She's a girl scout leader, too. Trust her.
It's been a little while since I wrote a post and, frankly, it's going to be a little longer. I'm on a two-week family vacation right now (yay?) which means Mother Nature has to blast the furnace. Currently, it's 101 degrees outside AND WE'RE IN PENNSYLVANIA. Last time I checked a map that was one of the northern states, right? Ugh.
Anyway, since I'm currently AWOL I decided to bless you with my first guest post -- from an author, no less! She's also a good friend. Meet humor writer, Leslie Langtry. Woo hoo! Most writers are big readers, too, and Leslie is no exception. So I asked her to do a book review. I mean it's summer. I don't want you forgetting how to read. ;) Anyway, Leslie came through. Here it is:
And the winner in the category of BEST BOOK I WISH I'D WRITTEN goes to...BEAUTY QUEENS, by Libba Bray!
Hello! I'm Leslie Langtry. I (hopefully) write funny books and am a HUGE fan of this blog! When Janene asked me to guest post, I jumped at the opportunity. And I'm currently attempting to write YA. But I doubt I'll ever measure up to the best book I've read this summer...BEAUTY QUEENS by the author I'm most likely to start stalking now...Libba Bray!
I read a lot of YA. Just ask my teenage daughter! She'll tell you she never sees me because once 9pm rolls around, I disappear into my room with my kindle, only to emerge the next morning, demanding she read some new book. To which, she rolls her eyes and says, "Whatever." And since she won't take this recommendation, I'm giving it to you.
Read this book. Drop everything you're doing and go buy it or download it or borrow it right now. I'll wait.
Got it? Good! Now read it. It's about a bunch of Miss Teen Dream beauty pageant contestants whose plane crash lands on a deserted (or so they think...) tropical island (because an island off the coast of Antarctica wouldn't be much fun, would it?) The survivors, including a Miss New Mexico with an airline tray lodged in her forehead, try to survive while waiting for help.
I'm not saying any more. You'll just have to read it. No, no exceptions.
It is the funniest book I've ever read. As a humor author, it's hard to get me to laugh. This book made me laugh OUT LOUD! Over and over! It has reality show pirates, secret agents and a crazy third-world dictator who dresses like Elvis. Oh, and an exploding facial hair remover. It is WONDERFULLY WEIRD AND HYSTERICALLY FUNNY!
But I'm not saying anything else. Just read the book. And then, make your moms read it. They'll love it too, because you know, Moms are from Mars.
Honorary Martian Mom,
Leslie Langtry is the author of a hilariously romantic mystery series featuring a family of assassins, the Bombays. Warning: The books are not YA. There's even some 'hubba hubba!' You can check out her website at http://www.leslielangtry.com/
If you haven't seen the movie ‘The Sixth Sense’ this post may confuse you. If you have seen it, you will know why I need Bruce Willis’ help.
One of my kids sees dead people.
How do I know? Well, when I left the kitchen a few minutes ago it looked like this:
When I returned it looked like this:
What. The. Frick.
To my dismay, I can’t figure out which of my kids speaks with the dead. Could it be…
kid #1, who is currently eating ice cream on the couch? (Which, BTW, is in clear violation of house rules.)
kid #2, who is sitting next to child #1 with a huge bowl of freshly made popcorn?
or kid #3, who is glued in front of the computer with a mountain of Slim Jim wrappers in his lap?
None of them will fess up.
In all seriousness, is it that hard to close a cabinet door? The task doesn’t even require opposable thumbs. Even our cat could do it and, trust me, he’s not that bright. He thinks the $2 teddy bear I bought for him at Target is his baby.
Sigh. It doesn’t look like Bruce is showing up. I’ll have to solve this mystery on my own. After that I’ve got to take the kids’ bathroom towels to the psychologist. They keep jumping off their racks and landing on the floor. Suicide? Really? There’s has to be a better answer. The towels need help. I do, too.
Where’s Bruce Willis when you need him?
I just wanted to send out a quick reminder to be safe this 4th of July. I'd be very sad if one of my readers lost a finger (or hand, or arm, or head) because of some stupid fireworks stunt. I mean, think about it....
If you lose a thumb, you can't give someone the 'thumbs up.'
If you lose an index finger, you can't wag it in anger or condescension.
If you lose a middle finger....Um, never mind.
If you lose a ring finger, you can't get married. (Okay, so that's not true, but that whole 'ring exchange' thing during your wedding ceremony? Awkward.)
If you lose a pinky finger, you can't pinky swear and YOUR WORD WON'T BE GOOD FOR ANYTHING!
Also, needless to say, if any of the above happens, use of the expression 'high five' will suddenly become very creepy.
So, please leave fireworks to the professionals -- and DEFINITELY don't leave it to this guy:
Giving photo credit where credit is due: