with a birthday of March 2, 1986. Oh, man. I hope we’re not going to hit a run of 24 year-olds like we did with the girls…
Saved! Chase Crawford, Nate on ‘Gossip Girl,’ was born on July 18, 1985, making him 25. He's getting up there but, like I said with Blake Lively, when it comes to ‘Gossip Girl,’ they should all be over 21 anyway.
We’re on to Greg Finley, Jack on ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager.’ Yikes! He was born on October 3, 1984 -- 26 years old! Think his secret life could involve a wife and kids? JK, let’s continue…
Okay, things are getting weird. Cory Monteith, you know, Finn from ‘Glee?’ He’s 28, with a birthday of May 11, 1982. Mark Salling/Puck is also 28 with a birthday of August 17, 1982. Wait a minute, let me check something…Matthew Morrision, a.k.a. Mr. Schuster, was born in 1978. He’s only four years older than Finn and Puck. Like I said, weird.
Weirder. Johnny Pacar, Damon from ‘Make It or Break It,’ was born on June 6, 1981. He’s 29! That must mean…
Holy moly. Michael Steger, the guy who plays Navid on ‘90210,’ has passed the three-decade mark. Born on May 27, 1980, the guy is 30. Say it isn’t so, Beverly Hills. Say it isn’t so. Still, he’s not the oldest. We have…
Ian Somerhalder, Damon on ‘The Vampire Diaries.’ His birthday is December 8, 1978. This guy is 31 -- almost 32! Well, Hollywood, I’d like to say I’m surprised by all this but….wait! No, it can’t be. There’s actually someone older? And he’s from which show? Oh. My. God. It’s…
Jason Earles, Jackson on (gulp) 'Hannah Montana!’ His birthday is April 26, 1977! He’s 33 YEARS OLD! No friggin’ way! This can’t be! I feel…violated somehow. (for a picture of him and his wife, click here) There you have it, folks. I’d like to wrap this up with a witty comment of some sort, but I’m still reeling from the whole Jackson/’Hannah Montana’ things. I guess like most teen TV shows, some things are just too unbelievable.
Shaking her head,Mom
 'Heyyy!' Confession: My first real fake crush was on this guy called ‘The Fonz.’ He was this super cool character on ‘Happy Days,’ a TV show that ran from 1974 to 1984. That slicked back hair and brown leather jacket? Irresistible. I still remember penning a fan letter to him as part of a fifth grade writing assignment. I went on about how cute I though he was and how much I loved his signature phrase, ‘Sit on it’ (which, in retrospect, has to be one of the lamest in existence.) Yep, the Fonz was dreamy. Unfortunately, the same year I wrote the letter I found out the actor who played him, Henry Winkler, was 33 years old.
33 YEARS OLD! Holy moly! He was almost as old as my father!
…Creepy.
Years later, a similar incident happened when the first real ‘teen’ drama, ‘Beverly Hills 90210,’ came out in 1990. Personally, I had a thing for Jason Priestley, who played Brandon on the show. A lot of girls, however, loved bad boy Dylan, played by Luke Perry. I must admit he was a hottie. As the years went on, though, Luke started to look...well, different. Was he losing his hair? Hmmm. That seemed kind of strange for a teenager. Well, imagine our collective surprise when we found out he had started the show at age 25. Gasp!
Yep, adults playing teenagers is not a recent development. However, the amount of shows featuring ‘teen’ casts is. So wouldn’t it be fun to see just how many young characters are actually played by old farts? Okay, then, let’s do it! Allow me to present:
Teen TV’s 'ACT YOU AGE' Contest
Here how it’ll work: I’ll take the two oldest ‘young’ actors - one ‘boy’ and one ‘girl’ - from a selection of the hottest teen TV shows on air and rank them by age until we discover the oldest cast member for each sex. This week I'll do the girls. Next week, the guys. Are you ready? Okay.
They youngest female actress is... Ashley Argota, Lulu on ‘True Jackson VP.’ Born on January 9, 1993, she is 17 years-old. The lead, Keke Palmer, is actually 8 months younger. Cool. Nice and teen-agey. Next up is Selena Gomez, Alex on ‘Wizards of Waverly Place.’ She was born on July 22, 1992, making her 18. Another teen. Awesome. Just a little older than Selena is Jenette McCurdy, better known as Sam on 'iCarly.' Her birthday is June 26, 1992, also making her 18. Plus Miranda Cosgrove is only 17! Teens playing teens is so nice. Let's see if this trend continues... Yippee! Coming in just a few months older is Emily Osmet, Lilly on 'Hannah Montana.' Born on March 10, 1992, we have yet another 18 year-old. Miley Cyrus isn't too far behind - her birthday's November 23rd. Also a teen! You know, I’ve got to stop and say ‘kudos’ to Disney and Nickelodeon. Looks like they’re keepin’ it real. Great job! Okay, Toto, we’re not in Kansas anymore. Candice Accola who plays Caroline on ‘The Vampire Diaries,’ entered this world on May 19, 1987. That makes her 23, definitely a full-fledged adult.
It's all down hill from here, folks. Jessica Stroup, Erin on ‘90210,’ was born on October 23, 1986. She’s 23,but only for a couple more weeks. Enjoy your 'youth' while it lasts, Jessica! Next up is Megan Park, who plays Grace on ‘The Secret Life of the American Teenager.’ Birthday? July 24, 1986. Age? 24. Any other 24 year-olds out there? Yes! There's Leighton Meester, known as Blair on ‘Gossip Girl.’ Her birthday: April 9, 1986, making her also 24. I have to admit, given the content of the show, I’m really glad she’s not a teen. Here's another 24 year-old! Hi, Amber Riley, a.k.a. Mercedes from ‘Glee.’ She was born on February 15, 1986. Oh my word. The girls -- I mean women -- who play Tina, Quinn and Rachel are a little younger but also 24! Class of 2012? How about class of 2004! Okay, please tell me there are no more 24 year-olds... Dang! Another one and...say what? It's Tiffany Thornton, or Tawni on ‘Sonny with a Chance?’ But we already did the Nick/Disney gang! Huh. Her birthday is February 12, 1986. Oh, well. At least Demi Lovato was born in 1992. Still, I'm ready to be done with 24 year-olds. You? Here we go. Dana Davis, or Chastity on ’10 Things I Hate About You,’ has stopped the madness with a birthday of October 4, 1984. Still, at 26 years-old, that’s madness in and of itself. Plus, were not done! There are still a couple more, like… Chelsea Hobbs, Emily on ‘Make It or Break It.’ Born on February 18, 1984, she's also 26. Think they give her a senior discount at the lunch line? Still, she's not the worst. The oldest 'young' star is... Tammin Sursok, Jenna from ‘Pretty Little Liars.' With a birthdate of August 19, 1983, she's the granny at 27. Go figure, a show about lying is right on top! There's something else curious, too...Doesn't Tammin have a recurring role on 'Hannah Montana' as Jackson's girlfriend, too? What's up with that? Interesting...
So there you have it. What did you think? Any surprises? Next week we’ll do the guys and, I promise you, that one will be even more interesting. How do I know? I already did the research! Trust me, you'll want to come back.
Until then, ciao, and do your best to keep it real...unlike Hollywood. ;)
If this isn’t your first time here, you may have read my harrowing account of stupidity in Lost in Translation: The Wall. Well, I’m here to tell you I have the distinct honor of being a screw up in more than one language. This time? Italy.
Ahhh, Italy. The history, the architecture, THE FOOD! The 'Eat, Pray, Love' chick got it right. If you want to eat until your belly button pops out, Italy is the place to go. Not only does it have the best cuisine but the best waiters, too. In Italy, being a waiter is a vocation, not a way to help pay for college or pay the bills until some Hollywood producer discovers you. Food is an art. The chef? An artist. The server? Dang, I don’t know where I’m going with this just trust me, Italian waiters are awesome. They strive to make your meal pleasurable, memorable.  Anyway, during one of our trips to Venice, my husband and I discovered a wonderful little restaurant near Basilica di San Marco, which sounds way cooler than St. Mark’s Basilica. The atmosphere was beautiful, the menu scrumptious, the waiter? Ohhhhhh, man. Tall, dark and handsome never looked so good.
He came right to our table as soon as we were seated and started rolling out the charm. That smile, that accent -- I don’t care what people say, Italian is the most romantic language in the world. Though I had no idea what he was saying to me, in my heart I knew it was something like this:
Senorina, are you enjoying your stay in Venice? (I nod.)
Never have I waited on someone so lovely. I hope you find my city lovely, too? (I nod again.)
And the shopping. Please say your husband has indulged you with a trinket or two. Maybe some jewelry? A Gucci handbag? (Another nod.)
Etc., etc., etc.
And so it continued for a minute or two, he with the questions and me nodding like a bobble-head. My husband just looked on and smiled. “Looks like I need to learn Italian,” he chuckled. Well, as it turned out, I was the one who needed to learn it because five minutes later the waiter came out with a serving tray the circumference of the moon. I swear I saw his knees buckle right before he set it down. That’s when I realized our earlier conversation had sounded more like this:
Senorina, would you like to start with a glass of our special house wine? (I nod.)
I’m sure you would like an appetizer, as well. Can I bring you some cheese and bread to start? (I nod again.)
Our salads here are also amazing. Can I interest you in our caprese salad? One for your husband, too? (Another nod)
Etc., etc., etc.
Now I can’t say it was the only time I was suckered into buying something due to a language barrier, but I can say that it was the most enjoyable one. Like I said, in Italy the waiter’s job is to make your dining experience memorable.
He didn’t fail at his task.
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